The Impact of Social Distancing on Friendships and How to Stay Connected

_{How the heck are we going to stay connected while we’re told to practice social distancing?}

Coming from a person who counts down the minutes before my little one comes home from school, or eagerly waits for her toddler to wake up from a nap – it’s gotta be bad if I’m literally a bag of nerves having both kids home, full-time, 24/7, with very little physical connection to the outside world.

I can totally feel my fellow homeschooling mama friends of 5+ kids rolling their eyes at my first world problems. But the truth is – we are all human, and the fear of the unknown – between, how we will educate our kids at home, keep them safe, keep them busy, and keep ourselves sane – is real. The struggle is definitely real. 

So I decided to round up some ways moms can keep sane and stay connected with one another while at home with the kids. Some will work for you, some won’t – it all depends on your situation, the weather, where you are on the panic spectrum, of course… your kids, and let’s not forget – what gives you your bliss. So pick and choose – but definitely give at least some of these a whirl. 

Here are some easy ways to stay connected to your crew:

FACETIME/ZOOM/GOOGLE DUO/FACEBOOK VIDEO MESSAGE YOUR FRIENDS

Basically – jump on this wonderful opportunity that is handed to us on a golden digital platter. We have the free apps and the easiest of access. I’m lucky I can have access to these apps on my computer so while I’m editing photos, I’m chatting it up with my buddies over a glass of wine. Okay – so I’m not the one drinking wine, but I can always put some sparkling lemon water in a wine glass and voila – a night of drinks and giggles with my best gal pals!

It’s important especially during times like this that we don’t crawl into our cozy little holes – even if it might be the first thing we intrinsically do. It’s already a strange time where we naturally withdraw and fall into a world of seclusion. While cooped up in our homes social distancing, it’s important to maintain some sort of connection with another person. Does it have to be 20 other people in a big group chat? Sure… but it’s not necessary. Even if you stay connected with one person in the outside world, it’s enough to give us a good dose of what’s going on outside the confines of your home. Being able to engage with one another and support each other while collectively facing the unknown, is an option we need not take for granted. 

Here’s how you can do Group Facetime (for the apple users), Google Duo (for calls between non-apple friends), Houseparty (a simple “drop in” style interactive video chat where you can dip in and out of a “house” rather than making a call – as well as play interactive games), Zoom (one on one or for 3+ people for up to 40 minutes – there are also paid subscriptions too). My household’s go-to is the very user friendly Facebook messenger. You can do it from your computer (make sure your software if updated and your device has enough battery power), or any of your smart devices. I have better luck using Apple iPhone  or my newer Apple MacBook Pro. It’s versatile, less audio/video dramatics to navigate through, and light enough that your other hand can enjoy that glass of wine, or that bag of  “kale”? (yeah, right) chips you’ve been dying to dig into.

Now do these faces look like they’re suffering in the connection department? Okay – maybe we can’t give each other a squeeze, but the love is definitely there. We can share our worries, our homeschool trials and tribulations (let’s keep it real – more trials than tribulations…), laugh about the needless stuff, and just downright stay connected.

Heck, our fur babies and babies can join in on the fun as well! ‘Cuz who needs words when you can just giggle and make faces? May I suggest trying Messenger for Kids which is an interactive messaging app for kids. We have been humming and hawwwing about it for months, and we finally gave in. Since giving it a fair chance – our once relatively semi-social-at-best little girl, has now become Miss digital social butterfly. She’s learning to engage in meaningful conversations, keep in close contact with her long distant cousins, and get a little practice in writing, spelling, and exercising the complexities in conversational language. Bonus: it coincidentally gives this overextended mama-teacher 15 minutes to clean up, or catch up with my own buddies. Goodness know, since we began homeschooling, I’ve been terrible at responding to texts myself, and independent use of my hands and brain space is pretty much a thing of the past.

Even the babes in utero can benefit from a little digi-Auntie love. Lemme tell ya, hearing my niece-y’s heartbeat, especially during the goings-on of this crazy world she’s about to enter – is both a joy and a relief. My heart is full knowing we have such incredible access especially during a time like this. The ability to share news and moments like this can alleviate some of those feelings of isolation and stress, even if it means awkwardly attaching a doppler to a headset, that’s attached to a mobile device, all while lying down, exposing your preggy belly, and fighting back tears. Hey… we’re moms – no one can multitask like a boss quite like us. We even held a Celebration of Life for my dear Aunt who passed shortly before the onset of the global pandemic. Lighting candles simultaneously with our loved ones from all corners of the world, by way of Zoom, allowed us to create a beautiful memory as we honored our beloved Aunt. 

WRITE DIGITAL “SNAIL MAIL” LETTERS TO YOUR FRIENDS

The other day I received a nice long letter (with a sign off and everything) – by one of my closest friends who is probably the last of the few snail mail letter writers in my world (and yours). And since there are limitations and potential risks of sending actual mail, she opted for an email rather than traditional snail mail. Sure, it lacked the personal touches like her beautiful penmanship, and hard copy photos (what are those again?). But it was still a remarkable way to get the updates, ask questions, share concerns, and mostly, get a good dose of happy from our most nearest and dearest, but farthest. 

And who says e-letters of love to our girls (and guys) have to be limited to our long distant friends? Why not send a quick check-in letter to your local crew? Update them on your day and ask them to do the same. Even if it means reminiscing on the good ol’ days of playdates at the beach only a couple months ago when you could link arms without the accompanying guilt.

Sigh… those were the days.

GET YOUR KIDS TO WRITE DIGITAL “SNAIL MAIL LETTERS” TO THEIR FRIENDS

Staying connected is everything this day and age. The most introverted of my friends are even craving for some connection outside of their homes. George and I discussed at length, the pros and cons of allowing Little Mama access to her own Kids Messenger account for obvious reasons. So while we were still sitting on the fence, letting her make e-cards, drafting up emails or drawings I can send to her friends (through her friends’ parents via text) is a wonderful way to keep our kiddos busy, creative, and connected. 

Not their cup of hot milk? Then try doing some Facetime with the kiddies and their buds while jumping on the trampoline? Or put your unlimited cell data to good use, and go for a digi-walk with the littles while carrying on conversation. It gets the kids active, helps them stay connected, and gives us all a good dose of human contact outside of our four walls. 

Staying connected has never been so instantaneous. 

 VIEW AN E-MOVIE/SERIES TOGETHER

This is the closest thing to snuggling on the couch watching your fave rom-coms with your fave girls. Having them there to ooh, ahh, sigh, and throw things at the tv with, is almost as fun as having them right next to you. All that… without the hassle of having to tidy up or prepare a fancy charcuterie spread. Just sit back, laugh, and enjoy the next hour or two with just you, your fave pals, and no talk of viruses, because sometimes fictional dramatics are far more enjoyable than real life.

This just in – Netflix has just come out with its newest development – Netflix Party.   This long overdue, and brilliant concept is a chrome extension for watching Netflix remotely with friends. It synchronizes video playback and adds group chat. So if video chat isn’t your thing, Netflix Party can provide the perfect alternative to stay connected while keeping noise levels to a minimum. Goodness knows, the last thing you want is wake the kids up while binge watching on your fave programming on your kid-free night.

PLAY A DIGITAL BOARD GAME 

This is something new for me, but it’s fun to get your mind and vocabulary off the whole global pandemic thing, and focus on challenging each other to a healthy game of chess or Yahtzee. Here are some fun ideas of board games that work via video chat. It sounds a lot more complicated than it really is. As long as it’s the kind of game that does not require hidden information between players, it’s definitely doable. Just get creative.

I know it doesn’t beat an in-person game with your ladies, but it’s something. 

GOOD OL’ FASHIONED TEXT AND GROUP CHAT

As most of my friends know, I almost never run out of things to talk about. I’m known for my novella texts and never-ending run on sentences. I’m great at texting when I actually have the time to do it, but I mostly do not. Not having my hands free is my usual go-to excuse (and it’s not even an excuse, it’s true. Have I mentioned I have a very busy nine year old and a curious toddler?). But the moments my hands are indeed free, it’s nice to be able to shoot the shiz with my buds even if our once epic convos have been reduced to ridiculous and mildly inappropriate gifs and emojis. 

In need of a hands free option? I feel ya sister. It’s easy – set up Siri on your phone to do a little voice activated texting. Remember, Siri’s there for the taking – so keep her busy!

DO A DRIVEBY HONK AND YELL FROM A SAFE DISTANCE

Since the onset of lockdown life, a handful of quarantine birthdays have passed (including Little Mama‘s). Without venturing out too far for one of them, and thus, driving minimally (isn’t a city with less smog the most brilliant concept?), we thought a tiny gesture of driving by with loud and obnoxious birthday horns while singing Happy Birthday (wearing masks, no less) would show our special someone that we were thinking of her. We maintained nearly 8 times the recommended distance and it was wonderful. A little strange, but it was nice to see a loved one in the flesh – even though we had to squint to see if she was smiling or not…. 

On the other end of the connection spectrum, it’s a weird time right now, so putting pressure on yourself and others to be top-notch bestie, and responding to every incoming message in real time… well that’s just added stress that you or your crew do not need right now. Mamas… cut yourselves (and your girls) some slack. Reach out when you can and get back some of that connection you’ve been missing, but know it’s okay to focus on yourself and your family as well. If your plate is already overwhelmingly full (what do you mean homeschooling all day, keeping everyone active, wrangling a toddler, cooking meals, AND working on a business til 4am every night isn’t normal??), sending love and genuine understanding to your  “not so connected” peeps by way of a mental check-in is also how we can keep that connection going strong. Give yourselves and your friends the grace, space, and compassion as we all navigate through this confusing time in the way that works for ourselves and our families. By exercising compassion for one another it allows us to stay connected with our loved ones while deepening our bond. We need to remind ourselves that the days of lockdown are numbered, but our years of friendships are not.  Go easy on yourselves and your fellow quarantined sisters. We’re all in this together. 

How do you stay connected with your village while social distancing?

It takes a village to contain a virus – don’t be afraid to check in with yours…