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5 Ways I Learned To Move Through Grief :: Vol. 46 #5Faves

January 31, 2017 By Deb B. 4 Comments

January 30th – marks a very significant day for my family and I. It was my very first experience of profound grief. Four years ago today, I lost my daughter, Victoria, half way through my pregnancy. It was my first loss. While I went through the 3 phases of shock and grief on repeat, every member of my family including my husband, my parents, and even my daughter, experienced their own version of grief. It was the first time I endured something as traumatic as this, and that feeling has never really gone away. 

Later that year, I fell pregnant again and this time we were excited (and quite confident) we were going to meet our son, William. But a few months prior to his due date, January 30th of the following year (also, halfway through our pregnancy), he was delivered prematurely with no chance of survival. Again, the trauma and grief resurfaced.

For the following two years we suffered 2 more late losses and another 5 early miscarriages to follow. The word grief barely scratches the surface of what I was experiencing those three horrific years of trying to conceive a healthy baby. 

But somehow, 4 years later, I am able to write this with a light heart, on the anniversary of the first loss of my second child. Apparently, in the last four years, I have found a handful of ways to help me move through grief and  to move away from being paralyzed by it.

Here are 5 ways I have been able to move through my grief after loss:

 

1:: 5 WAYS THAT HELPED ME MOVE THROUGH GRIEF: Seeking Change

Have you ever experienced the end of a good run, or a break up with a significant other and the first order of business was to make an appointment to get your hair done? Yeah – me too. And Little Mama feels the exact same way. Hair grows back, after all…

Change is good. Change may even be necessary. And change certainly does its part to distract and diverge. But when it comes to grief, a simple change of aesthetics may not be enough.

What I needed was a change of mindset. And how could I do that? By changing my overall outlook, I had to look inward. Where did I need the most change? That was an easy one. The place I called home. 

I have spent many hours, days, months, and years in a home that was dark, gloomy, and sad. It wasn’t my home. It was a borrowed home. My brother’s dark couch (worked great in his bachelor pad, once upon a time) which I often referred to as my grieving couch, dark mustard colored walls that I have dreamt of painting for years, and a layout that didn’t represent me or my family. So I started to purge. I followed the KonMari method and got rid of things that offered a sense of “bad juju” and replaced them with things that made our home feel more “us”. 

We added family photos, changed the overall flow and look of our home, kept things light and minimal, and removed all reminders of sadness. We made our house into a home. 

2:: 5 WAYS THAT HELPED ME MOVE THROUGH GRIEF: Be Grateful

I have a beautiful little girl. She’s healthy. She’s happy. She’s safe. 

I have an incredible husband. He gets me. I’m myself with him. He encourages me to follow through with my dreams. He loves and lives for his family. He’s also ridiculously cute. In a world of chaos and broken family relationships, we are blessed to have peace within our family. 

I have a home. I eat an abundance of food (even a plethora of restaurants to choose from). I have a car. My child has toys. A LOT of them.

I have incredible friends. Some I laugh with, some I cry with. I have learned to cope with the breakdown of friendships where the bonds and ties aren’t real, and have become more in tune with solid relationships.

I’m alive. I’m well. I have choices. I live in a beautiful city on a beautiful island. 

So why am I still so sad? I ask this of myself every time I have my grieving moments. I know that dark place in my mind is real and although I may not always be in the midst of this dark place, it never really goes away. But when it creeps up on me when I least expect it, I face it, and then remind myself of what I have, trying my best to move away from focusing on what I don’t have. 

I keep a journal of gratitude so I can look back and remind myself that gratitude may be the only way I can avoid drowning. As I come up for air and take in little reminders of the little and great things I have in my life, slowly but surely, I start to gain the confidence to swim again.

3:: 5 WAYS THAT HELPED ME MOVE THROUGH GRIEF: Do Things That Bring Happiness

 

I’ve been making it a point to go on long walks while listening to uplifting music. It’s become part of my everyday. The moment I step foot outside of my house, with my go-to Pumas, I feel a weight being lifted. Nothing is heavier than grief. It weighs you down emotionally, spiritually, and eventually it ways you down physically. It’s dark and paralyzing. So when I take these daily walks, I invite lightness into my life. I welcome the fresh air. Even when it rains, I feel the beauty of walking in through the dampness, which I once saw as depressing. There’s something about creating a space and time for happiness. Some people call it “fake it til you make it”, I like to call it – taking baby steps to finding happiness, until it actually starts to fill your everyday. 

4:: 5 WAYS THAT HELPED ME MOVE THROUGH GRIEF: Play

When things are grey, nothing adds more color than play. 

As much as possible, during our bouts of grief, our family finds ways to bring play back into our lives. We know that carrying the burden of sadness in the presence of a then toddler/preschooler, is doing a disservice to our little one. This doesn’t mean we aren’t honest and open with our feelings with Little Mama, this just means we prioritize as much moments of play and fun as we do, allowing our family to sort through our grief. 

And wouldn’t you know it – we end up having fun, after all. 

5:: 5 WAYS THAT HELPED ME MOVE THROUGH GRIEF: Face It and Talk About it

I have mastered the art of pretense when it comes to grief. I have learned to suppress the tears and the sadness and have excelled in the forced smile department. I’m not saying my moments of bliss aren’t real – but certainly, there are days where I am feeling less than inspired, incredibly deflated, and just not ready to introduce a bounce back into my step. 

And those days are okay.

I’ve become aware that grief isn’t a topic that many people are comfortable talking about or dealing with. In my world, however, I found that facing my grief head on, is the only way I can truly work through it. I have to throw all pretense out the window and see those moments for what they really are. 

So I do just that. I blog about it. I jot down thoughts in a notebook. I read past entries and relive those feelings. I let it come out. Whether it’s through tears, or speaking about it – I let it out. I don’t try to compensate for the grief by being angry, or being overly joyful – I simply live through the grief. The sooner I face it, the sooner I am able to move along with it. 

I have been faced with a few challenges along the way. Husband rarely expresses his grief overtly – to me, or anyone else. At one point, I found it offensive and downright wrong and it was what almost broke us those first few years of loss. What I didn’t realize is that his grief manifests itself in different ways. At first he used to illustrate how he envisioned his babies in his mind, later he lost the ability to translate their image into artform. So much so, that he had to stop all together. He becomes especially distracted with the non-essentials at the key points of our grief because facing it is just too difficult. But in his own time, it would hit him like a slap in the face. 

Then there was a friend that questioned my grief. I found myself holding back with my feelings because I was afraid of what this so-called friend would think of me. I prioritized how my grief would look to others rather than honoring and loving myself enough to grieve the way I needed to, in the time that was necessary. This friend has long since gone, and I have been able to freely go through the ups and downs of grief without added guilt and sacrifice. 

Sometimes, it’s not the grief that we have to let go… it’s the unrealistic expectations we have of ourselves that we need to let go. We’re only human after all. 

Bonus Fave :: 5 WAYS THAT HELPED ME MOVE THROUGH GRIEF: Know There’s a Light At the End of the Proverbial Tunnel

Tenth time’s a charm, right? 

Well… that’s what I’m telling myself. And I’m sticking to it. I’m sure all my loved ones, whether they will admit it or not, think I’m absolutely crazy for trying to get pregnant again. Who can blame them? But instead of looking at it as the 10th stubborn attempt to having a healthy baby, I’m referring to this choice as not giving up hope. To rely on such hope, keep the faith, and do all I can to enjoy the process along the way. That, is definitely life worth living.

Don’t forget to visit our fabulous co-host of #5faves at The Koala Mom. We would love to hear some of YOUR five favorite things too. Link up below! 

You don’t have to move on from your grief, move through it.

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Filed Under: 5Faves, our fertility journey, Sass & Smalls gets real, the everyday Tagged With: 5faves, baby loss, family, grief, infant loss, loss, miscarriage, pregnancy

About Deb B.

Deb Balino is the voice behind Sass & Smalls, host of the newly launched Podcast - Sass & Small Talk, and a mom of two - an artistic and quirky 11-year-old, and an outspoken, homewrecking, retro music loving, 4-year-old. A décor and style enthusiast, as well as a home systems hack creator, with a mildly concerning obsession of all things "bin-worthy", Deb enjoys sharing products, experiences, progressive ideas, and simple shifts in mindset that has helped her family navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting. Deb is also a homeschool teacher, partially by choice, partially pandemic-inspired, while advocating and caring for her parents as an active member of the Sandwich Generation. With vulnerability, and a dash of humour - she shares the reality of her world, all while keeping things as sassy as they once were before the drool, meltdowns, and potty mishaps entered the picture.

Her creative ideas, lengthy storytelling, and everyday musings have been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Style, BBC News, and YMC.CA

Comments

  1. paula schuck says

    January 31, 2017 at 11:47 am

    Hello beautiful! I am so happy to read a post here and to find you looking so lovely in all of these gorgeous photos. I hope this time is the charm as you said. I am sending love and light and hope and many good wishes for this to be the chance that makes your darling girl a big sister to someone she can hold in her hands and not only in her heart. You are a strong mama and I can’t even imagine the amount of grief you have been through. PS. I am loving your hair.
    paula schuck recently posted…MiVue 480 DashCam – Safe Technology for Your Drive #GiveawaysMy Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      February 2, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      You’re a love. Thank you for your kind words of hope. I always value them, as I know you know of the struggles of growing a family – and I am always inspired by you and your fortitude and strength. And my hair thanks you 🙂 (Let’s see how long the bangs last before I regret them… haha)
      Reply
  2. Gingermommy says

    February 1, 2017 at 11:55 am

    I imagine these tips will help many. I had a friend experience a loss in her third trimester. I felt so helpless
    Reply
    • debalino says

      February 2, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      Oh Kim. The feeling of helplessness is truly a gift to your friend as your heart is so heavy for her, you don’t even know what to do. Your empathy is love. I am so sorry for your friend’s profound and tragic loss. Hugs.
      Reply

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Deb B. | Sass & Smalls
SOMETHING * IS * BREWING :: A #behindthescenes gli SOMETHING * IS * BREWING :: A #behindthescenes glimpse of what feels like the beginning of a powerful shift in #womenshealth right here in #Victoria.

To stand alongside such empowered women — #caregivers, #changemakers, survivors, women from all walks of life — in the very place where the hands and hearts of this hospital held me and my family together (in more ways than one)… it was overwhelming in the best way.

Even more so, to share it with my daughter, my fiercest little survivor. Both of our stories of survival are woven into these hospital walls.

This was more than just a shoot. This was change taking place in real time. Honoured to be a tiny part of this moment as it unfolds.

Thank you for bringing this to life @ourvichospitals @averybrohman @gaellevanerp 💛
To the kind dad at the @royalbaycolwood Easter Egg To the kind dad at the @royalbaycolwood Easter Egg Hunt this past Saturday—

You probably didn’t realize how much you and your kids impacted our day.

My son had just missed the first few minutes of the egg hunt (as usual, this mama was running late with a million things on her plate—homeschooling, caregiving, promoting a show, working from home, managing the home, advocating, feeding the young and old, managing moods... the usual chaos).

He stood in line for the balloon dome and said quietly, trying , “I got zero eggs, mama.”

You heard him. Your son, who seemed a bit overwhelmed himself covering his ears from all the noise, and your little girl, reached into their own baskets and filled my son’s bag.

I watched as kindness bloomed in real time.

You didn’t just hand out chocolate—you gave my son the gift of feeling seen and included. You taught your kids what generosity really looks like.

And for this tired, always-late, sandwich-gen special-needs mom—your gesture meant more than you’ll ever know.

If anyone in the Westshore community knows this lovely family (dad of Grayson?), please tag them or send them our thanks.

This is what #community looks like. 🐣💛

#SandwichGeneration #GlassChild #NeurodivergentMom #MomGuilt #CommunityLove #WestshoreBC #VictoriaMoms #RoyalBayColwood #RealEasterMagic #SmallKindnessBigImpact
She podcasts. She parents. She’s got a 🌶️ She podcasts. 
She parents. 
She’s got a 🌶️ 🧠.
She’s fresh outta burnout mode.
She sips #HappyJ.
And now, with🎙️in hand… she’s streaming on @TELUS @STORYHIVE (because even #actionfigures need a l’il 📺 airtime).

Hey, I’m Deb B., host of @sassandsmalltalkpodcast — a podcast turned video series where we get real about #parenting and #caregiver #burnout, and find joy in the messy middle.

Fueled by my go-to fix-the-gut-fix-the-burnout potion🥤, a l’il bit of tears, and a whole lotta sass, this season brings on the reality of living in the #burnout generation, with guests who will leave you asking yourself “where have they been all my life?”

Because we are DONE glorifying busy.
We’re saying YES to rest.
And HEEEECK YES to finding our joy once again. #INeedMySassBack

Catch the Pod Edition now on TELUS OptikTV Ch 9, Stream+, and on #Storyhive YouTube (Search Storyhive Sass Small Talk) Link on my bio for Episodes 1 & 2.

🦉 Sexy Studio. ✔️ I 👀 @haus.of.owl 
🛋️ Cozy couch. ✔️
🎙️ Good convo. ✔️
🥹 Big feelings. ✔️
🤩 And even bigger lashes. ✔️✔️✔️

LET’S TALK. 

Oh and PS - wanna know how to get your action figure #animated? Follow me, write “SASS”, and let me know what your action figure would be in the comments below and I’ll hook you up. 

#SassAndSmalls #TelusStoryhive #HappyJEnergy #GoodbyeBurnout #SmallTalkBigFeels #actionfigure #barbie #AI #Amare #happyblend #cortisol
When life gives you burnout… do squats. 🍑 In When life gives you burnout… do squats. 🍑

In Episode 2 of @sassandsmalltalkpodcast “Reclaiming Joy of #Parenthood Beyond Burnout”, I take on the ultimate #challenge:
Fitting fitness into my already chaotic #caregiving, #homeschooling, always behind the wheel, #neurodivergent navigating, mom-life schedule. 🧠🎢💪

Add to the mix, a busy 🧠 that thrives on chaos and fun? Why not #gamify? Moms- let’s do the #TriggerWordChallenge!! Every time your kids say (aka “demand”, I mean c’mon now…) “MOM!”, do a squat! In the kitchen, while cleaning, cooking, folding laundry. Just don’t do it driving! #safetyfirst

For this episode, Every time *I* said the word “lash” — yep, I squat. 😅

Joining me is none other than Victoria’s go-to #LashLady, who most would call a client-proclaimed “lash-a-pist” and certified #fitness coach, Emily Bowman @nevaehjade.beautywellness, who’s here to talk #burnout, #beauty, and #body movement. And I’m here to try and master the world’s most chaotic squat routine. 🙃

Side note: Psssst… your girl hasn’t done a squat since before the Pandy of 2020 so this may be nbd to the average person, but it’s quite literally a miracle ⛪️ for 🙋🏻‍♀️. #whateverworks #amIright?

Catch more laughter, squats, Yoga-envy 🧘🏻‍♀️, words of wisdom, and a tear or two…  on the full episode 🎙️NOW STREAMING on a 📺 near you. @Telus OptikTV (search “Storyhive Sass” on Demand), Ch. 9, Stream+ app, @storyhive YouTube

Comment “Squat” if you want the full episode link on @storyhive‘s YouTube. But it’s even more fun on TV, so try that first! We sure are…

#SassAndSmallTalk #SquatGoals #BurnoutAndBootyGains #bunsofsteel #LashLadyTakesOver #NeurodivergentMomLife #CaregiverFitness #SquatWhileYouCan #HomeschoolChaos #MomLifeUnfiltered #VictoriaBC #StoryHive #ReclaimYourJoy #JLoGotNothingOnMe
The PREMIERE episode is now LIVE on a 📺 near yo The PREMIERE episode is now LIVE on a 📺 near you!

SASS & SMALL TALK “Reclaiming the Joy of Parenthood, Beyond Burnout” is NOW STREAMING on @TELUS OptikTV, Ch. 9, Stream+, and @storyhive. 

“Join Deb and local lifestyle creator and entrepreneur, Natasha Mills of @mommamillsblog. Natasha reveals her bold shift from a successful corporate career to building a personal brand from home, striving for family balance while advocating for her community in Victoria, BC. Will this new path bring the joy she seeks, or will it come with its own set of challenges and #burnout? Tune in for an inspiring discussion on making a #careerpivot, finding purpose, and evolving as a recovering high achiever.”

Recorded & Produced @haus.of.owl @nikkye_music @jakerfilms @eric.thebald @remy.is.remy @hoelune 

@sassandsmalltalkpodcast is made possible with the support from TELUS STORYHIVE, and is available for free on
TELUS Optik TV, CH.9, and Stream+

#watchlocal #SassAndSmallTalk #ParenthoodUnfiltered #MomBurnout  #ParentingPodcast #StoryHive #VictoriaBC #MentalWellnessMatters #twinmom #momprenuer #burnoutrecovery #twinfamily
Calling in the troops. 🫠🔥 Because burnout is Calling in the troops. 🫠🔥
Because burnout is real—and so is the comeback.

Meet the incredible guests of the debut Season on TELUS StoryHive of “Sass & Small Talk: Reclaiming the Joy of Parenthood Beyond Burnout” 🎙️

After years of #caregiving, #homeschooling, and navigating life in a #neurodivergent family… I hit a wall. 

Hello, #Burnout. 👋 

But thanks to @telus and the @storyhive Video Podcast Program, I sat down with fellow parents, experts, and some of the most resilient humans right here in Victoria, BC to have the conversations we ALL need.

Together, we talk burnout, grief, the mental load of parenting, partnership, career pivots, and what it really takes to reclaim joy and purpose in the thick of #parenting and caregiving. 

Made in the community. For the community. 

📍Filmed at: @hausofowl
🎤 Featuring:
@mommamillsblog @nevaehjade.beautywellness @glowjar_ 
@truedad.community 
@minimaggie 
@sacred_advantage 
@sarjo08 
@scarletjaxen

Episodes 1 & 2 NOW streaming on TELUS OptikTV Ch. 9, Stream+, Storyhive YouTube. One episode drop every Tuesday until May 20th. 

This is for the #caregivers. The #sandwichgen. #Parents rebuilding from burnout with community, courage, and a whole lotta sass. 💬

#CallingInTheTroops
#SassAndSmallTalk #ParenthoodUnfiltered #CaregiverBurnout #NeurodivergentFamily #MomBurnout #ReclaimYourJoy #ParentingPodcast #StoryHive #VictoriaBC #MentalWellnessMatters 
#watchLocalTV
AUTISTIC BURNOUT :: Did you know there was such a AUTISTIC BURNOUT :: Did you know there was such a thing?

Me Neither! 

But it sure helped me understand my #neurdodivergent not-so-baby teen daughter who has been in #burnout mode for years. Gaining understanding of this aspect of burnout helps us find ways to cope when it creeps up on us as parents - and especially for our children. 

Here’s a #behindthescenes look of my talk on @sassandsmalltalkpodcast filmed at the amazing creative studios of @haus.of.owl with @kkayjudas at @sacred_advantage. She is our wonderful guest and a dear friend (and incredible advocate for my daughter specifically), who shares insight and personal experience on #autisticburnout in this raw and honest interview about how she navigated (continues to navigate) life on the spectrum especially during burnout. I may or may not have shed a tear… or 10… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tune in on @telus OptikTV Channel 9, stream+ on MAY 6th, and @storyhive YouTube on May 27th  to watch this compelling episode. 

And giving extra love to my beautiful and talented daughter who fine tuned the edit of this video! How blessed am I to be the mama of this creative young lady. Now gimme my phone back!!! 🤨

Have you or a loved one experienced Autistic Burnout?
Behind every #sandwichgeneration #entrepreneural # Behind every #sandwichgeneration #entrepreneural #homeschool #mom with #ADHD and #spicy kids, is: 
• a floor filled with painful-to-step-on toys and crafts
• Sniffly kiddos every few weeks 
• nothing crossed off her to-do list
• hundreds of unanswered texts/emails
• and a #mentalload sometimes too overwhelming to carry 

But unlike all the other gloomy seasons I’ve experienced this tough season, I have never felt such peace. 

WHY: 

• I have been walking through my #faithjourney with George and it’s been giving me a different outlook on everything life has thrown our way. My sistas in faith have kept us afloat this tough season @esther.driver @caarly.xo @lishgarv @nicoleacaldwell 

• I have been intentional on fixing my #guthealth, #cortisollevels, and #cognitivefunction with my daily #HJ #happy blend drink, and it has done wonders to my #mentalwellness  and overall health. <DM me for more info on this game changer drink>.

• I’ve been learning to just live in the moment and not be so caught up with doing EVERYTHING all at once. 

• I’m surrounding myself (albeit virtually and in spirit) with some of my chosen fam who probably get the most neglect of all, but still give me grace while I clumsily navigate this crazy season @nengineermom @rahannavu  @iamharpsra 
@m_stiggity 
@jenny_p1987  @westislanddesigns @kkayjudas @teacuphuman09 @i_am_miss_jen @swanny80 @trishita_namagita 

• Even though my business relies heavily on my #online presence, I’m giving myself grace for fully immersing myself in the needs of my family this last month I’ve been MIA. I know I can pick up where I left off, and lean on my mentors & biz sistas to pull me out of the seasonal funk @caitoaks @mommamillsblog, @happybalancemama @sweetmamalifedaily, and get back on track. 

Busy, overwhelmed mama… I see you. This is just a season. Do what you need to do, especially for you and your loved ones. Everything will still be there ready for you to “tackle” when you’re ready. 

And what losing two loved ones these last couple weeks has taught me - we’re only here temporarily. Spend your time earthside doing what you love, and loving who you love. @gjavier5 ❤️
No amount of “juice” can lessen the exposure t No amount of “juice” can lessen the exposure to elementary school winter bugs, but it sure came in handy when we need it IN & OUT of our household. 

Especially since I have elderly under my care. 

It skipped George and I entirely - but it definitely hit our two little ones, as bugs do. 

After a nice, tall glass of kid’s #HJ (mixed with some mango edge+ for my bigger and pickier smallie) - along with a nice snuggly nap - the symptoms were way less vicious than previous colds, and gone by the time I blended them their dose the next morning. 

It’s not some miracle drink with empty promises - it’s just ALL the good stuff in a glass. 

DM me if you want a sip for yourself or your sniffly kiddos. I’m telling you, our overall health and wellness as a family, has improved, since focusing on our #guthealth.

There is no price too high to pay for overall #wellness.

#happyblend #amare #fluseason
Impromptu check-in with my girl, Nicole from @happ Impromptu check-in with my girl, Nicole from @happybalancemama talking about all things #Amare. The reality behind #burnout,  #mentalwellness, finding our way through the everyday challenges and #mentalload of #motherhood, and how both of our lives have SHIFTED dramatically since starting our journey with fixing our #guthealth. 

#happyblend #juice #GBX #gutbrainconnection #gutbrainaxis #gutbrainhealth #gutbrain #motherhood #overwhelm
C O R T I S O L :: If you’re anything like me, y C O R T I S O L :: If you’re anything like me, you’ve tried to amp up in overall wellness - doing ALL the things…  and nothing worked 🪀🪀🪀🪀🪀 

ME THEN:(4.5 mnths + 4 decades ago)

• Cortisol levels out of control 
• Made self-sabotaging choices 
 • giving into sugar cravings
 • staying up all night doom 
  scrolling & researching 
  how to “fix” my life/kids/home 
  leading to #burnout
• Poor time management
• Emotionally charged and reactive due to poor quality sleep 

• What REALLY needed the most help - was my GUT. <ENTER #HJ #Amare #cortisolcontrol>

ME NOW: 

• Boost in: mood, motivation, metabolism, energy
• reduced bloating and inflammation
• Cravings gone, due to regulated blood sugar
• #cortisol #puffyface gone
• Better quality and DEEPER sleep
• Balanced hormones
• Improved cognitive function and no brain fog

** ADDED BONUS: A more organized home 
** DOUBLE ADDED BONUS: I’m the best mom I have ever been for my kiddos: ⬇️ reactive, ⬆️stress resilience

✨✨What I’m doing 👇🏼✨✨

• I mixed these two (or three) very simple supplements (EASY for my busy brain)
• First Supplement: Mood/Motivation/Metabolism - decreased bloating 
• Second supplement: Balanced hormones & mental wellness, improved skin, deeper sleep

2025 - I’m here for ya. BRING. IT. ON.

Comment CORTISOL OR just DM me, and I’ll send you more info and a link! 🥳
LIVE:: Sass & Small Chats with my girl Nicole @hap LIVE:: Sass & Small Chats with my girl Nicole @happybalancemama, before Mama Duty calls!  Chatting all things “Happy Blend”. We’ll do another spontaneous Live 2.0 when it’s not so nice outside!! For now - here’s a little bit of my personal experience with the Happy Blend  and how it’s made major shifts in mine and my family’s lives.  #30DayMentalwellnesschallenge
G R I N C H :: Just over here dreaming of a #green G R I N C H :: Just over here dreaming of a #greenChristmas when the kids and I had more time, energy, and gumption to do community deliveries to our local heroes. 

Since the #Pandemic, this little tradition of ours have stopped but our gratitude remains. @saanichpolice @saanichfiredepartment, Victoria Fertility Clinic, Sherwood Dental, and some of our buds who held our hands through our #grief and #fertility journey. 

Sigh. Was fun while it lasted. 

Thank you @dee_monster_girl @adammessana  @fiendwithoutaface87 for the inspo.

#throwback #grinch #Christmas
#NationalFamilyCaregiversMonth #november P I N K #NationalFamilyCaregiversMonth #november 

P I N K :: I recently learned that flamingos lose their pink when caring for others (notably, mom flamingos) —and I felt that deeply this past year. When my sweet elderly Mama had an unfortunate fall, resulting in emergency surgery, an extended hospital stay, and complete dependence on full time care, I was torn between moving in and being there for her full-time, caring for my sick kids and husband, homeschooling, and managing my business. 

I lost my pink.

Everything else—work, plans, even my son’s birthday—had to wait. Our home was a mess, appointments were missed, mistakes were made, friendships were tested, and the mental load was heavy. But nothing compared to watching my once strong Mama feel powerless as she leaned into the support she needed but once resisted.

My Mom lost her pink. 

It was a season of sacrifice, but now returning the equipment, that helped with her recovery, is a moment I’ll never forget.  I can now see from a clear lens, that working together as a family (my own family, my brother’s, my parents), we made it through, with the power of faith, a supportive community and amazing and understanding friends, love, and especially prayer.

It feels so good to stand back and see the full picture. And best of all… 

Both my Mama and I got our pink back.

@redcrosscanada 

#Caregiving #FamilyFirst #Gratitude #FlamingoFeels #FaithAndFamily
M A G G I E :: 🎉 Some #BTS #onthepod @sassandsm M A G G I E :: 🎉 Some #BTS #onthepod @sassandsmalltalkpodcast with my long lost twin and the hilariously brilliant MAGGIE of @thecatmompodcast ! We’re diving deep into life with a #SpicyBrain 🧠, talking all things #ADHD, and how she’s been navigating motherhood, chaos, and #burnout like the absolute rockstar she is. 💥

🎂 Oh, and did I mention it’s her #BIRTHDAY today?! 🎈 Be sure to give @minimaggie ALL the love in the comments! 🥳👇🏻

This episode, filmed at @haus.of.owl, is packed with so much relatable insight (and laughter... SO. MUCH. LAUGHTER 😂). Catch it #comingsoon #2025 on @TELUS OptikTV @storyhive! You won’t want to miss this one. 💬🎙️

Life just got a little more interesting @gjavier5 @ianshockeycards. Our apologies in advance… #doubletrouble 👭🏻
MY. FAM. IS. THRIVING. That is all. DM (and Fo MY. FAM. IS. THRIVING. 

That is all. 

DM (and Follow me) for deets on this amazing EASY 30sec Wellness supplement (and other #Amare Go-tos) that has elevated this family from shaking things up in the gut (bye 💩 probs), to clearing things up in the 🧠 (Wait - they actually WANT to learn? 🤯) … NOTHING ELSE has worked THIS GOOD for this family of Neuro-Ds. 

It’s not just some magic fix. 
It’s au naturale. Backed by science.
It’s #guthealth.
It’s #cognitivefunction.
Down to the cellular level.

✨ Sidenote: “Thriving” doesn’t mean, perfect, always happy, or that everyone is ALWAYS on the same page. 

That would just be weird. 

It means: 
• our target areas of concern (individually) are being addressed. 
• less chaos, more peace. 
• less reactive, less defensive
• more motivation, less resistance

We’re all collectively on our way to overall physical and mental wellness. 

And the best part is - all the kids care about is that it tastes darrrrrrrrn good. 

So what are you waiting for?
C O N N E C T I O N :: Now that George and I are b C O N N E C T I O N :: Now that George and I are both focusing on our COLLECTIVE #cortisolbalance - both our relationship and our kids benefit from these changes: 

• no longer reactive (to each other/kids)
• more playful with the kids, no longer irritable 
• have the #mentalclarity to pause and let each other have a say
• more well-rested - due to resisting #sleeprevenge (guys, I actually WANT to sleep now!! WHAT!??) 
• less overwhelm by everyday stressors
• tackle to-dos faster, together - procrastination completely not our thing anymore

** And the best and most shocking of them all… I am no longer impulsive with needless, emotional-spending, and that alone is a 🎁 for George! 

So many men and women in our age group are struggling like we were, only a few months ago.

This healthy cortisol mocktail is a daily favorite, takes 30 seconds to make, and is filled with adaptogens and healthy ingredients!

Comment CORTISOL and I’ll send you what we’ve been using to get to the bottom of our cortisol issues. WITH a $10 discount + 10% savings. 

✨ follow me for more simple tips for cortisol, weight, sleep, and stress for mamas and our partners too!

✨ Make sure you are following me to get the DM!

P. S. my husband prioritizes my daily intake as much as his own because we both know - “Happy wifey, easier Lifey” 😂☺️
P A R T N E R S H I P :: Our live discussion with P A R T N E R S H I P :: Our live discussion with Graham Meckling, Author, Coach, Educator, Community builder - as he launches his amazing and groundbreaking Online community at @truedad.community.

With focus on building the foundation as a team/partnership/family even PRIOR to becoming one, and how it’s a complete Gamechanger when faced with the reality of parenting in the coming years. 

Be sure to share this with any new parents-to-be who might need this resource - a sibling, a friend, a coworker, a distant cousin who you only seem to know on IG - we all know someone who might feel a little lost as they navigate this new chapter in their lives. This is not your everyday community - so grab a spot and find the community you never really know you needed! 

Seasoned parents - Graham’s book “Babies Don’t talk” has wonderful insights that are just as applicable to any stage of parenting as it is for the new parent - so GRAB YOUR COPY! I did and George and I ate it right up!
Found her. • • And right behind this once #b Found her. 
•
•

And right behind this once #burntout #Mama, finding her way back into her element again, sass-inclusive, are these #behindthescenes (behind the camera/desk/computer/headphones) MIRACLE WORKERS at @hausofowl. I have so much love for you guys. Thank you. 

@nikkye_music 
@hoelune 
@remy.is.remy 
@jakerfilms 

Not seen here but will pop up here and there as I catch them in action 🤞🏼 hint hint): @laaain_music @eric.thebald 

•
•

And none of this would’ve even been a thang if it weren’t for the Video Podcast Grant Program with @telus @storyhive. Life changing is an understatement. Thank you @made.by.donny & @thereallindakee for encouraging your girl to take the plunge with @sassandsmalltalkpodcast 

•
•

And the energy and gumption to keep me resilient, and in tip top shape to host my own show, and lead my own project - kudos to my girl @mommamillsblog who introduced me to the very #cortisoldrink I needed to amp up. And @caitoaks who also reminds me I got this. My gut and brain thank you both. #bestteamever

And my love, @gjavier5 - I’m doing this not just for me but for us and our little peeps. Thank you for leading the cheering squad and “assisting”
me when I need it most. Hope to make you guys proud. ❤️ 

•
•

Moral of the story, in getting that dang SASS back: 
✨ Take Risks
✨ Get your gut health in check 🥤
✨ Find your peeps 
✨ Tell them how awesome they are

DM me, watch my stories, click on my bio links if you want in on any of this good stuff! 🥤 + 🎙️ + 💰📺

✨Be sure to give a little ❤️ to my 13 year old Smallie who helped me level up with this reel with her magic touch. #ASD #autism #thisishomeschool #homeschooler #mygirl #techgirl #daughter
I’m 1/2 a century, baby. #HappyBirthday to me, i I’m 1/2 a century, baby. #HappyBirthday to me, indeed.
#thisisme

And life just got a little sweeter. 

It’s not some secret recipe, or some overcomplicated skin regimen. 

It’s #faith
Motivation
The want
The humility to accept help
The unconditional love from family
Learning to say no to the wrong, and yes to the right. 

I took a chance on ME a few months ago, and since then, have seen a shift in myself.

I dreaded this #milestonebirthday for the last 10 years. I dreaded ESPECIALLY, being transparent to ANYONE… even my own kids. 

But it dawned on me. 

(With the help of my fellow #hypewoman gals that gave me the gentle nudge to OWN my age, not hide it) @sweetmamalifedaily  @nengineermom @mommamillsblog  @caitoaks  @lilkeez @iamharpsra  @rahannavu @mstiggity

Why hide it? 
What am I scared of? 

I DID IT!

I hit 1/2 a century, I survived 9 brutal pregnancy losses, and held one of them in my arms. I looked death in the eye, and through prayer and community - I came out of it alive and kicking. AND thriving.

It wasn’t my time. I still have work to do here. 

But even with these life altering moments in my life, I STILL:
• made bad health choices
• stretched myself to max capacity
• said YES to things that stifled my growth.
• said NO to hard things that meant growth
• lived in debilitating fear, daily
• allowed my #adhd to paralyze, not enhance my life
• had horrible boundaries… correction… I had no boundaries 

It took 50 years, (3 months ago, to be exact), but I found exactly what I needed: 
• A deeper connection with God
• Gratitude
• A go-to, easy #cortisol #drink that balances out those darn hormones, and targets my #Mentalwellness #HJ 
• Forgiveness and freedom from past hurts 
• An awesome studio to do my craft @haus.of.owl
• A killer program that funds said craft @Telus @storyhive 
• A loving approach #wifey, #specialneeds Mama & #caregiver Daughter
• Self Compassion
• And the GUMPTION to follow (FIX) my Gut. 

Thank you to those who remembered when I chose to forget, that turning 50 is a blessing, not a curse. 

DM me or comment 50 if you want in on this big secret.
✨ I N S I D E * O U T ✨ :: If you wanna see ho ✨ I N S I D E * O U T ✨ :: If you wanna see how HAPPY J blend has made a difference for me, and coincidentally - the family - take a look at our Behind the scenes of this year’s Inside Out FAM-O-WEEN —an honest, messy, and very real snapshot of our year. 2024 was a DOOZY. 

From frustration, to resistance, to acceptance, to finding Joy again (with a DAILY DOSE of HAPPY J and a whoooooole lotta Jesus) - each character felt like a reflection of this year’s whirlwind of emotions. It’s been a time of big decisions, finding our footing, embracing transitions, more sleepless nights,  a diagnosis we’ve been waiting a decade for, falls, accidents, sickness - the whole shebang of emotions. 

And then #anxiety reared its ugly head.  In full force. 

But, alongside family and close friends, Faith, and some yummy sips of a healthy supplement, carried us through. 

In a year that stretched us to our limits, this shoot felt like the perfect way to honour all the “inside out” moments we’ve faced. So here’s to the messy, the joyful, and even the challenging times that shape who we are. From deep #burnout and anxiety to discovering our faith and mental wellness, I’m stepping into the next chapter with a full heart and maybe a few more laughs (even if I’m a year older 😉).

Here’s to growth, gratitude, and whatever’s next. #FamOWeen2024 #InsideOutLife #EmotionalYear #insideout #FindingJoy #Milestonebirthday
#NewChapter #amare #happyblend #hj #happyjuice

Music - AndreaDatzman, 
BENJIxScarlett, TheeOnlyJanessahhh
E M O T I O N S :: #HAPPYHALLOWEEN #FAMOWEEN editi E M O T I O N S :: #HAPPYHALLOWEEN #FAMOWEEN edition! 

2024 has been quite the year of change for us all. Emotions have been all over the map!
• #Caregiving has been amped up with unexpected falls and hospital stays 
• Our little not so little teen is on her last year of Middle school #homeschool version - not so easy but hey, surviving. #Disgust
• Our little guy cut his once curly locks and became a little man overnight - no tears except a very #sad dad who suffered from FOMO #Anger
• George also cut his hair that was once down to his waist. He was ready to let go of the weight of the world literally on his shoulders.
• I got selected for a wonderful @TELUS @Storyhive project to do a broadcast version of my #podcast and got my Juju back #happytears
• and yes… I found the perfect match for me to deal with my very neglected #guthealth, and yes… it’s a Gamechanger that has been behind the true shift in my mental health, productivity, and my road to a better me. Hence, “Happy” #Joy. #happyjuice

All these emotions check out. #insideOut we have thrived and survived. 

Happy Halloween!
S N E A K * P E E K :: I’m so excited to share a S N E A K * P E E K :: I’m so excited to share a little sneak peek of @theoutpostboardgamecafe, our good friend’s soon-to-be-opened #boardgame café, right here in the #Westshore 🎲🎲. The ONLY ONE of its kind in THIS part of town!! 🎉🎉We’ve ALL been waiting for this… 

Mamas… I’m looking at you… 👀

✨
✨ 

It’s been amazing watching this space come together - already such a fun vibe and a cozy spot to hang out, play some games, and connect with friends. And I already got my #gameschool curriculum ready to go for my #homeschooler (and her game lovin’ mama-teacher 🙋🏻‍♀️) to enjoy. And of course date nights with my guy and girls night with my ladies!! 

✨
✨

They’re getting so close to opening, and I can’t wait for everyone to experience it in person!! 

✨
✨

Be sure to SHARE THIS POST AND SPREAD THE WORD - #Grandopening is Nov 1st!! 🎗️✂️ Stay tuned for more updates—it’s going to be a game-changer! 😉 

#TheOutpostCafe #supportlocal #supportsmallbusiness #supportlocalbusiness #YYJ #vancouverisland #Victoria #langford #boredombuster #family
F E A R L E S S :: Becoming a mom changed me, and F E A R L E S S :: Becoming a mom changed me, and along the way, my confidence started to slip. The bold, carefree version of me was replaced by someone who worried about the little things—like making a simple left turn onto a highway (with nothing but a stop sign and a prayer).

For years, I avoided that turn. I’d ask trusted adults to drive my kid for these once a year field trips, while I anxiously waited for updates. Sometimes, if I couldn’t arrange a ride, I’d keep her home. No amount of spawning salmon is worth my sanity.

It sounds trivial to the average person, but that turn felt like a mountain I couldn’t climb - for 12 years!!! A really winding, single lane, high speed, intolerant and unforgiving mountain to climb.

✨✨✨✨✨

Enter my Happy Blend Morning supplement.

After a few weeks of working on my gut health and balancing hormones, including cortisol, I feel lighter—mentally and emotionally. The anxiety that used to grip me just… doesn’t anymore.

Something in me felt COMPELLED to make that turn. It was my actual, nurtured, gut telling me to not take the backroad out (which is 3 times the distance), and it felt like freedom. 

I’ve learned it’s not just about turning left on a highway; it’s about letting go of fear and no longer caring what others think. My people-pleasing feature was activated as I approached the turn - worrying about the driver behind me, but now, I prioritize what’s best for me and my loved ones. And what’s best for my loved ones is that they get the chance to enjoy an educational experience, without my anxious brain standing in the way.

I am mentally clear, more logical, and becoming resilient where stress once controlled me. I’m ME again, free from imbalanced hormones, and the fear of inconveniencing others.

If this resonates with you, drop “FEARLESS” in the comments, and I’ll share what I’ve been using to get here. You’re not alone. #MomLife
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