The Impact of Social Distancing :: Homeschooling the Reluctant Learner

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Is it just me, or is the Global Pandemic stay home order throwing all households with kids into a tailspin? A couple weeks ago, I was on my phone feverishly texting with my fellow school mom friends wondering what our province was going to do regarding school closures in the near future. Well – like most other cities in close proximity, our schools have been closed indefinitely. Since this was announced, my IG newsfeed has been flooding with memes ranging from panic to comic relief, centering solely on having kids home full-time… until further notice. On the other end of the spectrum were a handful of parents with a more positive spin on the news – photos of kids sitting at their beautifully manicured desk where they are anticipated to sit nicely for their parents-turned-teachers-overnight. Even the more… ambitious take on this new reality – was often followed immediately by a viral-worthy video of the same parent rapping, if the pandemic isn’t going to do them in – homeschooling will.

Can I tell you a secret?

I have already designed a life with homeschool in mind – years ago. Most of my friends thought I was naive and most thought I was losing my marbles. But hear me out. As difficult as it is to teach my child, she thrives in an environment that is one-on-one. She is better off in one setting instead of transitioning from one to another. And she is literally the hardest person to get out the door. She is a homebody. No matter how you slice it – she is better off at home. When I first flirted with the idea of homeschooling her, I envisioned a life that ran smoothly, with no major transitions, with no bells to beat, traffic to fight against, and mornings that weren’t filled with such hurried anxiety, raised voices, and pressure. So much pressure.

A life at home without all those external forces… well, I basically envisioned this…

Because our neighboring school has the most incredible learning resource supports in place, and an amazing match as far as teachers go for my little one, we decided it was the best plan to keep her in school. She is also a relatively low-key kiddo who can easily fly under the radar, so it was important that she was exposed to the abundance of social situations that only school could offer her.

But now… the option to send her to school is no longer there, for the time being. It’s almost like we’ve been given this opportunity to not have to make this decision, as it’s been made for us. Yes, under duress – but I needed to test the waters and see if this was indeed meant for my kiddo, while working at home and caring for her toddler sibling.

But here’s the clincher… she’s a reluctant learner.

No need to get into the logistics behind her resistance to learning – what matters essentially, is that it’s not going to be as easy as it sounds to teach a kiddo who is typically very compliant and hard working at school, but a whole different person at home. And I wouldn’t doubt that most kids her age have this uncanny ability to be two different types of people at school and at home.

I mean… to some degree – aren’t we all reluctant learners?

In any event, here are some ways to help a reluctant learner become an engaged one:

START EVERY DAY BELIEVING THEY ARE NOT RESISTANT

I know this is not as easy as it sounds. At 7:45AM everyday since the onset of social distancing, we start the morning with a strong routine and an abundance of willingness. By 9AM, I will have already lost her to a tea party with her Ninjago lego people, and by 10:30AM, I will have already made 10 threats to send her back to school and straight to her principal’s office. Unfortunately, that threat is not only impossible as far as follow through, she, along with the rest of her student body, adores her Principal, so I’m sure she would happily call me on my bluff.

Point is – although you cannot merely “positive mindset” yourself into a day of little to no resistance, it may be worth at least attempting to erase the expectation that you are already defeated by a reluctant learner. I have noticed that on the days that I went in with little to no expectation, and just handled the day as it came – I found I was able to tackle any situation well…

LIKE. A. BOSS.

Expecting them to fail in the eager learning department is likely the best way for them to prove you right. So just go in with little to no expectations of resistance.

…even if there is.

And for the love of all that is good in this world – do NOT forget your coffee.

SET THEM UP FOR SUCCESS – START WITH THE BASICS

In these early weeks of homeschooling, we are not expected to become star educators overnight. Go easy on yourself and your kids and start realistic. You will most likely not have all the resources available, their regular work books, or any semblance of knowledge of where they ended their learning last term. So bookmark any and all of the resources online that offer curriculum support in your district, take in all the links sent to you by fellow anxious eager parents and see if any would work for your reluctant learner (or you), and don’t be afraid to review what they have already learned in previous terms. When you set them up for success and give them the opportunity to prove to themselves that they are going to be okay in their new norm – then you are more likely to see them become more open to learning something new. Here are some great resources that Little Mama‘s amazing teacher sent us. We’ve already dug right in and we’re loving it!

Scholastic Learn at Home

Wide Open School

Free Worksheets for K-5

Oxford Owl For Home

GET THE SUBJECTS OF MOST RESISTANCE OVER WITH WHEN THEY ARE MOST ALERT

Okay – so who wants to start their day off with math? Well… secretly, I do love math, so… <raises hand reluctantly…>. But it makes the most sense to jump on their most optimal learning hours to tackle some of the stuff they would be more likely to resist later on in the day. It doesn’t have to be the first subject (refer to “Set them Up for Success” above), but perhaps consider covering the more difficult topics earlier in the day rather than later. Or if they seem to be more energetic in the late morning or after lunch, than try that time slot. And remember, it’s homeschool – you, as well as your reluctant learner, know that everything is flexible. The point is – a late afternoon jam-packed with the stuff that makes them cringe, is not only going to end your day on a bitter note, it’s going to make this temporary moment in time feel like an eternity. 

So do yourself and your little in-house student a favor, and end things on a light note. There’s enough heavy going on outside your home.  

BE OPEN TO THEIR STYLE OF LEARNING AND BE FLEXIBLE WITH THEIR WORK STATION

The world is your oyster at this point. You are their educator and their parent so you have the ability to decide what environment is best for your kiddo. There are no hard and fast rules. Our school is incredibly progressive and open to all kinds of learning so in any given classroom you will see a stationary bike, a plethora of balance balls, and cozy corners with blankets and pillows. I have taken a page out of their book and implemented some of these strategies to engage my little fidgety student, and it has provided a vast improvement in retaining her attention and focus.

Reading in a cozy corner together by the fire doesn’t discount learning just because it’s not situated at a standard desk with an uncomfortable chair. Full disclosure, we don’t have a proper desk in our house (we didn’t exactly prepare for a pandemic-induced homeschool situation), so we make do with our kitchen table. Again, our chairs, although fine for a meal or 15 minutes of journal writing, is not equipped to support a child (or their mama) for a long period of time. So we had to get creative. Turns out, moving around the house and creating make-shift stations for learning was the most ideal way to add variety to her day while giving her a much needed brain break.

Sidenote: It is also great for Teacher Mama’s very sore bottom.

CELEBRATE LITTLE WINS

Like all little kids, my Little Mama thrives on some form of praise. I don’t mean, she needs it entirely, but she sure loves it. So why not celebrate with them! Encourage them to be proud of their efforts, proud of making it through that seemingly impossible multiplication worksheet, and proud of sitting in one spot for a solid 10 minutes without interruption. We use curriculum workbooks that has built-in reward systems, otherwise stickers, stamps, tokens used later for bonus screen or video time, or simply an enthusiastic high five is enough to boost their confidence tenfold.

GIVE THEM THE POWER OF CHOICE

Just like being flexible with where they should “do school” at home, giving our little reluctant learners the choice on what to learn or how to learn is just as wonderful for their morale. My daughter likes it when I give her two very clear and appealing options. I would never give her an option that isn’t something I could follow through with, so I often hold back on always having digital learning as one of the choices. Don’t get me wrong – if I could teach her everything online, and leave her literally to her own devices, I would. But I know my kiddo – and too much screen time, whether actual learning takes place or not – seems to affect her mood. So I like to spread out the screen love mindfully throughout any given day. I know she will always opt for online learning, so I leave that choice for the blocks of learning time that she’s not as eager to hold a pencil.

If she were to have it her way, my little aspiring Artist would probably have art class for the entirety of the school day. Sandwiched between recess and Go Noodle dance breaks.

This is my little reluctant learner’s happy place – in proper non-reluctant form. Art for Kids Hub is an excellent resource for finding characters that your kiddos will love. It’s no doubt Little Mama gets a resounding A+ on the daily (see “Celebrate Little Wins” above). It’s no wonder directive art (otherwise known as “art class”) is normally top of our tiny Artists’ list of subjects. She is the direct product of two creatives – a Blogger, and Designer. Go figure!

BRING THEM ON VIRTUAL FIELD TRIPS

I was lucky enough to be able to piggy back on one of my friends’ virtual field trips with her class. We learned about the conservation of the ocean and our environment. It was a neat live experience for my daughter and it was even more inspiring to see other kids injecting their thoughts and questions into the experience. We both learned so much in a span of 30 minutes. Up next, is “Orca Week” where we will be learning about our island’s Marine ecosystem. Could I have taught her this with my own limited knowledge of all that is orca? Probably not. So, make life easier for yourself, jump on the virtual bandwagon and add some dimension to your homeschool curriculum. Who would’ve thought teaching science was as simple as picking up the phone and calling your local aquarium learning centre, or clicking on your city’s Observatory website. Home teaching has never been so… user-friendly!

PLAY GAMES

I actually learned this from an educator. Not all learning opportunities have to be linear and predictable. Some of the best ways for your reluctant learner to absorb information is to learn it in game form. Be it, online or off, games provide that extra motivational piece of an end reward. And no, I don’t let her win (err… all the time).

For math, we like to do card games or steal pieces from our closet full of board games that are easy to group or sort. For spelling, we play scrabble with our own twist. For some reading games, we give any or all of these a whirl:

Word World Apps & Games

PBS Kids Reading Games

Storyline Online

Read Works

Starfall Education

Squiggle Park Reading Games

SIDE STEP THE POWER STRUGGLE

Can you relate to parenting a child (or children) that are one way at school and the complete opposite at home? I think part of the challenge of homeschool is being able to get and keep our kids’ attention and willingness to learn. Sometimes it becomes a battle that can only be resolved with empty promises and negotiation. I don’t know about you – but I can’t keep fighting (or losing) this battle. It’s draining and counter-productive. It’s far more logical to take a step back and let the power struggle run its course, and surrender to the fact that sometimes my child just doesn’t want to do what she doesn’t want to do. And this goes for my toddler as well. I finally realized, it’s not a parenting fail to actually give in to the realization (and not give in to their demands, OR make them give in to mine) – and to accept that we are just not getting anywhere with the power struggle. So maybe this is the time to stop, take a break, and reconvene at a later time. This is when going outside, or having a bit of a mental or physical break might be the perfect solution to side stepping the power struggle.

Here are some ways to effectively offset the power struggles with your reluctant learner:

1. Remind them and yourself this isn’t a competition – there is no winner, per se. Ask them ways that they believe can help find a good solution. Provide choices for them and let them ultimately make the choice. 
2. Is their resistance triggering something familiar in your life? I know for me, I always felt unheard. As the youngest in my family, the shortest in class, and the quietest in my circle – I always felt like I was destined to be on the losing end of the stick. The key is to let go of the notion that your kiddo is a reluctant learner because they don’t respect you. One of the best ways to prevent you from flipping your lid, is the ability to step back and realize that this isn’t about YOU as the parent, or as their teacher, but just your child’s way to get their needs met and their concerns heard. By doing this, you will inadvertently end up on the same team. And that’s all they want. Perhaps… what you may have wanted in your own life. <enter…lightbulb moment> 
3. Remain neutral – agree that their frustrations or exhaustion is completely understandable. Not saying they’re right or wrong, but that it makes sense they feel the way they do. Use words like: “Hmmm.. you got a point there”, or “that may just be the case”, or “maybe”. And try to avoid the word “… but” and injecting your own views because that will essentially negate the whole remaining neutral thing.
4. Acknowledge what they’re feeling and model an alternate way to express it.
5. Empathize with their overwhelm. There may be a ton of things going on here. First, learning in this new norm, as appealing as it seems, might actually be difficult for them since it’s completely foreign. They may also be suppressing some of their fears of the unknown. Here is a great way to teach our kids to process some of these feelings of overwhelm, especially in light of what is happening on a global scale. I found this article on building resiliency for parents and caregivers to help support kids during these uncertain times. And I strongly encourage to talk to your kids honestly (and age-appropriately) about Covid-19. Here is a great resource to help parents and caregivers as they start and continue an open dialogue with their families.

LET THE OUTDOORS BE THEIR TEACHER

This isn’t a new concept and as luck would have it (if there is any kind of silver lining to be found), we happen to be going through social distancing in the warm spring months. So getting outside, not just to learn through exploration, but just for some fresh air, can only do a body (and brain) some good.

Side note: Yes, yes, I know my toddler is on a “leash” – but… like all puppy of sorts, he loves people, crossing streets, and getting his nose into everything. So for his protection and yours… we’re pulling out the leashes! #sorrynotsorry #socialdistancing #itsmycivicduty #besidesitsadorable

REMOVE DISTRACTIONS… ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE CUTE

Part of my reluctant learner’s challenge is that she is absolutely head over heels in love with her baby brother. As he is with her. Don’t get me wrong – they definitely have their moments too. But whether it’s a positive or a negative interaction – it is still distracting to have your in-house littlest hovering over your in-house student. So have a plan B, C – all the way to Z if need be. Time your more “serious” or challenging subjects for when you pull out the big guns that keep the littlest out of your student’s hair. So if that means their favorite learning program on Netflix for 30 minutes – let it be so. For the more independent study, or more flexible subjects – like letting her write in her daily journal, or working on cursive writing, that’s when pulling out a variety of toddler-safe toys could be as effective as it is fun. Just choose your battles wisely.

SNEAK IN LEARNING TIME IN EVERYDAY OPPORTUNITIES

I can’t stress this enough – while reading out loud or to themselves, cooking & baking (Little Mama’s love language), cleaning, playing, pretending, and simply conversing – learning is taking place. So take some of that pressure off yourself and your reluctant learner, and know that their busy little minds are soaking everything you are throwing at them.

TRY AN AUDIOBOOK

My kiddo is more of a visual learner, but she never says no to some good storytelling. When my repeated stories about how her dad and I met, or the day she was born gets too repetitive, a wonderful Audible story does the trick. Here are some awesomeAudible stories for kidsthat are free for your little ones’ enjoyment. Gives Mama a chance to sneak in a little me time too.

STOP HOVERING AND START WORKING

This is more for you work-at-home mamas who are trying to find creative ways to sneak in some work while homeschooling. Of course, I wouldn’t encourage you to multi-task unnecessarily – but for those of you who don’t have much choice, there are ways around the system. Having your notebook, smartphone, or computer, or whatever tool you need to keep some “light” work within arms reach, is a lovely way to fill in those gaps. What makes this so great for your child, is that they see you trust them to figure things out for themselves. It also gives them a glimpse of what life would be like working side-by-side with their favorite big person. I notice, when I stop hovering, and give her the space she so needs to learn and grow – she steps it up and puts more effort into what she is doing. Independence for your reluctant worker, means a little free moment for you to answer an email (1 down, 3254 to go!), make some tweaks to your projects, and have a nice long well-deserved sip of your lukewarm coffee.

DON’T PRETEND YOU KNOW IT ALL

Girlfriend – you don’t. That’s what makes this kind of a beautiful thing. You can actually learn with them. I have been mildly dreading this role as home teacher because I feel like I’m just not equipped to teach. My memory is shot, and my brain is mush on a good day. And don’t even get me started on a life of math without a calculator.

Don’t pretend you know it all. Take what you can get from this experience. You might not have been put on this earth to teach, but you were definitely put on this earth to be this little human’s parent. As such, you can learn from these tiny geniuses too.

I wanted to share with you our sample schedule for home learning as a general guideline of how I am able to integrate work/home/school balance in one household – while chasing a toddler and inspiring a reluctant learner.

Don’t be fooled – we stray.

ALL. THE. TIME. 

But we stay on track that much more. So try scheduling your day with all the team players in mind. As rigid as it looks – it is actually very freeing. Trust me – knowing what’s next, and making good use of your day not only helps your reluctant learner, but it also helps you, as the reluctant teacher mama, get the job done. So you can finally get YOUR job done. Even if your job at 9:30pm is to catch up on some much-deserved Netflix binging. When your schedule gives you 3+ hours of me time… who needs stickers??

How was your first day of homeschooling? Is it as intimidating as you had feared, or as easy as you thought?

Mama… you can do this.