The Impact of Social Distancing on Mom’s Mental Health and How to Alleviate Anxiety

^{_{I’ve never really considered myself to be an anxious person. High strung maybe? With a dash of crazy? Yes. But someone with anxiety. Not really.}}

Ask me the same question now, however… and my answer would be a resounding YES. INDEED. I have never felt such anxiety in my entire three four decades of life. I think the whole idea of being worried about my kids, coupled with worries about myself and my husband, all of which is completely overshadowed by my worries about my aging parents – is the perfect recipe to developing anxiety. Worry has become my new go-to emotion and I, along with billions of other people in my position just can’t seem to shake it. This whole global pandemic and a strong recommendation to follow the simple rules of social distancing – has introduced a plethora of mental health concerns – and we need to just take a break from the hysteria and talk about it. Goodness knows we have a chance to now that we’re forced to literally stop what we’re doing, lay low and think things through.

Being a mom has given me the fundamental head start in regards to safety and good health/hygiene practice. Not just for stay-at-home moms, but for work-at-home moms, and work out-of-home moms. Moms (and dads) in general, just have this intrinsic ability to mama (papa) bear their cubs and their aging parents and even if it takes all their might and soul to keep their loved ones safe, they will do it. As caregivers, we have this innate ability to set aside our own levels of anxiety to protect our loved ones. But at the end of the day (and hell, throughout the day in between Mama Bear moments) – those feelings of anxiety and worry completely take over. What to do about them?

Deflect.

Deflect deflect deflect.

I’m not saying to ignore them. And I’m definitely not saying to ignore clinical anxiety – please DO take the advice given to you by your medical professionals.  But alongside the obvious, there are ways to ease some of the understandable anxiety that have successfully reared its ugly head these past few weeks. Here is a list of what has worked for me, and fellow mamas across the globe.

TALK ABOUT IT

I have never been one to be at a loss for words, but other than the usual “OMG I can’t believe this is happening” and “Gasp” and “Ugh”, that’s been filling all crevices of our home, it took a little time before we decided to actually sit down and chat about it. Talking to my husband, or face-timing my best friend, or calling my mom (who happens to live only mere steps away from me, but I’m doing my civic duty of keeping her safe at arm’s length, much to my chagrin) – have all been very helpful and healing. Bouncing ideas off each other instead of coming up with my own scenarios in my head – is not only productive, but healthy. Between laughing at silly memes, or crying over realistic concerns, letting it out has been the best medicine for myself, other moms (including my own), and my spouse. The open dialogue is necessary to ward off some of those anxiety ridden scenarios in my head that creeps up later in my dreams. The key is to Let. It. out.

TAKE A BREAK FROM THE NEWS

I don’t have anything against keeping informed, it would be irresponsible not to be. But after one hour of listening to the same incoming, and dare I mention, depressing facts, isn’t it time to take a break? Limit your viewing based on what you or what your family can handle, and stick to it. We all know what is happening around the world. You don’t need the news to be on repeat. Now it’s time to take a break from it because sitting there, soaking it all in, and worrying ourselves into a frenzy isn’t going to change anything. Now is the time to do something about it. And guess what that something is? STAYING HOME.

Apparently, news on repeat is how my parents roll, and I am finding that their levels of worry and anxiety is sky rocketing. I’ve since hooked them up with their go-to Asian Dramas for a healthy escape, and I’m happy to report, they’re happily immersed.

We don’t have much control over the situation, but we do have control over how we allow our knowledge of what’s happening around us to consume us. We have control over our televisions/radios/web surfing. We can make the decision to stop well before the news takes over our everyday language, behavior, and overall mental health. The news is necessary – but trust that after hearing the same things repeated over and over in a single day, your brain and your heavy heart need a break. Believe me – any incoming news will be reiterated and find its way to you in about a million other ways. From a quick post on facebook, to a trend on twitter, to your parents who are quite well-versed on all that is covered on CNN – you will not be left in the dark. So give yourself a set amount of time to watch, get your fix, and turn it off. Don’t worry – it will still be there tomorrow.

GO FOR A WALK IN A SECLUDED PLACE CLOSE TO HOME (and far from playgrounds)

I know there is still some debate over leaving the safety of your home at all. I challenge this warning, as there is nothing wrong with getting a healthy daily dose of Vitamin D – preferably multiple times a day. Physically, and mentally – it could completely make or break your day. I believe that the rules of social distancing can and will be followed so long as your family or solo walk is at a safe 6ft+ distance from others, and your destination is well below crowd standards. We have managed to find a place and time where a nice walk/scooter/bike session can happen, where safety and good health is top of mind.

 PICK UP A BOOK

A book? What in the world is that? That is, a book that isn’t Robert Munsch, Kid’s National Geographic, or Dr. Seuss (we love them all by the way). You don’t even know how excited I am to finally open up a book for MY enjoyment. I have about three sitting on my night stand, collecting dust, waiting for me to break the crease. I can actually hear the beautiful sound of that book crease tearing.

For the golden oldies like myself, who would rather rest their eyes while absorbing information, Audible is the next best thing. I have a wonderful roster of books that I’ve saved for my long walks with the baby. Lately, however, they’ve been replaced by podcasts and self improvement Ted Talks. I see you, Mel Robbins… and I hear you Brene Brown. But right now, I’m feeling like a nice escape into a fictional world is just what the doctor ordered. And this day and age, listening to the doctor is the ONLY way to go.

Most of us are new at the homeschooling situation, and modelling good practice like reading – is a great way to teach our kids the power of a good book and the skill of reading. I’ve come to realize that I’ve been so busy “teaching” my kiddo to read her books, that I forgot that the best lesson of all is showing her how great of a skill it is as an adult. So pick up that book, and when you least expect it, your little ones will be picking theirs up too.

Be sure to take advantage of Audible’s free streaming for kids while schools are closed. It’s a great way to get them engaged and while keeping their minds active and imaginative.

START THAT ONLINE JOURNAL YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO START

Or offline. Journalling is a healing tool and my friend – it works. Taking the simple concept that transferring what is on your mind on to paper, is so profound, and yet severely under-utilized. If you aren’t a fan of handwriting and are more of a typer/texter, starting a little journal folder on your computer with daily entries, or a note app on your phone (may I suggest “The Five Minute Journal”) are just as effective, and easier on your hands.

Remember, there are no rules to journalling your thoughts. This is your journal, and it’s not supposed to be an added pressure to your life. It doesn’t have to be everyday. Write what you want, and when you’re compelled to. But it wouldn’t hurt to set a time and space to do this. I like doing it either at the top of my day while sipping happily on my coffee (and my toddler is conveniently strapped to his high chair), or at the end of the day when my brain is relaxed enough to unwind. I write in a small book called “Mom’s One Line a Day: A Five-Year Memory Book“. Truth be told, it’s actually 5 lines. Less pressure, and a nice pretty package. That’s my kind of diary.

BRAIN DUMP

Got a ton of creative ideas? Or big bucket list plans but just can’t organize it in your brain? Grab yourself a notebook and start a makeshift bullet journal and dump those ideas on paper. It is cathartic to be able to transfer some of those big brain ideas on to something tangible. I like to think it’s similar to taking that mixed bag of nuts (your thoughts) and placing them nice and neatly in separate containers (on paper).  

Sometimes a brain dump on paper isn’t as pretty as writing lists or creating mind maps (or what my kiddos like to call spider bubbles). I may be talking about creative ideas and future business ventures. But sometimes you just have to stay true to the term – BRAIN. DUMP. Dump all your ideas on to paper. Your worries, your fears, what you want to do about it. However it comes to you, dump it. And then sort it out and organize your thoughts and plans later. Just get it out of your brain.

NETFLIX/PRIME TV/DISNEY + BINGE

Binge is often seen as such a negative concept. But when Netflix/Prime TV was introduced with the availability of entire seasons for easy accessibility – this beautiful concept of binge watching was born. Like reading, there is a natural inclination to get swept away into the abyss of fictional storytelling. And what better time to do that, than the present. I highly recommend choosing a selected movie/series that the whole family can enjoy to fill up some of those “free” hours you have during the day. And for those closet Rom-com international movie lovers out there, add those to your watch list for the evening after the kiddos are fast asleep. You deserve it mama… So binge away!

GO FOR A DRIVE (And stay in the car)

Again – this is a topic of sensitivity as once again, it’s technically not staying home. And the drastic decrease of smog in our current world as a whole, is absolutely mind blowing. So I’m not going to strongly encourage it as a regular thing. But if you are so compelled to get out of your house, need a quick fix, and your kids are jonesing for a short adventure – I don’t think it would do much harm to drive to a fun crowd-free spot, overlooking that gorgeous, smog-free city of yours, and having some quality time with your little passengers. 

GET DIGITAL AND CONNECT

We are SO lucky to live in a time that connecting with our loved ones is as easy as a push of a button. No one has to guess how we’re doing and where we’re at, because at any given moment and with one simple click, we are connected. To our loved ones, our teachers, our coworkers, even our best friend’s dogs. We have an opportunity to play games (board games, digi games, or otherwise) virtually, watch movies together, enjoy a glass of wine, continue our moms night out, even have a birthday celebration with a bunch of your close cousins – all on one beautiful app that makes it super easy for us. Jump on this opportunity, because at this point, there isn’t much choice.

Let your kids connect safely with their friends. My husband and I are still on the fence about allowing our little one to have her own kid’s messenger account – but we see the benefits of getting her involved in good old fashioned one-on-one conversation with her peers. Heck, you can even have virtual playdates on the backyard trampoline and get that blood flowing again. Goodness knows, at the end of this she will be all adulted-out. And toddler sibling’ed out as well. We’re also looking at this online interaction with her peers as good practice for writing and reading. Shhh…. don’t tell her about my hidden agenda. 

EAT THAT TREAT AND INDULGE… Within Reason

This can get tricky because it’s easy to fall into the trap of emotional eating – and believe me – as a past emotional eating addict, there’s never a time for me to encourage that. However, there is nothing wrong with finding comfort in certain meals or snacks, and yes, treats. It was my daughter’s birthday just at the beginning of the social distancing recommendation in our country – and I felt absolutely no guilt in enjoying a couple pieces of strawberry short cake. The birthday girl’s favorite, as well as mine. It gave us as a family – pure joy to eat and be together while partaking. We not only indulge in the overwhelmingly delicious taste, but in the entire experience. Guilt free. Pure goodness.

But all things in moderation…

Every night since we’ve been on lockdown – I’ve been allowing myself to have my go-to snacks. But before I go for the second or third round, I stop and think about how hard I worked to get here (6 months of mindful eating). And I walk away proud that I acknowledged my own hard work, and that I didn’t let my emotions eat away at all my progress.

Now if indulging on a pair of edible baby cheeks counts, then we are all in!

KNOW THAT THIS IS TEMPORARY

It’s easy to think that this is a forever thing because we keep hearing the word “indefinite” or “until further notice”, and other than following the patterns and global odometers, we really don’t know what’s going to happen in the foreseeable future. But just as much, I have heard the word, temporary. As long as we keep doing our part and encouraging our community to do the same – adhering to the rules of social distancing, exercising good hand hygiene, and listening to the recommendations of the professionals – there is a way to flatten the curve and put an end to this madness. There is an end to this. We just have to trust that it will happen sooner rather than later.

Meanwhile, in this opportune moment, why not stop and look at ourselves and our homes objectively. What can we do to improve how we run our household. How we think. How we teach. Who we surround ourselves with. How we make the best use of our time. How we invest our emotions. It’s like a mental purge – a clean slate – an opportunity to start fresh.

And by allowing ourselves to just make the best of our situation in our own homes with our own family, we are inadvertently saying to ourselves that we are valuing this time together, because soon enough – we will be back to everyday life. No doubt, life, as we know it going forward, will forever be changed.

DON’T FORGET BASIC HYGIENE

I know it’s easy to forget to brush your hair, change out of your comfy pjs, and resort to a quick swish and spit – because let’s face it, why waste time, energy, and resources if we’re not going to see anyone outside the house? But the truth is, we have to show up for OURSELVES… and our families. And a good way to do that, is to at the very least – appear like we value our own sense of “put together-ness”. Yes, on paper, it doesn’t seem logical, or even practical, but it’s a known fact, that taking that extra 5 – 10 minutes in the morning to set yourself up for a good day, will inevitably lead to a good day. At least at the onset. There’s nothing better than knowing you at least look the part of a mom boss, even though you don’t exactly feel like one. Remember – there’s nothing wrong with faking it ’til you make it. Once in awhile anyway…

EAT HEALTHY (Or at Least Try)

Since our days at the gym or barre class have come to an abrupt end, and turning on a workout video in my living room with two very active and anti-anything-mom-would-enjoy-watching-on-tv kids in close proximity – exercise is pretty much a no-go. At least in the traditional sense of gym memberships and pilates classes. It’s important to not let all your hard work of maintaining a healthy lifestyle fall by the wayside. And if being concerned about your health and lifestyle wasn’t a top item on your priority list, perhaps this is the time to start. Keeping our immunity in its optimal state is so important for not only our physical health and to ward off any unwanted viruses, but also for our mental health. At the very least, by increasing our vitamin D to make up for spending most of our days indoors, and upping our Vitamin C to keep our immunity in tip top shape, we are doing what we can to protect ourselves and our family. Don’t get me wrong – I spent a few of the first few days indulging in some vices I dare not speak of (as it will bring back some of those cravings by the mere mention of it – ahem… chips) – but keeping our physical health in check is a wonderful (and often dismissed) way of keeping our anxiety to a minimum.

I know it’s difficult to opt for fresh and whole foods at this time as we are trying to keep our shopping days down to a minimum, and money for luxury food items may not be as available this next little while, so give yourself grace and acknowledge that this is all temporary. If the option to be healthy is there, give it a whirl. But again – at this point, we can only do the best we can.

START THAT CREATIVE PROJECT AND BE OKAY WITH THE MESS

Remember what I said about believing this is all temporary? Well – that means we have a small opportunity to get started with that creative project you’ve been dying to get into. For me, it’s writing that song I’ve been postponing for… 9 years. Goodness knows I have a ton of material to work with – now it’s just a matter of getting it down on paper and played on the keyboard. Another creative project is picking up a new hobby. Learning how to knit. Starting that blog. Starting that book you’ve been talking about writing for years. And like anything else – starting something new is going to be messy. Don’t worry mama, you’ll get to cleaning it up in no time. Once you just start, the momentum will come naturally and before you know it, you’ll be nose deep in new ideas and ready to tell the world (or your partner) all about it. Just stop thinking about it – and get on it!

BRING MUSIC INTO THE HOME

Whether you listen to music or play, bring it back into the home. Silence is a lovely thing too – but sometimes music can transcend us. Whether you’re tackling a new instrument, or dusting off the piano keys from your concert piano days, or simply turning on Spotify to let someone else perform the magic for you – music is a great way to tune out some of those inevitable mood and mind busters. CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF – BE INTROSPECTIVE AND LISTEN

I was just telling a friend about how this whole thing will make it very clear who are innately introverted and who are extroverted. To my surprise, I have come to realize that I could very well be an introvert trapped in an extrovert’s body. I am typically a colorful and loud person and it is no secret that I love connection, but I’ve come to the shocking revelation that I don’t actually thrive solely on <in-person> connection. Not as much as I thought I did anyway. I am happy to write long, epic letters, novella texts, and even chat on the phone (while looking nervously at the time passing by) – but I realized that I’m not in a huge rush to be around big groups of people. It doesn’t appeal to me as much as it used to. I’m sure this, like everything else, is variable and could very well be just a phase – but I do realize ever since becoming a parent, my outlook on life and need for ongoing connection has changed. It’s been even more apparent now,  given the current circumstances of being forced into seclusion with my family at home – I have never felt so… myself. I realized what truly brings me joy isn’t all the extraneous noise that I invite in, or exude out to others. It’s the quiet and comfort of being safe at home with my tiny little crew. I am finding myself blissfully living out the mantra “there’s no place like home”.

PRAY/MEDITATE

I consider our little family of four a devout Catholic family. We attend mass, participate in faith-based community gatherings, and follow the readings of the church. Because of the state of our world right now – we are not given the opportunity to do much of these things (although, online masses, is kind of a neat and progressive way to make things happen). But the one thing we have ongoing access to is prayer and meditation. I’m not one to force my faith on anyone, but I do urge you, to take this moment to reflect, pray if your faith inspires you to do so, and seek refuge in your own level of reflection and meditation. Other than adhering to social distancing and basic hand hygiene, we don’t have much control over the situation at hand. So digging into your own belief systems to get you through the day to day is a beautiful way to do so. It’s free, it’s open ended, and it can only do your mind some good. And we all need a good dose of “good”. Find your higher power, surrender, and trust we will all get through this.

These are all the little shifts in mindset that I’ve been able to implement as a mom in light of what’s happening in the world today. It’s important to know what works best for you and where your level of anxiety rests. I’m finding that taking little bits and pieces of ideas from other mamas is also an effective way to ease some of that anxiety that’s been creeping up into my everyday. Know that you are not alone, and we’re all in this together. Separated. Isolated from one another. But together.

What are some ways you have been able to alleviate some of the understandable worries and anxiety that have come with the current state of the world?

Mama…you may feel alone, but you’re not.