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6 ANGELS – I AM A MOTHER OF SEVEN CHILDREN – AN EXPERIENCE OF INFANT AND MULTIPLE PREGNANCY LOSS

October 9, 2015 By Deb B. 23 Comments

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

A year ago this week, I was given the tragic news that my baby Lucy, well into our second trimester – no longer had a heartbeat. My recollections of the precise moment I lost her, is crystal clear – clouded only by the feelings of shock and utmost despair. I was never going to feel the joy of her gentle kicks again. The utter disappointment of not holding her, or having the opportunity to see her sweet, angelic face – like I was given with Billy as his heart stopped beating while in my arms – quickly brought me to a place of darkness that was all too familiar. I knew this place well, losing both Victoria and William around the same time mid way into my pregnancy only a year prior. I recall the fear I felt knowing that I had to face LD, yet again, telling her in the most gentle way possible, that she is no longer going to meet her little sister, and the agony of hearing from friends and acquaintances, “maybe you should stop trying, maybe you’re just not meant to have another baby.” Unlike other moments in my history – this particular experience is not a blur. I remember everything like it just happened a week ago. A year ago today, my sweet baby Lucy was taken from me as I fell into a deep sleep with tears in my eyes. The emptiness that welcomed me moments later, was a rude awakening of what I had just lost. I have absolutely no idea how 365 days has passed since that dreadful day.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

But I am here now. And I’m still going through the motions of grief and loss. Why? Well – you never really stop grieving your baby. In time, it just evolves and transforms into anger, anguish, a deeper sense of emptiness, and eventually sorrow. Sorrow and sadness play-a-tug of war with peace, and soon enough, peace wins. But sadness never leaves.

So, today… I am sad.

But through my tears, I can smile, because in the midst of sadness a very tiny human of 4.5 years, has taught me to do so.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

I know with my Little Mama, I have a blessing that outweighs the losses. With every giggle, I heal just a little more. With every conversation (mainly, about Jessie from Toy Story and how darn cool she is), I cry just a little less. With every story we read together (and boy, do we read our share of stories), I have the uncanny ability to escape reality. And with every milestone she experiences, I share an abundance of joy.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

But, today… I am hurting.

I have been off my game for the last few months. I am not as present as I used to be or would have hoped to be. I’m 1000% present for my daughter and my husband (at least, they tell me I am), but I’m about 30% present for myself. The priority of maintaining any sense of balance has been wavered. My home is in shambles for the most part, my work has suffered (which explains the lack of posts, and dare I say it – even an outfit-of-the-day won’t fix this), and keeping up with friendships has also been put on the back burner. I am almost certain it’s the grief or at the very least, the insurmountable guilt. The guilt of knowing that once again – I could not bring into the world yet another child, just this past summer.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

His name is Charlie. And he was perfect.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

My most recent pregnancy with Charlie was filled with hope. However, my maternal instincts were off – as they have been, for 5 of my 6 pregnancies. I knew in my heart of hearts that this little boy was going to thrive. We prayed, we laughed, we ate well, we came together as a family and made sure that we were going to collectively ensure that Charlie was going to be with us, come December 16, 2015.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

But similar to my experience with Lucy, on that dreadful day of a routine scan, Charlie was no longer with us. Surrounded by edema, my dear son’s little heart could no longer beat and just like that – he was gone.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

As much as I have experienced loss from Victoria, to William, to Lucy – all mysteriously at the halfway point of our pregnancy, to our early miscarriage in January at 10 weeks, and now Charlie at the beginning of our second trimester – this was the moment where I hit my breaking point. I am not ashamed to say that I made all attempts in the last couple of years, to move through my grief as quickly as possible by replacing it with a new pregnancy – because whether this was intentional or not, it is what actually happened… However, this time – I felt like I had hit a wall in our attempts. Was God trying to tell me something? Is this what I’m destined to experience? Have I become that woman that just loses babies?

It’s been 1 year since losing Lucy, over 2 years since losing Victoria and William, less than a year losing our sweet baby who was too young for us to determine their gender, and only 4 months since losing our darling Charlie – and I feel broken. And only after all these losses, have I come to terms with the fact that I also lost what could have been Little Mama‘s twin 4.5 years ago. Had she survived, I probably would not have known the extent of pain and loss that I am so well versed in today. We would have most likely stopped our attempts there, and would have been one of the many successful stories of pregnancy that knew nothing of sub fertility. And that realization has broken my heart into a million pieces.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

But I am still here. I am still able to read books with my Little Mama, laugh at her silly antics, make her meals so she can fill her sweet little belly, bring her to school so she can play with her friends, and of course help her get dressed in the morning (because when that day comes she no longer needs my assistance in the fashion department – you know that will also be a challenging day for mommy…). But in all seriousness, I have not fully moved on with my grief as it has only been a few months since my most recent experience of loss – but I have chosen to move with my grief (a beautiful take on surviving grief without ever really moving away from it – from a very wise friend who has gone through loss himself).

Part of moving on was finding the strength to say goodbye to our little Charlie just this past week, as we held a memorial prayer service in his honor, officiated by our priest that knows us and our losses all too well.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

Little Mama brought a dose of sunshine as she embraced her little brother with tenderness and big sisterly love.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

The next day, I was inspired to do something a little different from all the other times. I believe my sweet Lucy whose life I honor in particular today, and the decision to no longer replace my grief with an immediate pregnancy, after losing Charlie this past summer – gave me the strength. I chose to move their spirit houses off our fireplace mantel to their new home at the highest point of the cemetery where a beautiful and lush garden resides. This space is specifically reserved for the the most innocent of souls.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

I was ready to let them be free.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

A place we can visit as often as we need to find solace and comfort in knowing we are a family with 6 more children, never forgotten.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

At home, I now place this beautiful tribute to my 6 children who I have lost but continue to love.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

And this sweet little set of twins will also stay on our mantel to remind us that LD never walks alone as her little womb-mate will always be right by her side.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

I found it especially comforting (and remarkably fitting) to see that one of our sweet babies has a pair of delicate wings.

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

Now that my 5 other babies who we have loved and lost are in their new home at the cemetery gardens now, I decided to take one last photo before leaving the grounds. To my joy and amazement, this photo gave me the comfort and peace knowing that Lucy and all my children knew of my love. There was a beautiful glow that shone on Lucy‘s spirit house one year to the day we lost her. It was like she was telling me – “thank you for honoring me today, mommy. I hear you, and I know you love me. And I love you too. We all do.”

6 Angels - I am a Mother of 7 Children :: Grieving & Surviving Recurrent and Late Pregnancy Loss - A Mother's Story www.BABYSTYLISTA.com

Grief will always be with me because the babies I have lost, will always be a part of my very being.

I AM a mother of 7 children…  

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Filed Under: our fertility journey, Sass & Smalls gets real Tagged With: Baby, death, infant, infant loss, loss, miscarriage, pregnancy, pregnancy loss awareness, stillbirth

About Deb B.

Deb Balino is the voice behind Sass & Smalls, host of the newly launched Podcast - Sass & Small Talk, and a mom of two - an artistic and quirky 11-year-old, and an outspoken, homewrecking, retro music loving, 4-year-old. A décor and style enthusiast, as well as a home systems hack creator, with a mildly concerning obsession of all things "bin-worthy", Deb enjoys sharing products, experiences, progressive ideas, and simple shifts in mindset that has helped her family navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting. Deb is also a homeschool teacher, partially by choice, partially pandemic-inspired, while advocating and caring for her parents as an active member of the Sandwich Generation. With vulnerability, and a dash of humour - she shares the reality of her world, all while keeping things as sassy as they once were before the drool, meltdowns, and potty mishaps entered the picture.

Her creative ideas, lengthy storytelling, and everyday musings have been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Style, BBC News, and YMC.CA

Comments

  1. Jessica says

    October 9, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    My heart aches for you and your losses and I only wish that no woman has to ever experience this pain. I send you much strength and love xoxo
    Jessica recently posted…10 Things That Will Happen Once You Become A Parent #funnyMy Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:22 am

      Thank you so much Jessica. Your support means so much and I know it comes from a place of understanding and familiarity. You’re a love. Thank you!
      Reply
  2. Olivia says

    October 9, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    I have no words, Debbie. You are quite possibly the bravest, strongest woman I know. No bond is as great as that between a mama and child. May the love of friends and family carry all of you through your grief.
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:24 am

      Thank you sweet Olivia. It’s so true that this bond is unbreakable, which is probably why a loss can really break a woman’s spirit. But yes – the love of friends, family, and even strangers really helps with the rebuilding of hope again. Thank you for sending love!
      Reply
  3. Crystal says

    October 9, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    I am bawling here, oh my D, I just don’t even know what to say. I knew part of your story but not it all and I am left speechless. I went through one missed miscarriage and it was horrible, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But what you have had to endure, I can’t imagine.

    Your so strong and your little girl so beautiful, I love following along with all your pictures on Instagram

    I am glad for you that you have a place to memorialize your babies, somewhere that I am sure brings comfort as well as pain.

    As hard as I am sure it is to share your story, you are not alone and so many women will benefit from you sharing. Sending you all my love and hugs. xo

    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:28 am

      I am so touched by your words. Thank you Crystal. And thank you for sharing your very personal story of loss too. It really is a pain that’s indescribable isn’t? I wouldn’t wish it on anyone either. Thank you for following along on IG. Amidst all this sad stuff – we really do have fun together as a family. And the Spirit Gardens is absolutely the most breathtaking gardens you could ever experience. I’m honoured that our family is part of something so beautiful. It is definitely a place we visit to take in some of that peace we are searching for when we hit milestones like this. Thanks so much for stopping by and sending your love. xx
      Reply
  4. Randa @ TBK says

    October 9, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    Debbie you know how much I love you 🙂 This post is very touching to me, as you know, and I feel your heart ache and your strength.

    You are an exceptional mother to all of your 7 children.
    Randa @ TBK recently posted…5 Dinosaur Party Games and Activities Guests Will DigMy Profile

    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:30 am

      Thank you, lovely mama. I always love your support and kind words. I still hang on to that beautiful phrase you told me when we lost Charlie. You too, are an exceptional mommy…. 🙂 xx
      Reply
  5. Ladena says

    October 9, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    Thinking of you and your dear family always Deb. I’m so sorry to hear that it’s been one year since you lost Lucy. I am happy that you have your little mama to love you and bring you strength. Much love.
    Ladena recently posted…Be a Designer and Architect with Build & Imagine Play-SetsMy Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:32 am

      Thank you, Ladena. It’s so true – I don’t know if I would have been able to survive all of this without my family. It’s like, they won’t allow me to not heal because they need me as much as I need them. Thanks so much for the love, my friend! xx
      Reply
  6. Trina says

    October 9, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Sending you love, hugs and understanding.
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:32 am

      And yes – I know you really, truly get it… Your little man inspires me everyday too. Love you to the moon Breans!
      Reply
  7. MyBitsandBleeps says

    October 9, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    Sending you love, strength to heal, and much kindness and love.
    MyBitsandBleeps recently posted…Scare Away Halloween Dirt with @RealMrClean #15MinReno #PGMomMy Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:33 am

      I’m feeling the love and support. You’re so sweet – thank you for your kind words.
      Reply
  8. Margarita Ibbott says

    October 10, 2015 at 5:55 am

    What a beautiful tribute to your lovely children. My heart and prayers go out to you, your husband and your daughter. Hugs.my.friend.
    Margarita Ibbott recently posted…Where do I Vote on October 19? –Helpful Links to Get out and VOTE… Its your right so exercise your voice #CDNPoli #ONpoli #elxn42My Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:36 am

      Thank you Margarita. I really wanted to pay tribute to them because it’s so easy for the world to forget what they never had a chance to see, and this is my chance to be the voice for these little ones. It helps me even more to be able to express myself so openly without judgement. Your words meant so much. Thank you my friend – and I’ll take that hug 🙂
      Reply
  9. Jenna Em says

    October 10, 2015 at 6:57 am

    It’s not fair that you’ve had to repeatedly live this sadness. I’m so sorry for the losses of your precious babies. No one is punishing you and no message is being sent your way. I’m so happy that you have Little Mama to love and cherish.
    Jenna Em recently posted…New Kid’s Releases on Bluray & DVD This Month! (October 2015)My Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 10, 2015 at 7:38 am

      I really appreciate your kind words Jenna. And thank you for the reminder. I know it would be cruel for this to be a message of some sort – but it’s so easy to “go there”. And yes – having Little Mama is the biggest blessing of all. For someone so small – she really has the amazing ability to lift spirits. Have a beautiful weekend.
      Reply
  10. Renee says

    October 10, 2015 at 10:58 am

    What a beautifully honest post, Debbie. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. No matter what I’m faced with I too believe that my kids are the best medicine and I know that your Little Mama keeps you going and gives you strength. I’m sending you huge hugs. Xo Renee
    Renee recently posted…3 reasons why you should take your kids to a Toronto FC gameMy Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 26, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words and your hugs Renee. Yes – Little Mama knows exactly what to do when she sees mommy having a hard time dealing. Sometimes I worry that I’ve damaged her with all the sadness she’s been exposed to – but then, I’ve realized that she’s learned empathy and understanding throughout, and at such a young age. She’s so little, and yet amazes me with what she has become. Proud moment for mama, that’s for sure.
      Reply
  11. Wendy Donell says

    October 10, 2015 at 11:24 am

    Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings. It’s easy to get caught up in the craziness and forget that the craziness is the blessing.
    Reply
    • debalino says

      October 26, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      So wonderful to hear from you Wendy. It is easy to get caught up in the craziness, isn’t it? Even after all this – I have to stop myself from losing sight of what I have in front of me, and just be grateful. Hope you’re well mama!
      Reply
  12. MommyMatter says

    March 4, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    I am left speechless to the strength you have. Your children have an astounding, inspiring Mother. Sending you well wishes and love ❤️
    Reply

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SOMETHING * IS * BREWING :: A #behindthescenes gli SOMETHING * IS * BREWING :: A #behindthescenes glimpse of what feels like the beginning of a powerful shift in #womenshealth right here in #Victoria.

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He stood in line for the balloon dome and said quietly, trying , “I got zero eggs, mama.”

You heard him. Your son, who seemed a bit overwhelmed himself covering his ears from all the noise, and your little girl, reached into their own baskets and filled my son’s bag.

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When life gives you burnout… do squats. 🍑 In When life gives you burnout… do squats. 🍑

In Episode 2 of @sassandsmalltalkpodcast “Reclaiming Joy of #Parenthood Beyond Burnout”, I take on the ultimate #challenge:
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For this episode, Every time *I* said the word “lash” — yep, I squat. 😅

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The PREMIERE episode is now LIVE on a 📺 near yo The PREMIERE episode is now LIVE on a 📺 near you!

SASS & SMALL TALK “Reclaiming the Joy of Parenthood, Beyond Burnout” is NOW STREAMING on @TELUS OptikTV, Ch. 9, Stream+, and @storyhive. 

“Join Deb and local lifestyle creator and entrepreneur, Natasha Mills of @mommamillsblog. Natasha reveals her bold shift from a successful corporate career to building a personal brand from home, striving for family balance while advocating for her community in Victoria, BC. Will this new path bring the joy she seeks, or will it come with its own set of challenges and #burnout? Tune in for an inspiring discussion on making a #careerpivot, finding purpose, and evolving as a recovering high achiever.”

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Calling in the troops. 🫠🔥 Because burnout is Calling in the troops. 🫠🔥
Because burnout is real—and so is the comeback.

Meet the incredible guests of the debut Season on TELUS StoryHive of “Sass & Small Talk: Reclaiming the Joy of Parenthood Beyond Burnout” 🎙️

After years of #caregiving, #homeschooling, and navigating life in a #neurodivergent family… I hit a wall. 

Hello, #Burnout. 👋 

But thanks to @telus and the @storyhive Video Podcast Program, I sat down with fellow parents, experts, and some of the most resilient humans right here in Victoria, BC to have the conversations we ALL need.

Together, we talk burnout, grief, the mental load of parenting, partnership, career pivots, and what it really takes to reclaim joy and purpose in the thick of #parenting and caregiving. 

Made in the community. For the community. 

📍Filmed at: @hausofowl
🎤 Featuring:
@mommamillsblog @nevaehjade.beautywellness @glowjar_ 
@truedad.community 
@minimaggie 
@sacred_advantage 
@sarjo08 
@scarletjaxen

Episodes 1 & 2 NOW streaming on TELUS OptikTV Ch. 9, Stream+, Storyhive YouTube. One episode drop every Tuesday until May 20th. 

This is for the #caregivers. The #sandwichgen. #Parents rebuilding from burnout with community, courage, and a whole lotta sass. 💬

#CallingInTheTroops
#SassAndSmallTalk #ParenthoodUnfiltered #CaregiverBurnout #NeurodivergentFamily #MomBurnout #ReclaimYourJoy #ParentingPodcast #StoryHive #VictoriaBC #MentalWellnessMatters 
#watchLocalTV
AUTISTIC BURNOUT :: Did you know there was such a AUTISTIC BURNOUT :: Did you know there was such a thing?

Me Neither! 

But it sure helped me understand my #neurdodivergent not-so-baby teen daughter who has been in #burnout mode for years. Gaining understanding of this aspect of burnout helps us find ways to cope when it creeps up on us as parents - and especially for our children. 

Here’s a #behindthescenes look of my talk on @sassandsmalltalkpodcast filmed at the amazing creative studios of @haus.of.owl with @kkayjudas at @sacred_advantage. She is our wonderful guest and a dear friend (and incredible advocate for my daughter specifically), who shares insight and personal experience on #autisticburnout in this raw and honest interview about how she navigated (continues to navigate) life on the spectrum especially during burnout. I may or may not have shed a tear… or 10… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tune in on @telus OptikTV Channel 9, stream+ on MAY 6th, and @storyhive YouTube on May 27th  to watch this compelling episode. 

And giving extra love to my beautiful and talented daughter who fine tuned the edit of this video! How blessed am I to be the mama of this creative young lady. Now gimme my phone back!!! 🤨

Have you or a loved one experienced Autistic Burnout?
Behind every #sandwichgeneration #entrepreneural # Behind every #sandwichgeneration #entrepreneural #homeschool #mom with #ADHD and #spicy kids, is: 
• a floor filled with painful-to-step-on toys and crafts
• Sniffly kiddos every few weeks 
• nothing crossed off her to-do list
• hundreds of unanswered texts/emails
• and a #mentalload sometimes too overwhelming to carry 

But unlike all the other gloomy seasons I’ve experienced this tough season, I have never felt such peace. 

WHY: 

• I have been walking through my #faithjourney with George and it’s been giving me a different outlook on everything life has thrown our way. My sistas in faith have kept us afloat this tough season @esther.driver @caarly.xo @lishgarv @nicoleacaldwell 

• I have been intentional on fixing my #guthealth, #cortisollevels, and #cognitivefunction with my daily #HJ #happy blend drink, and it has done wonders to my #mentalwellness  and overall health. <DM me for more info on this game changer drink>.

• I’ve been learning to just live in the moment and not be so caught up with doing EVERYTHING all at once. 

• I’m surrounding myself (albeit virtually and in spirit) with some of my chosen fam who probably get the most neglect of all, but still give me grace while I clumsily navigate this crazy season @nengineermom @rahannavu  @iamharpsra 
@m_stiggity 
@jenny_p1987  @westislanddesigns @kkayjudas @teacuphuman09 @i_am_miss_jen @swanny80 @trishita_namagita 

• Even though my business relies heavily on my #online presence, I’m giving myself grace for fully immersing myself in the needs of my family this last month I’ve been MIA. I know I can pick up where I left off, and lean on my mentors & biz sistas to pull me out of the seasonal funk @caitoaks @mommamillsblog, @happybalancemama @sweetmamalifedaily, and get back on track. 

Busy, overwhelmed mama… I see you. This is just a season. Do what you need to do, especially for you and your loved ones. Everything will still be there ready for you to “tackle” when you’re ready. 

And what losing two loved ones these last couple weeks has taught me - we’re only here temporarily. Spend your time earthside doing what you love, and loving who you love. @gjavier5 ❤️
No amount of “juice” can lessen the exposure t No amount of “juice” can lessen the exposure to elementary school winter bugs, but it sure came in handy when we need it IN & OUT of our household. 

Especially since I have elderly under my care. 

It skipped George and I entirely - but it definitely hit our two little ones, as bugs do. 

After a nice, tall glass of kid’s #HJ (mixed with some mango edge+ for my bigger and pickier smallie) - along with a nice snuggly nap - the symptoms were way less vicious than previous colds, and gone by the time I blended them their dose the next morning. 

It’s not some miracle drink with empty promises - it’s just ALL the good stuff in a glass. 

DM me if you want a sip for yourself or your sniffly kiddos. I’m telling you, our overall health and wellness as a family, has improved, since focusing on our #guthealth.

There is no price too high to pay for overall #wellness.

#happyblend #amare #fluseason
Impromptu check-in with my girl, Nicole from @happ Impromptu check-in with my girl, Nicole from @happybalancemama talking about all things #Amare. The reality behind #burnout,  #mentalwellness, finding our way through the everyday challenges and #mentalload of #motherhood, and how both of our lives have SHIFTED dramatically since starting our journey with fixing our #guthealth. 

#happyblend #juice #GBX #gutbrainconnection #gutbrainaxis #gutbrainhealth #gutbrain #motherhood #overwhelm
C O R T I S O L :: If you’re anything like me, y C O R T I S O L :: If you’re anything like me, you’ve tried to amp up in overall wellness - doing ALL the things…  and nothing worked 🪀🪀🪀🪀🪀 

ME THEN:(4.5 mnths + 4 decades ago)

• Cortisol levels out of control 
• Made self-sabotaging choices 
 • giving into sugar cravings
 • staying up all night doom 
  scrolling & researching 
  how to “fix” my life/kids/home 
  leading to #burnout
• Poor time management
• Emotionally charged and reactive due to poor quality sleep 

• What REALLY needed the most help - was my GUT. <ENTER #HJ #Amare #cortisolcontrol>

ME NOW: 

• Boost in: mood, motivation, metabolism, energy
• reduced bloating and inflammation
• Cravings gone, due to regulated blood sugar
• #cortisol #puffyface gone
• Better quality and DEEPER sleep
• Balanced hormones
• Improved cognitive function and no brain fog

** ADDED BONUS: A more organized home 
** DOUBLE ADDED BONUS: I’m the best mom I have ever been for my kiddos: ⬇️ reactive, ⬆️stress resilience

✨✨What I’m doing 👇🏼✨✨

• I mixed these two (or three) very simple supplements (EASY for my busy brain)
• First Supplement: Mood/Motivation/Metabolism - decreased bloating 
• Second supplement: Balanced hormones & mental wellness, improved skin, deeper sleep

2025 - I’m here for ya. BRING. IT. ON.

Comment CORTISOL OR just DM me, and I’ll send you more info and a link! 🥳
LIVE:: Sass & Small Chats with my girl Nicole @hap LIVE:: Sass & Small Chats with my girl Nicole @happybalancemama, before Mama Duty calls!  Chatting all things “Happy Blend”. We’ll do another spontaneous Live 2.0 when it’s not so nice outside!! For now - here’s a little bit of my personal experience with the Happy Blend  and how it’s made major shifts in mine and my family’s lives.  #30DayMentalwellnesschallenge
G R I N C H :: Just over here dreaming of a #green G R I N C H :: Just over here dreaming of a #greenChristmas when the kids and I had more time, energy, and gumption to do community deliveries to our local heroes. 

Since the #Pandemic, this little tradition of ours have stopped but our gratitude remains. @saanichpolice @saanichfiredepartment, Victoria Fertility Clinic, Sherwood Dental, and some of our buds who held our hands through our #grief and #fertility journey. 

Sigh. Was fun while it lasted. 

Thank you @dee_monster_girl @adammessana  @fiendwithoutaface87 for the inspo.

#throwback #grinch #Christmas
#NationalFamilyCaregiversMonth #november P I N K #NationalFamilyCaregiversMonth #november 

P I N K :: I recently learned that flamingos lose their pink when caring for others (notably, mom flamingos) —and I felt that deeply this past year. When my sweet elderly Mama had an unfortunate fall, resulting in emergency surgery, an extended hospital stay, and complete dependence on full time care, I was torn between moving in and being there for her full-time, caring for my sick kids and husband, homeschooling, and managing my business. 

I lost my pink.

Everything else—work, plans, even my son’s birthday—had to wait. Our home was a mess, appointments were missed, mistakes were made, friendships were tested, and the mental load was heavy. But nothing compared to watching my once strong Mama feel powerless as she leaned into the support she needed but once resisted.

My Mom lost her pink. 

It was a season of sacrifice, but now returning the equipment, that helped with her recovery, is a moment I’ll never forget.  I can now see from a clear lens, that working together as a family (my own family, my brother’s, my parents), we made it through, with the power of faith, a supportive community and amazing and understanding friends, love, and especially prayer.

It feels so good to stand back and see the full picture. And best of all… 

Both my Mama and I got our pink back.

@redcrosscanada 

#Caregiving #FamilyFirst #Gratitude #FlamingoFeels #FaithAndFamily
M A G G I E :: 🎉 Some #BTS #onthepod @sassandsm M A G G I E :: 🎉 Some #BTS #onthepod @sassandsmalltalkpodcast with my long lost twin and the hilariously brilliant MAGGIE of @thecatmompodcast ! We’re diving deep into life with a #SpicyBrain 🧠, talking all things #ADHD, and how she’s been navigating motherhood, chaos, and #burnout like the absolute rockstar she is. 💥

🎂 Oh, and did I mention it’s her #BIRTHDAY today?! 🎈 Be sure to give @minimaggie ALL the love in the comments! 🥳👇🏻

This episode, filmed at @haus.of.owl, is packed with so much relatable insight (and laughter... SO. MUCH. LAUGHTER 😂). Catch it #comingsoon #2025 on @TELUS OptikTV @storyhive! You won’t want to miss this one. 💬🎙️

Life just got a little more interesting @gjavier5 @ianshockeycards. Our apologies in advance… #doubletrouble 👭🏻
MY. FAM. IS. THRIVING. That is all. DM (and Fo MY. FAM. IS. THRIVING. 

That is all. 

DM (and Follow me) for deets on this amazing EASY 30sec Wellness supplement (and other #Amare Go-tos) that has elevated this family from shaking things up in the gut (bye 💩 probs), to clearing things up in the 🧠 (Wait - they actually WANT to learn? 🤯) … NOTHING ELSE has worked THIS GOOD for this family of Neuro-Ds. 

It’s not just some magic fix. 
It’s au naturale. Backed by science.
It’s #guthealth.
It’s #cognitivefunction.
Down to the cellular level.

✨ Sidenote: “Thriving” doesn’t mean, perfect, always happy, or that everyone is ALWAYS on the same page. 

That would just be weird. 

It means: 
• our target areas of concern (individually) are being addressed. 
• less chaos, more peace. 
• less reactive, less defensive
• more motivation, less resistance

We’re all collectively on our way to overall physical and mental wellness. 

And the best part is - all the kids care about is that it tastes darrrrrrrrn good. 

So what are you waiting for?
C O N N E C T I O N :: Now that George and I are b C O N N E C T I O N :: Now that George and I are both focusing on our COLLECTIVE #cortisolbalance - both our relationship and our kids benefit from these changes: 

• no longer reactive (to each other/kids)
• more playful with the kids, no longer irritable 
• have the #mentalclarity to pause and let each other have a say
• more well-rested - due to resisting #sleeprevenge (guys, I actually WANT to sleep now!! WHAT!??) 
• less overwhelm by everyday stressors
• tackle to-dos faster, together - procrastination completely not our thing anymore

** And the best and most shocking of them all… I am no longer impulsive with needless, emotional-spending, and that alone is a 🎁 for George! 

So many men and women in our age group are struggling like we were, only a few months ago.

This healthy cortisol mocktail is a daily favorite, takes 30 seconds to make, and is filled with adaptogens and healthy ingredients!

Comment CORTISOL and I’ll send you what we’ve been using to get to the bottom of our cortisol issues. WITH a $10 discount + 10% savings. 

✨ follow me for more simple tips for cortisol, weight, sleep, and stress for mamas and our partners too!

✨ Make sure you are following me to get the DM!

P. S. my husband prioritizes my daily intake as much as his own because we both know - “Happy wifey, easier Lifey” 😂☺️
P A R T N E R S H I P :: Our live discussion with P A R T N E R S H I P :: Our live discussion with Graham Meckling, Author, Coach, Educator, Community builder - as he launches his amazing and groundbreaking Online community at @truedad.community.

With focus on building the foundation as a team/partnership/family even PRIOR to becoming one, and how it’s a complete Gamechanger when faced with the reality of parenting in the coming years. 

Be sure to share this with any new parents-to-be who might need this resource - a sibling, a friend, a coworker, a distant cousin who you only seem to know on IG - we all know someone who might feel a little lost as they navigate this new chapter in their lives. This is not your everyday community - so grab a spot and find the community you never really know you needed! 

Seasoned parents - Graham’s book “Babies Don’t talk” has wonderful insights that are just as applicable to any stage of parenting as it is for the new parent - so GRAB YOUR COPY! I did and George and I ate it right up!
Found her. • • And right behind this once #b Found her. 
•
•

And right behind this once #burntout #Mama, finding her way back into her element again, sass-inclusive, are these #behindthescenes (behind the camera/desk/computer/headphones) MIRACLE WORKERS at @hausofowl. I have so much love for you guys. Thank you. 

@nikkye_music 
@hoelune 
@remy.is.remy 
@jakerfilms 

Not seen here but will pop up here and there as I catch them in action 🤞🏼 hint hint): @laaain_music @eric.thebald 

•
•

And none of this would’ve even been a thang if it weren’t for the Video Podcast Grant Program with @telus @storyhive. Life changing is an understatement. Thank you @made.by.donny & @thereallindakee for encouraging your girl to take the plunge with @sassandsmalltalkpodcast 

•
•

And the energy and gumption to keep me resilient, and in tip top shape to host my own show, and lead my own project - kudos to my girl @mommamillsblog who introduced me to the very #cortisoldrink I needed to amp up. And @caitoaks who also reminds me I got this. My gut and brain thank you both. #bestteamever

And my love, @gjavier5 - I’m doing this not just for me but for us and our little peeps. Thank you for leading the cheering squad and “assisting”
me when I need it most. Hope to make you guys proud. ❤️ 

•
•

Moral of the story, in getting that dang SASS back: 
✨ Take Risks
✨ Get your gut health in check 🥤
✨ Find your peeps 
✨ Tell them how awesome they are

DM me, watch my stories, click on my bio links if you want in on any of this good stuff! 🥤 + 🎙️ + 💰📺

✨Be sure to give a little ❤️ to my 13 year old Smallie who helped me level up with this reel with her magic touch. #ASD #autism #thisishomeschool #homeschooler #mygirl #techgirl #daughter
I’m 1/2 a century, baby. #HappyBirthday to me, i I’m 1/2 a century, baby. #HappyBirthday to me, indeed.
#thisisme

And life just got a little sweeter. 

It’s not some secret recipe, or some overcomplicated skin regimen. 

It’s #faith
Motivation
The want
The humility to accept help
The unconditional love from family
Learning to say no to the wrong, and yes to the right. 

I took a chance on ME a few months ago, and since then, have seen a shift in myself.

I dreaded this #milestonebirthday for the last 10 years. I dreaded ESPECIALLY, being transparent to ANYONE… even my own kids. 

But it dawned on me. 

(With the help of my fellow #hypewoman gals that gave me the gentle nudge to OWN my age, not hide it) @sweetmamalifedaily  @nengineermom @mommamillsblog  @caitoaks  @lilkeez @iamharpsra  @rahannavu @mstiggity

Why hide it? 
What am I scared of? 

I DID IT!

I hit 1/2 a century, I survived 9 brutal pregnancy losses, and held one of them in my arms. I looked death in the eye, and through prayer and community - I came out of it alive and kicking. AND thriving.

It wasn’t my time. I still have work to do here. 

But even with these life altering moments in my life, I STILL:
• made bad health choices
• stretched myself to max capacity
• said YES to things that stifled my growth.
• said NO to hard things that meant growth
• lived in debilitating fear, daily
• allowed my #adhd to paralyze, not enhance my life
• had horrible boundaries… correction… I had no boundaries 

It took 50 years, (3 months ago, to be exact), but I found exactly what I needed: 
• A deeper connection with God
• Gratitude
• A go-to, easy #cortisol #drink that balances out those darn hormones, and targets my #Mentalwellness #HJ 
• Forgiveness and freedom from past hurts 
• An awesome studio to do my craft @haus.of.owl
• A killer program that funds said craft @Telus @storyhive 
• A loving approach #wifey, #specialneeds Mama & #caregiver Daughter
• Self Compassion
• And the GUMPTION to follow (FIX) my Gut. 

Thank you to those who remembered when I chose to forget, that turning 50 is a blessing, not a curse. 

DM me or comment 50 if you want in on this big secret.
✨ I N S I D E * O U T ✨ :: If you wanna see ho ✨ I N S I D E * O U T ✨ :: If you wanna see how HAPPY J blend has made a difference for me, and coincidentally - the family - take a look at our Behind the scenes of this year’s Inside Out FAM-O-WEEN —an honest, messy, and very real snapshot of our year. 2024 was a DOOZY. 

From frustration, to resistance, to acceptance, to finding Joy again (with a DAILY DOSE of HAPPY J and a whoooooole lotta Jesus) - each character felt like a reflection of this year’s whirlwind of emotions. It’s been a time of big decisions, finding our footing, embracing transitions, more sleepless nights,  a diagnosis we’ve been waiting a decade for, falls, accidents, sickness - the whole shebang of emotions. 

And then #anxiety reared its ugly head.  In full force. 

But, alongside family and close friends, Faith, and some yummy sips of a healthy supplement, carried us through. 

In a year that stretched us to our limits, this shoot felt like the perfect way to honour all the “inside out” moments we’ve faced. So here’s to the messy, the joyful, and even the challenging times that shape who we are. From deep #burnout and anxiety to discovering our faith and mental wellness, I’m stepping into the next chapter with a full heart and maybe a few more laughs (even if I’m a year older 😉).

Here’s to growth, gratitude, and whatever’s next. #FamOWeen2024 #InsideOutLife #EmotionalYear #insideout #FindingJoy #Milestonebirthday
#NewChapter #amare #happyblend #hj #happyjuice

Music - AndreaDatzman, 
BENJIxScarlett, TheeOnlyJanessahhh
E M O T I O N S :: #HAPPYHALLOWEEN #FAMOWEEN editi E M O T I O N S :: #HAPPYHALLOWEEN #FAMOWEEN edition! 

2024 has been quite the year of change for us all. Emotions have been all over the map!
• #Caregiving has been amped up with unexpected falls and hospital stays 
• Our little not so little teen is on her last year of Middle school #homeschool version - not so easy but hey, surviving. #Disgust
• Our little guy cut his once curly locks and became a little man overnight - no tears except a very #sad dad who suffered from FOMO #Anger
• George also cut his hair that was once down to his waist. He was ready to let go of the weight of the world literally on his shoulders.
• I got selected for a wonderful @TELUS @Storyhive project to do a broadcast version of my #podcast and got my Juju back #happytears
• and yes… I found the perfect match for me to deal with my very neglected #guthealth, and yes… it’s a Gamechanger that has been behind the true shift in my mental health, productivity, and my road to a better me. Hence, “Happy” #Joy. #happyjuice

All these emotions check out. #insideOut we have thrived and survived. 

Happy Halloween!
S N E A K * P E E K :: I’m so excited to share a S N E A K * P E E K :: I’m so excited to share a little sneak peek of @theoutpostboardgamecafe, our good friend’s soon-to-be-opened #boardgame café, right here in the #Westshore 🎲🎲. The ONLY ONE of its kind in THIS part of town!! 🎉🎉We’ve ALL been waiting for this… 

Mamas… I’m looking at you… 👀

✨
✨ 

It’s been amazing watching this space come together - already such a fun vibe and a cozy spot to hang out, play some games, and connect with friends. And I already got my #gameschool curriculum ready to go for my #homeschooler (and her game lovin’ mama-teacher 🙋🏻‍♀️) to enjoy. And of course date nights with my guy and girls night with my ladies!! 

✨
✨

They’re getting so close to opening, and I can’t wait for everyone to experience it in person!! 

✨
✨

Be sure to SHARE THIS POST AND SPREAD THE WORD - #Grandopening is Nov 1st!! 🎗️✂️ Stay tuned for more updates—it’s going to be a game-changer! 😉 

#TheOutpostCafe #supportlocal #supportsmallbusiness #supportlocalbusiness #YYJ #vancouverisland #Victoria #langford #boredombuster #family
F E A R L E S S :: Becoming a mom changed me, and F E A R L E S S :: Becoming a mom changed me, and along the way, my confidence started to slip. The bold, carefree version of me was replaced by someone who worried about the little things—like making a simple left turn onto a highway (with nothing but a stop sign and a prayer).

For years, I avoided that turn. I’d ask trusted adults to drive my kid for these once a year field trips, while I anxiously waited for updates. Sometimes, if I couldn’t arrange a ride, I’d keep her home. No amount of spawning salmon is worth my sanity.

It sounds trivial to the average person, but that turn felt like a mountain I couldn’t climb - for 12 years!!! A really winding, single lane, high speed, intolerant and unforgiving mountain to climb.

✨✨✨✨✨

Enter my Happy Blend Morning supplement.

After a few weeks of working on my gut health and balancing hormones, including cortisol, I feel lighter—mentally and emotionally. The anxiety that used to grip me just… doesn’t anymore.

Something in me felt COMPELLED to make that turn. It was my actual, nurtured, gut telling me to not take the backroad out (which is 3 times the distance), and it felt like freedom. 

I’ve learned it’s not just about turning left on a highway; it’s about letting go of fear and no longer caring what others think. My people-pleasing feature was activated as I approached the turn - worrying about the driver behind me, but now, I prioritize what’s best for me and my loved ones. And what’s best for my loved ones is that they get the chance to enjoy an educational experience, without my anxious brain standing in the way.

I am mentally clear, more logical, and becoming resilient where stress once controlled me. I’m ME again, free from imbalanced hormones, and the fear of inconveniencing others.

If this resonates with you, drop “FEARLESS” in the comments, and I’ll share what I’ve been using to get here. You’re not alone. #MomLife
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