Shortly after we publicly announced that we were having a baby, and that the baby was indeed a boy – we were flooded with congratulations, emotional outbursts of love and relief, teary embraces, and blessings from all directions. Understandably, there were less than a handful of resistant head tilts – asking about the logistics of how/what/why we chose to share with the world, the process of having an egg donor. All these reactions, questions, and outbursts – were to be expected. Most of them moved me to the core, while a small few, hurt to no end.
But what remained constant, was the love, respect, and indescribable gratitude we have for our dear friend, our egg donor, our hero, Jen.
Today is her birthday and I wanted to shout from the rooftops – not just how incredible this woman is as far as we are concerned, but who she is and why she is who she is. I wanted to share with the world that in regards to who we had as our egg donor and coincidentally our friend-turned-family – we didn’t have to make a choice, the choice was made for us.
At the risk of going off on a tangent, let me tell you a little bit about what this girl did for our family, and you can decide if we were crazy to open our hearts to an opportunity literally handed to us on a golden platter.
First and foremost, Jen is a mom. To many. She experienced her share of recurrent loss throughout her young life of building her family with her wonderful partner and husband Craig, and her ongoing hope to conceive even to this day continues. She has endured more heartbreak due to infertility and loss before the age of 30 than anyone I have known. Repeatedly.
But like us – she wasn’t about to give up. And that persistence, determination, and resilience led her to her little man.
After having her beautiful son, she took it upon herself to approach me, fully loaded with information about how she would be a perfect egg donor for our family. I wasn’t even looking into donation seriously up until we were at our very last leg of this trying-to-conceive-uphill-battle. We were literally ready to throw in the proverbial fertility towel and with all the hesitancy we could muster, we were moments away from closing this painful chapter in our lives. We were going to stop trying for our second baby.
But then Jen saw through my tears of submission and knew I was still yearning to finish what we had started years prior. She insisted I look further into this possibility. She did her research. She spoke to her doctors at the clinic, had a heart to heart with her husband (he is just as much our angel as she is, being willing to do all he could to help us from the sidelines), and pulled up all of her medical and family history to hand over to me for my peace of mind. It took months and months of thinking about this, praying on it, and getting the professional and medical support we needed. But what we knew is that Jen asked for nothing in return. In her words, she just wanted to “show her son the joy of giving back to another family, after being given the joy of having him”. It still tears me up reading her follow up texts and messages reminding me that all she wanted was for us to achieve our family’s dream of finally having our second living baby to hold in our arms. After so many years of trying and losing, all hope seemed lost.
And then… along came Jen.
Appointment after appointment, early mornings, being poked and prodded, mismatched socks, bloodwork, multiple scans, drowning herself in vitamins… and that was just the first week.
When it was time for the at-home administering of hormone shots, she barely flinched, even though I know from personal experience – these needles are not for the weak of heart. Ouch.
Time to call in the tasty troops.
She would send me nightly photos of her “happily” injecting herself with fertility medication, while adding some comedy to the mix. But I knew better.
This entire process was changing her body, her sleep, her daily routine, her life.
Still… she persisted.
On retrieval day, it was when it truly hit me. My dear friend, wasn’t just taking on the role of our egg donor, she was being the very answer to our family’s prayer.
I didn’t even know how to thank this woman for what her body endured the weeks leading up to this moment. And how could I possibly thank her for what she was about to undergo? A simple bracelet and matching colors to our potential June baby’s birth stone, and a letter of unwavering love and gratitude was not nearly enough. But it was a start.
And waiting for our friend and egg donor as she underwent her procedure so that we could find our joy… was probably one of the most painful moments of this journey.
Following her very successful procedure, I was overcome by emotion seeing someone I loved dearly, experiencing so much discomfort.
So to answer any questions of why we chose to be open, and why we chose to share our story throughout the interwebs – I don’t want to leave any stone unturned. Here is the long-short of it: We chose to do this because up until this point, we have shared our sadness openly and honestly. Whether it was to express ourselves freely, or to share our vulnerability in hopes that the many others around the globe will know they are not alone, or to acknowledge that it’s okay to be open about the realities and struggles of infertility, an all too common topic of stigma and silence – sadness was the very theme of our fertility story.
But after years of sharing our journey with all of you, it was time for some good news. It was time to share our story of hope and friendship. What may be a unique and somewhat confusing story of an egg donor to some, is a story of hope, faith, and love to others. I hope that sharing how our friend and her gift of being our family’s egg donor, leans more towards the latter. My desire is for Jen’s selfless act to never go unnoticed, and to inspire acts of kindness among our communities – in a world where intolerance is the norm.
Miracles do happen, my friends. I should know.
And her name is Jen.
Happy Birthday to our dear friend. My son will always know the undeniable truth behind your selfless act of love, kindness, and generosity. Thank you for teaching our family the irrefutable value of friendship.
Hang on to the good ones and don’t let go,
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*Professional photography credit: Sarah Booth of Sarah Booth Photography – please follow her on Facebook & Instagram!) and Shea of Coastal Lifestyles Photography. Thank you both for capturing the very essence of this beautiful soul we proudly call our friend.
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