Our Rainbow Baby Birth Story

So this happened…  

On Saturday morning, June 2nd 2018 at 10:29AM, our beautiful, healthy, miracle of miracles finally came into this world to join our family. Today, on his actual due date – I am very excited to share with you our Little Man – and his rainbow baby birth story. (Sidenote: In case you have never heard of the term “rainbow baby”, it’s a baby following pregnancy loss)

**OUR RAINBOW BABY BIRTH STORY**

Throughout my 9 months of pregnancy, I was closely monitored. Based on my history and my age (eeps), and the fact that my little-tenant-in-utero was quickly moving into breech position and back, the decision was quickly made to come in to the hospital at 38 weeks to be induced. After walking laps around the Labour and Delivery unit, the contractions were not getting anywhere. I actually had the audacity to think I was superwoman repeating to myself, “wow, this is easy”. Don’t worry – my overconfidence shifted shortly thereafter. Stay tuned…

I wasn’t alone… my dear friend, Jenn, who has quickly become family since selflessly offering to donate her eggs to George and I, spent every moment with me from the second I was admitted. She even prettied up my toe nails. Sidenote: Always come prepared with manicured toes, unless you’re lucky enough to have a Jenn by your side…

The wait for the “real” contractions was rather… entertaining. We thought for certain, our long awaited little guy was going to be sticking to his guns and staying put until his due date. But we persisted. Godmom-to-be, Jenn, provided comic relief while George caught up on some zzz’s while he could. 

After a good night’s sleep (who has a good night’s sleep on oxytocin? Apparently, the self-proclaimed superwoman?), we woke up to the strong contractions kicking in.

BIG. TIME.

Sister… contractions are NO. JOKE. 

Ladies and gentlemen – Superwoman, has left the building.

Shortly before this moment, Jenn and I discussed how we were adamant about experiencing as much of the labouring as we could before… well… we no longer could. I can say that without a doubt, it was quite the experience. Painful, intense, incredible. I knew that at the end of this temporary sequence of painful contractions – I will meet the little man I have been spending the last 5 years waiting for. 

And then within minutes, I measured from 5cm to 10 cm, and just like that… he arrived. Alive and healthy, my darling rainbow baby boy came into this world and was placed right into my arms. 

It was the most beautiful moment in my life – right up there with meeting his big sister for the first time, and marrying their daddy. 

Born with daddy‘s full head of hair and furrowed brow, big sis’ strong vocal chords, and mommy’s night owl tendencies, I now have my precious son. The perfect and most incredible addition to our family.

What was even more incredible, was how George and I chose to share this moment with the one amazing human being who helped make this happen in the first place.

My Jenn.

With every push, and with every tear shed throughout this pregnancy right into labour – I was reminded of how we got here in the first place. Jenn gave a piece of herself to George and I so that we would have our dream fulfilled of a living, breathing baby in our arms and in our lives. I couldn’t have imagined labouring without her by our side – like she was 10 months ago, when she came with me to my very first ultrasound appointment confirming we were indeed pregnant.

She was there for all our firsts with our little man, even for his first (kinda) latch. 

My rainbow baby birth story doesn’t end here, however. 

It was not your everyday post-delivery situation. Unfortunately, it wasn’t what I would have expected or hoped for. I only held my little man for a few moments before I sleepily passed him over to George telling him that I felt like I was going to drop him. Minutes after what seemed to be a relatively seamless delivery, due to what appeared to be a “sticky placenta” that needed to be manually removed (ouch!!), I began hemorrhaging. After over 3 litres of blood loss, my blood pressure and hemoglobin levels fell to dangerously low levels and I was rushed to the OR. They were able to remove the remnants of torn placenta, however, my levels were still very alarming. I remember, prior to being wheeled out of labour and delivery, looking at George nervously holding our son, and thinking “Am I going to see my family again? Is this it? Am I dying? What about my little girl?” 

And then I prayed.

Whatever energy I had left to stay awake that moment, I spent it begging God for another chance at life. All I could think about, was how my dreams of giving my little girl her long-awaited sibling after years of loss, and giving George his son after losing two were fulfilled. But with this, my children would lose their mommy, and George would be left on his own to care for them. 

It was rather ironic how smooth everything went for the last 9 months right up until delivery, and how quickly things turned, mere moments to follow. While I was in recovery, the nurses and specialists were wracking their brains trying to figure out what was happening to me. For what seemed to be forever, I was kept in a flat position, unable to move until they had my levels stabilized. Once we got to a point where it was safe to move me, I was finally transferred to the Antepartem unit where I was reunited with my very worried husband and my brand new son who needed his mommy. It broke my heart that George was left to care for him without any certainty of the outcome of my situation. But we were ready to put that terrifying and temporary moment behind us and more than ready to move on. 

For the week to follow, still making ourselves at home in our private room at the hospital, I wasn’t completely out of the woods just yet. Sitting up on the bed, transferring on to the chair, walking to the bathroom – all seemed to be skills I needed to relearn, slowly. Accompanied with intense pain and discomfort.

Due to my low and concerning levels, it was deemed necessary for me to have several blood transfusions and iron infusions to get my numbers and energy up, and inadvertently, helped with my milk supply and breastfeeding – yet, another skill I needed to relearn. 

And good gravy, breastfeeding hasn’t been a smooth ride. It’s been pretty exhausting, especially for the little guy… 

Due to the blood loss, my milk supply wasn’t optimal – which left my little guy jaundiced. On with the bili-blanket for some photo light therapy, following way too many pokes on his tiny little heels. Poor little man. My little rainbow baby birth story didn’t come without its share of glowing dramatics. 

But all those days of healing was essential in order for the biggest and most long-awaited reunion and first meeting to take place. The moment my sweet Little Mama met her baby brother whom she spent the last few months falling in love with in utero. 

This was, and continues to be, my personal paradise. Being able to witness the first meeting of my two children was by far, the most incredible moment of my life as a mom. This little girl has endured so much sadness and disappointment in her young life and it was in this very moment I yearned to make up for all that pain. 

My two little heart healers. 

My rainbow baby birth story wasn’t an easy one, but it certainly was quite the story.

Our story.

Just like that… our family of three has become a family of four, surrounded by our angels of nine, watching over us. Even more incredible, was that our little miracle was born between the anniversaries of our youngest and oldest second trimester losses (Victoria and Charlie). We are over the moon, in love with our new addition and we can’t wait to see this next chapter in our lives unfold as we grow together enjoying our rainbow after the storm. 

Friends, please forgive me if I am not as available as I once was – but I am currently immersing myself in these moments with my family (as well as recovering). What could have ended in tragedy turned out to be the biggest epiphany for me as a mom and as a wife. I have a new perspective on life and all that truly matters – my children, my home, my husband, life in general. I will never take these things for granted, as at any given point they can be taken away – just like that.

Our rainbow baby birth story continues, as we move through our years of grief, knowing that it is still a part of our very core. However, we are now welcoming these intense moments of joy with open arms, open eyes, and open hearts.

Here’s our rainbow baby birth story so beautifully captured in 8 minutes thanks to the talents of Shea at Coastal Lifestyles Photography. Please watch and share our story with others who may be struggling with growing their family. There IS hope.

Our beautiful, healthy, miracle of miracles is here.

My darling baby boy.

 With so much love, joy, gratitude and rainbows,  

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**Post-delivery photography, beautifully captured by Coastal Lifestyles Photography. Please follow Shea on Facebook and Instagram. We are so grateful for your talent and ability to share the most intimate moments of our family’s story and especially our rainbow baby birth story. 

**Our deepest gratitude to the entire medical team of nurses, physicians, and specialists at VGH, particularly in Labour and Delivery, OR and Recovery, Antepartem, Mother and Babe, and CFAU for taking such initiative in mine and our Little Man’s care and recovery. We are beyond blessed to have met each and everyone of you. We felt your love and kindness throughout our stay post partem and the days/months leading up to delivery day. Thank you for helping us live out the happiest of endings (and beginnings) to our rainbow baby birth story.