The Impact of Social Distancing on Family and How to Manage Life at Home

Social distancing means strengthening your family bond.

I’ve always considered myself a woman destined to be a mom. I feel like I worked hard all my life, went through an array of career changes, placed all those fancy and not so fancy life experiences in a box, tied it up with a nice pretty bow, and tucked it away. Because at the end of the day – my life that was once filled with all colors of the rainbow led me to my ultimate destination – to be a mom.

These tiny people’s mom.

However, in all of our 9 years of being a family unit, never have we been placed in a situation quite like this. A situation where we are required to stay in each other’s bubble 24/7, and as lovely it has been most days, moments of challenge have definitely found its way into our home. We’re dealing with different personalities, different interests, limited resources and pretty much no breathing room except a couple hours a day outside. I know, first world problems right? 

The truth is – this social distancing can either strengthen your family bond or weaken it. I’m sure no one really decides they want to come out of all of this with weakened ties. So here is a list of ways to either maintain, or better yet, build a strong family bond with your partner, your parents, your monsters err… your children, and/or all the above while social distancing:

LEAN ON ONE ANOTHER

This is the time when we literally have no one to physically and metaphorically lean on but other household members. This is the time when we have to work really hard to keep that little person sitting across the table with spaghetti noodles hanging out of the sides of their mouth, and that teenager with the headphones glued to their ears presumably shutting you and the rest of the world out, ON YOUR SIDE. You have to be on the same side and sitting nice and cozy on very same page. There’s really no choice.

So how to do that? Listen to one another. Lean on one another. Be vulnerable with each other and allow them to be vulnerable with you. You don’t have to be the superhero of the family just because you happen to be a couple inches taller and born in an earlier decade. Fear and worry has no age preference. You don’t have to pretend you don’t have your worries. Instead of hiding your worries and fears, teach them how you navigate around them and work through them. At the same time, your kids, and your level-headed hubby can also be your teachers. Learn from their calm, learn to laugh, and most importantly, learn to lean.

You need them, as much as they need you.

LOWER YOUR PARENTING EXPECTATIONS

One of my biggest worries staying home for an indefinite period of time, is wondering if I’m doing my kids wrong. Am I reading enough to them? Am I letting my 9 year old read enough to me? Am I playing enough math games? Am I teaching enough words to my toddler? Am I hurting them by making them clean too much? Or not letting them learn to clean at all? Am I bringing them outside enough? Am I being the best mom I can be? Am I present enough? Or am I hovering too much?

All these questions need to just take a nice cozy spot on the back burner for now. While we are going through this global shake up… it’s time to actually take a step back and really think about the relevance of each of these questions. At this point, we need to concern ourselves with the good health and safety of our family members. Not if they will grasp the concept of complex arithmetic, tackle advanced level reading, or learn how to use a protractor correctly. Believe me, they will not be learning geography and understand the speed of virus transmission better any other time than NOW, in their entire academic career. Go easy on them, and on yourself, mama. You got this.

And contrary to popular belief, your kiddos? They’ve got this too…

PLAY

Little Mama is an introvert in her own right and is as happy as can be at home quietly building her legos, drawing her illustrations, writing her storybooks (grammatically incorrect or otherwise), and just living in the moment. My toddler is doing the same, in his own age-appropriate way. I have a lot to learn from these two. They wake up with no agenda. They just get their basic needs met, and then their whole day is filled with nothing more than play. Our connection with the kids and our family bond as a whole has never been better than it has been in the last couple weeks. We are no longer rushing from here to there, meeting deadlines, looking at the clock, and forcing them into doing all our boring adult stuff like running errands, attending parties they don’t even care to be at, and going through the usual rigamarole of everyday life. They’re happy because the purity and simplicity of play is valued in our home, and their parents are both letting go of their daily hang ups, getting down to their level, and actually playing with them. What a concept! Strengthening your family bond through play is so easy, and yet it takes a pandemic for us to actually do it. I have learned in these last few days to prioritize play time with my kids, right up there with feeding them, working hard earned hours to get food on the table, and paying bills. At the end of the day, it’s all they ask for, and it’s our job, and our privilege to do this for them. And for us. 

IMMERSE YOURSELF IN ALL THE TINY DETAILS

We spend most of our parenting lives making ends meet, running from activity to activity, and adhering to the parenting books’ rules of bedtime. It’s quite exhausting if you really stop and think about it. So now that we really have no choice but to stop and smell the roses, why don’t you actually stop and smell that little curly spot at the top of their head, or play with their squiggly little toes. Time together with our little ones are fleeting, and we really don’t know what the future holds. So immerse, engage, and acknowledge the awesome that is right under your nose. 

TRY TO KEEP SOME SENSE OF NORMALCY BUT BE OKAY WITH DETOURS

I truly admire families that are able to continue their everyday schedules and routines in light of all that’s happening in our world today. They see how much it benefits their children and themselves as a family unit. We are currently struggling in the arena, but in a way, I am taking this time to enjoy some of the little joys we have chosen to indulge in temporarily. From room sharing, to surprise screen time allowances (I actually forgot to set the timer a few times, and in so many ways, not having to deal with resistance and negotiation felt so free!), to later bed times leading seamlessly into later wake times – there has been quite a few areas of flexibility. The first week has been a very welcomed treat for the kids, but as we approach the onset of homeschooling, I am slowly gearing up to moving our schedule back to normalcy and getting the kids back into routine. I find that allowing ourselves to veer off our regular programming – is a healthy shock to our system. Like “cheat days”, it won’t kill you, it’ll just give you a tiny dose of what you are seemingly missing, and with a little reprogramming and a couple rough spots in between, your kids will yearn for the consistency of a predictable schedule. 

And speaking of normalcy, I like the idea of keeping things as normal as possible as far as how we communicate with our kids. It’s a scary time, for anyone, let alone a vulnerable child. Maintaining an even-keeled tone throughout the day, is the best way to keep our kids feeling as supported as they need to be. 

READ TOGETHER

This is something we already do, but now, more than ever, it is essential to make time to start or end the day with some light fictional escape – together. Little do my stinkers know that while we’re doing this to keep our family bond going strong, we are also throwing in a little brain work in there. Yay – bonus homeschooling points for mama!

NAP & SNUGGLE (or find ways to fit in some of that much needed sleep)

Ahhh the old adage of nap & snuggle! You know what they say –  sleep when the kids sleep? That has never been more true than now. So sleep, mama. Sleep. Those dishes, that laundry, that email, can absolutely wait until 1.5 hours from now. Goodness knows, you’re not sleeping well at night. So take that nap while you can. 

But how about if you don’t have the luxury to nap? How about if your preschooler is not a napper, or it would actually be detrimental for them to even have a split second of a nap – something you would have to pay for at bedtime? Well – it might be time to get creative. If you have another trusted adult in the house, perhaps take turns napping. Goodness knows having all the kids home full time – you really have no choice but to divide and conquer. 

Single Mama? Dad is heroically covering shifts as an essential worker, and there’s really no chance to nap? I hear you, and my hats off to you.. Maybe it’s time to consider snuggling with the kids at bedtime and catch some much needed early zzz’s then. Maybe a couple nights a week, sacrifice some of those alone times post bedtime, and go to bed yourself (or with the kiddos… we all need a little bed sharing right about now anyway).

Or bring your creativity and genius to a whole other level, and do what this brilliant dad did. Grab a blanket, curl up on the couch, set your kids up for a 15 minute “art session” to “draw a sleeping person” challenge – and hook yourself up to the world’s most epic cat nap your tired self has ever seen. 

LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER

I mean, really stop for a moment and hear each other out. There is a reason your child, your baby, or your spouse feels the need to express themselves. If they seem troubled, acting disconnected, overly excitable, or completely withdrawn – maybe they’re trying to say, I need my space. Or I need to stop. Or I need you to stop. Or I need you to sit next to me, but can we say nothing at all? Or better yet, maybe they’re projecting whatever it is they may be receiving from you, in which case, check in with yourself. Are you feeling like you need to be heard? Do you need to voice out some of your concerns? I recently read an enlightening and thought-provoking article about how we are processing what we are feeling with regards to what’s happening in the world today. It’s  a very poignant take on how our feelings of discomfort is really the grief of losing our sense of normalcy and connection. And in my own family’s experience of working through grief, we know that turning to each other is not only an option, it’s a necessity. 

Listen to one another. There is so much noise going on in the world right now, in the news, across the street, and all over social media. While you’re at home, every once in awhile, check in with one another – ask the questions … and listen. 

PRAY/MEDITATE/WELCOME IN PEACE… Together

A family that prays together, stays together. No….I’m not pray-shaming you if it’s not something you do with your family – but there’s something about coming together as a unit and surrendering yourselves to a moment of reflection, calm, and meditation. Our family is not typically into family meditation or yoga, although I have always wanted to give that a try. But every so often, we listen to calm music, carve out time for quiet play, rest our eyes, and just peacefully BE in the moment. Being mindful of our need to just take a long and deep breath from the hustle and bustle of home and its outskirts, has helped us to collectively come to terms with our reality. This mindfulness has helped exponentially with our family bond.

Our one year old is obviously not sophisticated enough to understand this, but we took a page out of his book – halfway through the day when you’re feeling the overwhelm – why not lay down, snuggle up to your proverbial comfort blanky, and just take a break. Let that comfort blanky by the very people that give you comfort. Your family.

How is your family coping with social distancing?

Mama… embrace your family bond – it’s the most tangible thing you can touch right now.