A Letter to my First Born…
MY SWEET GIRL, MY FIRST BORN – I SEE YOU…
I see you when you look at me with your smiley brown eyes telling me how much you love our moments together, and how you can never get enough of it.
I see you when you so desperately want me to see your latest art project, and for me to acknowledge the hard work and artistry that went into it. Even though, it takes me a few minutes to decipher its true meaning, every single piece counts.
I see you when nothing brings you more joy than to wear a pretty dress that matches mommy’s (How much do you love Mommy’s Lavender Lace Belted Maternity Dress from PinkBlush to match your Nanette Lavender Dress?). Truth be told – I love coordinating with you too. Mommy-and-me days never gets old…
I see you with fresh tears in your eyes as you tell me without the luxury of words, how hurt and misunderstood you feel.
I see you when you take your baby brother’s clothes and toys, in spite of the constant reminders to place them back where they came from. I know you are simply envisioning how life will be once he comes to fill these clothes and make a mess with these toys.
I see you when you play quietly while mommy’s preparing dinner, mumbling dialogue between dolls, wishing someone other than mommy or daddy would come play with you.
My dear first born girl, I see you.
MY SWEET GIRL, MY FIRST BORN – I’M SORRY…
I’m sorry that you have experienced grief first hand. Even if you didn’t understand it, you went through the motions of caring for someone so close to you, experiencing it. At the early age of 3 you were pouring your own milk into a bowl of cereal, and embracing your grieving mommy with blankets and comfort while she didn’t have the energy to help herself. I’m sorry I allowed you to see that. I’m sorry you missed out on so much joy and opportunity to be a big sister, even with all the hope and confidence we had in the past.
I’m sorry for the moments you had to grow up too quickly, instead of relishing in the joy and innocence of your toddler and preschool years.
I’m sorry for the moments we used harsh words or a tone that left you feeling insecure or ashamed.
And I’m sorry for the times you would call me and I couldn’t hear you. Despite that, please know – I always hear you. You are my world, and no matter what, you will always be.
My dear first born girl, I’m sorry.
Shop PinkBlushMaternity.com here…
MY SWEET GIRL, MY FIRST BORN – I AM GRATEFUL…
I am grateful to you for giving me the chance to be your mommy. In the last 7 years of playing this role, you have taught me about what really matters when it comes to being a mother. I learned more from you more than any amount of books, parenting workshops, or Dr Google could teach me.
I am grateful for your innocence. You are no longer carrying the torch as “baby in the family”, but my sweet first born – you will always be our baby girl. I hold close to my heart, your every nuance – your voice, your sweet smell, your quirky outlook towards life. I know that the very essence of who you are will never change, but will only evolve into a stronger version in your new role as bigger sister. I can see you taking on this role with such grace and determination. I know you will be kind, and loving to your baby brother. I am confident that the love we have shown to you all these years will be passed down to your brother, but in your own unique and loving way. You will touch his life in ways that you won’t even understand until he is old enough to tell you. I know that – because you have touched us in ways that we can’t even describe in words. Thank you for being such a central force in our lives as a family.
My dear first born girl, I am grateful.
MY SWEET GIRL, MY FIRST BORN – I PROMISE…
I promise, my little girl, that I will continue to love you in the same way, no matter how old you get. Not just during the easy times, but especially during the times you need me the most.
I promise to hear you and to really listen.
I promise to advocate for you, to give you direction, and to guide you even when you may feel we don’t agree.
I promise to be fair and to know that you are just a kid yourself. You may be a big sister in a few weeks, but you’re still my little girl, and as such – should not be burdened with unrealistic expectations. Your job is to be you and to be your little brother’s big sister, a role I know you take very seriously and with great pride.
I write this letter as a promise to you that I will always remind you how loved you are. Even, and especially amidst the chaos of taking care of your new baby brother – you will be loved in the same way, and even more, with every passing day. I cherished our 7 years alone together, just you, daddy, and I, and you will always be our first girl, our first love, our first authentic joy, our first heartache, our first worry, our first everything, our first born.
I promise to love you today and for the rest of my life in the very same way I did the first day I laid my eyes on you.
Finally, my love – I want you to know that things will change. All three of us, as individuals and as one unit, will also change as we bring our special little gift into our home. Some change will be necessary and life altering and some will be difficult. But we will embrace this entire experience together, as we welcome your brother into this world and make room for him in our hearts.
You will always be my special girl, my very first born,
Mommy
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Mama’s Maternity dress :: Lavender Lace Belted Maternity Dress from PinkBlush
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And yes, your tummy is getting bigger each day. I am so excited for you and feel so happy for you.
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Nailil
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