Sass & Smalls

  • home
  • our story
  • lookbook
    • little mama
      • Too Cool for School
      • Mini Travelista
      • Fancy Pants
      • Tutu Cute
      • Tomboy Chic
      • In Looks for the Outdoors
    • little man
    • daddy and me
    • mommy and me
    • playing dress up
      • FAM-O-WEEN Halloween
    • pair it, to wear it
    • celeb sightings
    • my baby got style features
  • my life, unstyled
    • podcast
    • quarantine chronicles
    • the everyday
      • self care
      • home design
      • perfection in the imperfection
      • smallie’s cookbook
      • party time
    • 5Faves
    • sass & smalls gets real
      • our fertility journey
  • brands we dig
    • baby bump
    • threads for tots
    • accesso-PLEASE
    • tots & tootsies
    • sassy stuff
    • smalls on the runway
    • gimme that!
  • Let’s Talk
    • Contact Sass & Smalls
    • Collaboration, Advertising & Sponsorship Opportunities with Sass & Smalls
  • Sass & Small Talk Podcast
  • sass & face

4 ANGELS – I AM A MOTHER OF FIVE CHILDREN – AN EXPERIENCE OF INFANT AND MULTIPLE PREGNANCY LOSS

March 30, 2015 By Deb B. 61 Comments

My 4 Angels - An Experience of Multiple Pregnancy and Infant Loss

So it happened again.

And again.

And.

Again.

And here I am, trying to wrap my head around the fact that in a span of 2 years, I have lost 4 babies, in utero, 3 of them almost at the very same time around halfway through my pregnancy. Since my last post, after losing both Tory and William – both late into my 2nd trimester, I thought I experienced the worst of it. But then Lucy came. A pregnancy I was certain would take. A pregnancy that was carefully followed by 3 specialists, and a group of midwives, a lot of prayer, and baby aspirin (which was what my doctors believed was going to be the miracle pill that would save this pregnancy).

I was extra careful. I read all the right books, ate all the right foods (although, these days… what IS right?), felt all the right things. THIS TIME, it was going to be ALL RIGHT… Right?

Wrong.

When my ultrasound at 13 weeks detected that the Nuchal Translucency fluid behind my baby’s neck was slightly larger than what was deemed as “normal”, and only millimeters less than Billy‘s fluid – that was the beginning of my sleepless nights. Something was wrong. Something is GOING to go wrong.

I went in for the harmony test that would supersede the results of the U/S and bloodtests (although I continued to take all the right tests – remember, my vow to do all things “right” in my power?). This non invasive prenatal test was going to analyze my blood to determine if my baby was at a high or low risk of having trisomy 21 (down syndrome), trisomy 18 (Edwards syndrome, and trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome). This was supposed to give me peace of mind, as apparently, it delivers the lowest false-positive rate of any of the known trisomy blood tests.

And to my surprise and joy – weeks later … my results came back negative. My baby was low risk of at least these three detectable disorders, and my baby was in fact – a baby girl.

My 4 Angels - An Experience of Multiple Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Names started popping into my head like cannonballs and my smile was so obscenely wide, that even my 3 year old daughter who’s lifelong wish, specifically aimed at the big guy in red, was to become a big sister to a beautiful, baby boy or baby girl – could immediately identify as if I actually sat down and spelled it out for her. It was a day like no other. After all my previous losses, disappointments, moments of deep deep sorrow, months of bitterness and anger – THIS was the day I was waiting for. A positive NEGATIVE outcome.

No one could stop the bounce in my step. My little Lucy was going to be in my arms this week – due March 30th, 2015 – only weeks after LD was going to celebrate her 4th birthday. And what a birthday present that would have been for big sis.

I finally felt that amazing sensation of sleep, rest, calm.

My 4 Angels - An Experience of Multiple Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Until I went in for a routine fetal heart check. I brought Grammy in there to hear it for the first time and share that amazing joy with her only daughter, who she has known only too well to suffer only too much. It was my gift to her.

But just like that – my tears of joy were quickly replaced with tears of fear and worry. There was no heart beat. There was nothing. WHY was there nothing!?!? Because of my previous two late losses, I have already been regarded as high risk, so I was immediately sent in to the hospital for an ultrasound appointment. LD‘s Grammy had the torturous decision to make between staying close to her 3 year old lighthearted granddaughter or her 30-something year old heavy-hearted daughter – and ultimately chose to take LD away from me for both our sakes. And it was in that moment – when I realized that my baby girl was no longer thriving. She was no longer moving, kicking around, or checking out all the neighboring organs in her mommy’s cozy womb. She was no longer listening to my conversations, and dancing along to daddy’s rendition of Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass (Since we have planned meticulously that, every inch of her, and all of our kids, “is perfect from the bottom to the top” – gotta love Meghan and her wise mama). She was no longer alive, no longer a possibility, and no longer coming on March 30th, 2015.

My baby was gone. Just like that. Just like how Billy was ripped out of me viciously like a nightmare and later fell still in my arms, just like how Tory was taken from me and was so incredibly damaged, she was thrown out as surgical waste. Once again, Lucy was no longer going to be a living, breathing being that I could call my own. And once again – I had to surrender another child at the foot of heaven’s gateway.

The rest of that day at the hospital was a blur. I remember a lot of doctors coming in and out trying to explain in different ways that there was nothing I did, and nothing we could do at this point except to decide on how we were going to terminate this pregnancy. I had medical genetics specialists who have been feverishly analyzing my files since losing William at such a mysterious point in my pregnancy, coming in and out talking to me about sending samples of my baby immediately out of country for analysis. I remember both of my hands trembling and drenched with salty tears while dialing my already hopeful husband (who, up until this point, was rather reserved with his expression of excitement and joy due to his past experiences of losing 2 other babies late into our pregnancy). I remember hyperventilating while my best friend cried with me on the other side of the phone thousands of miles away. And I remember touching my belly… and feeling… nothing.

Nothing.

Without getting into the medical jargon that, thanks to the specialists I spoke to throughout the grieving process and good ol’ Dr. Google, I have become only too familiar with – I can honestly say that this experience was life changing. Not any MORE or any LESS life changing than the others. But if my life had any ounce left in it TO change – the moment my daughter was removed from me… was THAT moment. That very moment I lost so much. I lost hope. I lost faith. I lost a lot of blood. I lost my mind. And I lost the daughter I felt so strongly would not be lost.

And then I became angry. I hated everything. I would look at my couch where I sat after losing all three of my babies, which has now taken on the notoriety of being the “miscarriage chair”, and I wanted to set it on fire. I hated my beautiful blessing of a home. I hated the city I lived in and all the bubbly, beautiful, happy, worry-free (is there such thing?) pregnant women in it. (Sorry to all my friends who were pregnant at the time… don’t worry – I didn’t hate you). I was filled with this debilitating sense of hatred and bitterness that I could not even function. And then, the anger was replaced by sorrow. I would wake up in the morning with such resistance, that my 3 year old potty-regressed love-of-my-life (and I take all the blame for those 10 steps back in potty training), would have to pour her own milk and cereal, read her own books, and choose her own clothes for the day.

Slowly, I would inform my closest friends and even some not so close (in desperate search of answers) that I have lost yet again. Some would respond with tears, others with words of wisdom, and then there were the expected few that would tell me to smarten up, look at the little but gigantic blessing in front of me and my supportive and loving husband rubbing my back as it was turned towards him – and be grateful. The fact is, I am grateful EVERY. MOMENT. OF. MY. WAKING. EXISTENCE. I didn’t need to be any MORE grateful than I already was because it is ALL I had left: To be grateful for what I already have. But when you lose someone you love, someone that is growing inside of you, someone who you have called by name, someone whose dance moves and fluttering gave you all the proof you needed to know that they felt your love. When you lose that someone – it doesn’t matter if you have 300 other someones in your life that you love… you STILL lost that love. And Lucy. And Tory. And Billy were, and still are – my loves. I wanted to tell all my friends and colleagues who would say so freely that I’m forgetting how lucky I am – to dig deep into themselves and remember the time they lost their grandma or their close friend. Did they grieve any LESS because they had another grandma, or 10 other friends? No. They grieved because they lost. And I did too.

And as I began writing this, on January 30th, 2015 – the exact day 2 years later when I lost my sweet Tory, and the exact day 1 year later that my sweet boy, Billy, was due to be born – I was experiencing the loss of yet ANOTHER baby. My fourth baby, in 2 years – and only 2.5 months after that dreadful day I lost my Lucy. This time, unlike Tory, Billy, or Lucy – THIS baby was only in my first trimester, at 10 weeks ( I would be 20 weeks today), and was deemed a “typical” miscarriage by my doctors. My husband and I have chosen not to name this baby as the pain is still fresh, and may I add – just as profound of a loss as my other three. We thought it would be easier going through this, without the vested weeks of hope and confidence, and without the added mystery of uncertainty that my other 3 had in their untimely demise (I should mention that all tests results of my previous pregnancies suggested no chromosomal defects, and now we’re trying to figure out if there were hormonal issues, inflammation, or something in me that may have contributed to my losses). But we were wrong. Loss is loss is loss is loss. And nothing, and nobody, can say otherwise.

Speaking as a mother – I can honestly say that losing a child whether they’re in your belly, in your arms, away at college, or raising their own children – losing your own child is the most horrifying experience life has to offer. It is the closest thing to hell that I can imagine. When a family whose desire to grow in number is so strong, but more time is spent weeping, getting through the process, and planning memorial services – it just doesn’t seem fair. And it’s not.

My 4 Angels - An Experience of Multiple Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Especially when one of those family members is barely 4 years old. A disappointed child who doesn’t truly understand why she is in fact, holding her sibling’s box of ashes in her hands, and not their living, breathing body in her arms. I think she is still waiting for Lucy to come. And she would have been in her arms for the very first time… today.

My 4 Angels - An Experience of Multiple Pregnancy and Infant Loss

I wish I could end this post with some insight, and some answers – a happy ending of sorts. But my happy ending is this – I woke up today. I got out of bed. I wiped my tears. I fed my daughter. I changed my clothes and brushed my hair. I got down on my knees, I looked into the eyes of my sweet little girl – and I told her: I am grateful…

Because, I have you.

LD babyStylista

Here is a special song that perfectly sums up my feelings about my darling babies that I loved and lost, and while it was difficult to get the words out – it was exactly what I want them to hear mommy sing to them.

http://www.babystylista.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Heaven-Holds-the-Ones-I-Love.mp3

Taking it one day at a time,

db Signature

“Like” us on Facebook

“Tweet” us on Twitter

“Catch” us on YouTube

“Hangout” with us on Google+

“Follow” us on Instagram @babystylista

 “Pin” us on Pinterest

“Heaven Holds The Ones I Love”, performed by DeBalino ©Nita Whitaker. Special Thank you to Tom Weir at Studio City Sounds and all the talented musicians behind this track. Pregnancy photo by Bev – thank you for flawlessly capturing our feelings of love for our babies.

Filed Under: our fertility journey, Sass & Smalls gets real, the everyday Tagged With: angels, baby loss, children, death, depression, infant death, loss, miscarriage, pregnancy, recurrent miscarriage, second trimester, stillbirth

About Deb B.

Deb Balino is the voice behind Sass & Smalls, host of the newly launched Podcast - Sass & Small Talk, and a mom of two - an artistic and quirky 11-year-old, and an outspoken, homewrecking, retro music loving, 4-year-old. A décor and style enthusiast, as well as a home systems hack creator, with a mildly concerning obsession of all things "bin-worthy", Deb enjoys sharing products, experiences, progressive ideas, and simple shifts in mindset that has helped her family navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting. Deb is also a homeschool teacher, partially by choice, partially pandemic-inspired, while advocating and caring for her parents as an active member of the Sandwich Generation. With vulnerability, and a dash of humour - she shares the reality of her world, all while keeping things as sassy as they once were before the drool, meltdowns, and potty mishaps entered the picture.

Her creative ideas, lengthy storytelling, and everyday musings have been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Style, BBC News, and YMC.CA

Comments

  1. Sibylla Nash says

    March 10, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    Wow! Your post is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your losses. One minute, one hour, one day at a time, that’s all you can do. Sending vibes of comfort your way.
    Sibylla Nash recently posted…Using Suspension of Disbelief to Achieve Your GoalsMy Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      March 10, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      Thank you so much Sibylla. It really is just that – taking it as slow as I need to. Luckily – with my 3 year old monkey, the days go by quickly and then before I know it – it’s a new day. Thanks for stopping by.
      Reply
  2. Miranda says

    March 10, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    I am so extremely sorry for your losses. I lost my baby Daniel at 15 weeks gestation in May 2013. My son still tells everyone that he’s not the only boy- he has a brother in Heaven. And he does. But he wanted a brother on earth so bad. We have him and 4 girls, and I am beyond grateful for each of my blessings. But I do still grieve Daniel. Thank you for sharing your heart. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a huge hug right now.
    Miranda recently posted…Healthy, Crunchy, or Just Plain Crazy?My Profile
    Reply
    • debalino says

      March 10, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      How beautiful that your son also speaks of his brother in heaven. I know exactly how these sweet kids just want a sibling so bad. I will definitely welcome your sweet e-hug and I’m sending one right back to you. Love to you and your family for your sweet Daniel.
      Reply
  3. Aliaksandra says

    March 11, 2015 at 10:24 am

    It is truly a heartbreaking post, I had to pause for a moment to finish reading because the words blurred from the tears coming to my eyes. I can’t imagine what you have been through, and I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. Stay strong.
    Reply
  4. Dawn says

    March 11, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    Sending prayers to you and your family for every loss. I know that this post will give some comfort to others who have experienced a similar loss. {Hugs}
    Dawn recently posted…What It Means To Be WeirdMy Profile
    Reply
  5. Darlena says

    March 11, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    My son is 18. It took 11 years of fertility treatments to get him. He was a twin. I lost his sister at 32.5 weeks. They don’t know why. They were invitro babies and started out as quadruplets. Sure we wanted more children, but we realized that God had a plan for use to have a wonderful son, with his own personal guardian angel. My body had been through enough and I needed to move my focus to being the best Mom I could be for him. May you find peace and happiness.
    Darlena recently posted…What Kind of example are you?My Profile
    Reply
  6. Carla Bianchi Matthews says

    March 13, 2015 at 12:53 am

    My heart is heavy with sadness for your losses. I cannot begin to imagine how painful and difficult your journey has been. I sit here crying because your courageousness in sharing your story has moved me and my heart goes out to you. I am thankful you have LD in your life so that you will get a chance to feel the joy of raising her and she will in turn get to know a mom with a loving, compassionate heart.
    Reply
  7. Gloria Kneaskern Wells says

    March 13, 2015 at 5:05 am

    I am so sorry for your losses. And I'm sorry that people tell you to "just be grateful" as if that fixes anything. It cannot. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Reply
  8. Lisa Johnson Healy says

    March 13, 2015 at 5:42 am

    Oh, my. I have no words to give, only hugs. You did a beautiful job sharing your story, though.
    Reply
  9. Katy Papenfuss Gibbs says

    March 13, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    There are no words to give you, I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. I never lost a baby, I went through years of infertility and that was heartbreaking but again I never experienced a loss like you have. They thought my second son had Trisomy 18 and that was a terrifying moment in my life. Babies (in the womb) are so precious and so scary all in one perfect little package. My heart is breaking for you and it's also soaring for you because you got out of bed and changed your clothes. That was a huge step, even if it doesn't feel that way. Your daughter is adorable and you are blessed to have her but you still feel loss and that's okay – not that you need my permission. I am amazed at your strength and that ability to get out of bed. This is a very inspirational post and it is beautifully written. Also if it helps – I didn't even brush my teeth or change my clothes yet today ad I don't have a reason beyond being lazy. I think you are strong and brave and amazing. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you will have peace and lot and lots of love.
    Reply
  10. Katy says

    March 13, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    There are no words to give you, I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. I never lost a baby, I went through years of infertility and that was heartbreaking but again I never experienced a loss like you have. They thought my second son had Trisomy 18 and that was a terrifying moment in my life. Babies (in the womb) are so precious and so scary all in one perfect little package. My heart is breaking for you and it’s also soaring for you because you got out of bed and changed your clothes. That was a huge step, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Your daughter is adorable and you are blessed to have her but you still feel loss and that’s okay – not that you need my permission. I am amazed at your strength and that ability to get out of bed. This is a very inspirational post and it is beautifully written. Also if it helps – I didn’t even brush my teeth or change my clothes yet today ad I don’t have a reason beyond being lazy. I think you are strong and brave and amazing. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you will have peace and lot and lots of love.
    Reply
  11. Jessica says

    March 14, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    I completely understand. We lost two babies, October and Sparrow, in one year. I think for me, the most important thing for me was to not feel alone in this. When I shared our story so many women came forward and shared their broken hearts. In that one act, one by one, I felt less alone. Less isolated. Keep sharing this. Help others with new and old losses feel less alone.
    Jessica recently posted…Top 5 Last Minute DinnersMy Profile
    Reply
  12. Elena says

    March 14, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of your pain. Your persistence is commendable. I hope you will soon have your baby in arms.
    Reply
  13. Princess says

    March 14, 2015 at 10:58 pm

    My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing.
    Reply
  14. Theresa Tee says

    March 15, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    My heart goes out to you and your family for the pain you had to go through in these losses. This blog entry was beautifully written and inspirational. I am so glad to have found your blog!
    Reply
  15. April G says

    March 15, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Our second passed away at seven weeks old. Losing a child is so heartbreaking since we, as the parent, are supposed to outlive them. My prayers are with you.
    April G recently posted…Losing Myself in My New LifeMy Profile
    Reply
  16. Cheryl says

    March 15, 2015 at 11:27 am

    I wish I knew the words that would make it all better. My heart and prayers go out to you. I commend you for sharing your story.
    Reply
  17. Becky Doran Melendez says

    March 15, 2015 at 9:35 pm

    My heart weeps with and for you and your family. You speak so beautifully about something few people have the courage to even acknowledge, much less write about. My prayers are with you and your family.
    Reply
  18. jean says

    March 15, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    There are no words. I am so sorry for all of your losses.
    jean recently posted…Serving A Life Sentence Or Choosing Words to Live ByMy Profile
    Reply
  19. Brenda K | PhotoOrganizingPro.com says

    March 15, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Oh my. No words. I can’t relate although I can feel the depth of your pain & sadness as a fellow mom. Seems like you’ve been given plenty to endure emotionally. The phrase “If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it” comes to mind but the repeated pain & loss you’ve suffered seem more than enough for any one person. However, you’ve been able to eloquently share your story with us, and that is sure to help anyone in a similar situation feel connected. Your daughter is adorable & will likely be a very compassionate person for all she’s seen & felt. Hugs!
    Brenda K | PhotoOrganizingPro.com recently posted…Tis the Season for Spring Cleaning Your JPGsMy Profile
    Reply
  20. Simple Faithful Daily Grace says

    March 16, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    As a mommy that has experienced miscarriages many times in my own life, I know there are no words to say that will touch the pain you feel. My heart & prayers go out to you and your husband and daughter. Thank you for sharing such an intimate post.
    Reply
  21. Holly Campbell says

    March 16, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story… I'm sorry I can't imagine what you have been and are going through, but appreciate your bravery in talking about it as you process…
    Reply
  22. Mary from YourDesignerDog says

    March 16, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    I am so sorry for all the heartbreak you and your family have had to endure. I’m not sure why some people must go through such horrible loss in their lives, unless it’s to strengthen them for the future. I would like to think that something good must come out of every tragedy. Maybe the doctors will find something because of this that helps other women someday. Maybe by reading this other women will feel less alone. I know it won’t make your loss any less profound, but I feel that finding that one little piece of positivity helps just a little.
    Mary from YourDesignerDog recently posted…Beware the Ides of March!My Profile
    Reply
  23. Jennifer says

    March 16, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    I’m sending prayers your way. I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m sure you hear that a million and one times, but I mean it. I can’t image how it must feel, I know losing someone to hard, but it must be even harder when that person came FROM you. Raise your chin up and enjoy the time you have with your adorable little girl, unfortunately they grow up.
    Jennifer recently posted…My Very New Adventure with Young LivingMy Profile
    Reply
  24. Stephanie B. says

    March 16, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    I honestly do have any words to say, but I do know how to pray. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to pray for you…..”Father in Jesus name, I pray for DeBalino and her beautiful family, who have suffered another loss. Lord, I pray for your healing hand to touch their hurting hearts. I pray that you would send peace into their minds and comfort them with your love during this tough season in their lives. God I ask, in the name of Jesus Christ, that you would open the womb of DeBalino, and in the right season, that you would bless her with beautiful and healthy children. You know her desire to bare more children, and I pray Lord that you would grant her family with favor. We know that losing a child is never easy, however we do know that you get the glory out of all things, even when we don’t understand. I thank you for the lives of her children who did not live on earth, but who are now resting in your loving arms. God I praise you for the children that DeBalino will have and that good news is on the way. In Jesus name, I touch and agree and speak life into DeBalino’s womb. The same way you blessed Hannah who prayed for children, I ask that you bless DeBalino. 1 Samuel 1:9-18. Father, I thank you…In Jesus name, amen.” Thank you for sharing your story! I will remember you in my prayers and can’t wait to hear of your testimony. God bless you!
    Stephanie B. recently posted…Weight Loss PrayersMy Profile
    Reply
  25. Liz B. says

    March 16, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    I cannot fathom the sorrow you must feel. I fought the tears all the way through your post, but in the end they won out. My heart breaks for you, and I will be praying for you.
    Liz B. recently posted…Grace or a swift kick in the pants? Or both?My Profile
    Reply
  26. Noemi Szarka says

    March 17, 2015 at 1:57 am

    I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you feel right now. You are such a brave person to have all the courage to write that.
    Noemi Szarka recently posted…Sephora haulMy Profile
    Reply
  27. Kimberley says

    March 17, 2015 at 10:22 am

    Wow – I am so sorry! Thank you for being open and sharing your story. Sending prayers and thoughts your way…
    Reply
  28. Julie says

    March 17, 2015 at 11:53 am

    There just aren’t words to express my sympathy or the unfairness dealt to your sweet family. A very good friend of mine lost a baby just hours after birth. They knew at 20 weeks sweet Audrey would not survive long after birth. Angie chose to carry her through pregnancy anyway and was grateful for what time she did have, Journeying through that experience with her gives me enough insight to have a glimpse of your pain and loss and sadness. You are very brave for continuing to trying to grow your family and in sharing your story. Praying for your and your family.
    Reply
  29. Kali says

    March 17, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    I cannot even imagine what you are going through. The only thing I can say is that I will pray for you and your family.
    Kali recently posted…4 Ways to Save Money on BooksMy Profile
    Reply
  30. Bryant Hall says

    March 17, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    First off, I extend my deepest condolences! My prayers are with you for comfort in the days ahead. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post. Your testimony will forever inspire me to appreciate those things within my grasp! Blessings to you and may the love of God forever fill your heart!
    Bryant Hall recently posted…Why You Should Go The Extra MileMy Profile
    Reply
  31. Rachel says

    March 17, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    I am sorry to hear about your loss. No words can take away your pain. thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Reply
  32. Dawn Pratt says

    March 17, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    I am so sorry for your losses. I had 6 late miscarriages between having my 4 of my kids. It is very hard to open up and thank you for sharing.
    Reply
  33. Dee Dee says

    March 17, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    This post is beautiful. It has left me wordless. I am saying a prayer for you this morning. Thank you for sharing your story. You are sure to bring comfort to someone else in sharing.
    Dee Dee recently posted…10 Things the 10K Taught MeMy Profile
    Reply
  34. Rena McDaniel says

    March 18, 2015 at 2:12 am

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you have gone through. We never know why things happen it must be so hard to keep your faith through this much pain and adversity. I am just at a loss for any words of wisdom or comfort because there aren’t any words big enough to hold all of that pain. I will continue to think of this story long after I am finished reading and will be saying a prayer for your family that you find some peace from all of the pain.
    Rena McDaniel recently posted…FINDING YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA NEIGHBORHOODMy Profile
    Reply
  35. Aaron says

    March 18, 2015 at 2:22 am

    I have no words to use to feel your loss, heartbroken doesn’t even cover it. The only thing I can say is I know God is with you and that I know that amazing feeling to look into that little girls eyes and know just how much of a blessing they are. My daughters are my life, I thank God for them every day and I pray for the love that I feel for them and from them be shared to those that aren’t feeling it that day. I don’t know what the grand plan is but I know that as long as I am with him all will be right. I will pray for you and I hope that all will be well with you.
    Aaron recently posted…5 Essentials For Surviving a Massive BlackoutMy Profile
    Reply
  36. Amy Lou says

    March 18, 2015 at 11:39 am

    I have to just tell you that this post made me absolutely bawl. I hate that you are going through this pain and the emotional roller coaster that goes along with it! Grief is one of the worst things in the world I think! I lost my dad unexpectedly about a year and a half ago and I still feel like crying (or do cry) almost every single day. I don’t think the grieving process ever ends. It just slowly evolves into different stages. And those stages are never the same length for anyone. We all go through this process our own way! I know that I am still not at peace with the loss of my dad and yet I feel like the loss of a parent is no where near the pain a mother feels at losing a child! I can not imagine the hurt that you feel but I am praying for you that you can continue to focus on being grateful that you have your daughter! I know that the pain of losing your other children will never go away but I will pray that you can find some peace!

    *hugs*
    ~Amy Lou
    Amy Lou recently posted…Educational Apps from Kids Academy – ReviewMy Profile

    Reply
  37. Melissa Soditus Mulvaney says

    March 18, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    I wish I had words to comfort your heart…but I do not. I do have prayers, and I will keep you in them. Blessing, friend!
    Reply
  38. Deborah Davis says

    March 18, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    So many women will be helped by your tale of courage despite great losses and gratitude in what you do have, a wonderful little girl. God works in mysterious ways. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am lifted and more appreciative of what I have.
    Reply
  39. Becky says

    March 18, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I have no words as I have never experienced a loss like this. I send my love, prayers, and blessings to you and your family in hopes that through loss you can continue to find love and comfort in one another. You are a powerful, beautiful woman. God bless you.
    Reply
  40. Adrienne says

    March 19, 2015 at 1:40 am

    DeBalino, my heart goes out to you, your husband, and your daughter! I can barely see the monitor with the tears in my eyes from reading your words. I have friends that have has miscarriages or babies that passed away shortly after birth. Some of them rarely mention it. Some of them talk about their angels in heaven often. I cannot imagine what you are going through. When my third son was three months old, he aspirated on spit-up. Had I not walked out of the concert at that moment and got him breathing again (he was turning blue), he would have died in my arms. While that was in 2010, I still get emotional thinking or talking about it. For a few minutes I had a glimpse of what my friends who had lost babies must have felt. Around that same time, a friend had her baby super early. They almost lost him a few times and he was in NICU for a long time. I had no words for her. I had no idea what to say or offer to do that would help her. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I applaud you for getting up, getting dressed, and spending time with your daughter. I cannot fathom what you must be feeling or thinking. My deepest sympathies. I pray you will have another baby full-term that is healthy, whole, and will give your a daughter a run for her money when older. 🙂 Hugs! ~Adrienne
    Adrienne recently posted…Amazona Frances Easton Burkett SuddothMy Profile
    Reply
  41. Merry120 says

    April 2, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. Thinking of you.
    Merry120 recently posted…Cooking with Chef Lynn Crawford and Catelli (w/a Giveaway)My Profile
    Reply
  42. Fariha (CanadianMomEh) says

    April 2, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    Oh sweety. I don’t have words to express my sadness. Your words stung my eyes and pierced my heart. You are such a strong and powerful woman. Know that. You are a warrior and LD is so incredibly blessed to have you. Sending big hugs and loving light your way.
    Fariha (CanadianMomEh) recently posted…Excited to be a #GettheMostOutofLife blogger with @ShopprsDrugMart #contest #prize #winMy Profile
    Reply
  43. China-Li Smith says

    April 3, 2015 at 1:46 am

    YOU are amazingly brave and strong and giving. Thank you for sharing your story. I only wish I was there to hold your hand in prayer. Having lost our first, it is the most gut wrenching loss and the feelings never go away. Your spirit and story will bring strength to so many.
    Reply
  44. China-Li Smith says

    April 3, 2015 at 1:48 am

    Your testimony and Grace is a gift. And I will hold you and your family close to my heart and prayers.
    With love and light and friendship
    China-Li
    Reply
  45. Lana Varela says

    April 3, 2015 at 2:44 am

    Oh my sister…I weep with you. I have found (after losing babies before one born full term) losing a baby after you already know the wonder of holding your baby for the first time, makes that loss so much more severe. And I agree…hearing "be grateful" is a slap on the face. Cry it out my friend. Mourn and celebrate your 4 beautiful angels. I'm glad they are together waiting to meet you. And No matter how far along they are a baby…and still a hurt. And I hope you do not feel Lucy was forgotten today. Your babies are a part of you and G. Just know I'm thinking about you, praying for you all and weeping with you. And gosh I'm so grateful for your bravery in so openly sharing this.
    Reply
  46. Ladena Racine says

    April 3, 2015 at 2:55 am

    Oh D. You and your family has been through so much. I am so sorry to hear this. I wish you the absolute best going forward. It will happen. Do not give up. Sending you lots of love.
    Reply
  47. Acooba Scott says

    April 2, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    Such a beautiful song, Debbie. Thanks so much for sharing – you are so full of beauty and grace, even in the midst of such pain. Sending you and G so much love and prayers for comfort. Love, love, love you…
    Reply
  48. Stephanie says

    April 2, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    What a heartbreaking and breathtaking post. Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Reply
  49. Shae Hill says

    April 3, 2015 at 11:46 am

    Did any check the level of nitrates in your body? Do you consume soy? My son was victim to this. High levels of pesticides within my body took his life. It may be something you want to check into.

    My sweet Vohz lost his life at a month old. After a months of horrible tests and a life in the hospital. I am a wellness consultant and have studied in depth what is happening across the world to our tiny miracles. If you want to talk, please email me Getamazin@gmail.com

    My family and I are so sorry for your families pain and of course of all the families that know the feeling of loving sweet angel babies.

    Reply
  50. Susan Tang says

    April 3, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    I am so, so sorry. My heart is heavy for you and your family. I wish I could find some healing words, but we know there are none. My first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, then I had my daughter, then another miscarriage, then my 2nd daughter… When you are ready, I recommend that you see a reproductive endocrinologist and have him run some special testing. I understand they test the babies, but this will explore other pieces of the puzzle. A girlfriend of mine had a healthy baby, followed by 4 losses. She ended up having a clotting issue she knew nothing about, and when treated she gave birth to another healthy child. Have them check specifically for APS, a problem which makes your blood clot when it shouldn't. This is called antiphospholipid syndrome (APS), also known as sticky blood syndrome or Hughes syndrome. APS has been found in between 15 per cent and 20 per cent of recurrent miscarriages. There is also an inherited blood-clotting disorder, called thrombophilia. It's similar to APS, but is something you are born with rather than acquire. Thrombophilia means that your blood may be more likely to clot than normal. This could cause recurrent miscarriage. Lastly, you could run a genetic screening on your and your partner. Sometimes there is an abnormality on one of your chromosomes which doesn't cause a problem until it is passed on to your baby. I am sure they have ruled that out though, but just be certain. Know that there are many women near and far and across the ages who stand in support of you.
    Reply
  51. nicolthepickle says

    April 3, 2015 at 6:36 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss.
    Losing a baby was the first time in my life that something happened that I couldn’t “pray my way out of”. You know, when things go wrong you can pray that God will “fix” them, but death; death is final.
    But God knows. He knows everything, the hard parts, the sad parts. He knows. There’s so much comfort in that for me.
    Reply
  52. Heather Nolan says

    April 3, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    My heart aches for you and your beautiful family xoxo
    Reply
  53. Paula Schuck says

    April 3, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    I am so very sorry for your losses. I love reading and seeing the posts about your little LD. The pictures of little diva are precious and they make me happy. You are a beautiful family and your love for each other jumps right out of every post and every picture shared. It is so fitting and natural that you would want to bring someone else into the world to experience all that awesomeness that is unique to your beautiful family. This is more heartbreak than any family should have to endure. Hugs. Love. Best wishes and happy thoughts and fingers crossed and baby dust that your family will be able to have another child to hold in their arms one day soon. This is such a sad post, but I think also that it will also be a helpful post for so many who have experienced miscarriage. I am so sorry. Words really aren't enough. You know where to find me if you ever need help or support.
    Reply
  54. Bonnie Way says

    April 3, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    Awww, Debbie… crying so hard for you. You are such a brave, wonderful woman. I just want to hug you right now and cry with you. I will keep praying!
    Reply
  55. Heather Lynne (@raisingmemories) says

    April 3, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Tears are in my eyes as I read your story. My mother lost two babies around the half way point of those pregnancies. It certainly was a “real” loss and difficult for those who looked forward to those babies being born. *hugs to you*
    Heather Lynne (@raisingmemories) recently posted…Fridge Before & After with Frigidaire Gallery Custom-FlexMy Profile
    Reply
  56. Kerrie says

    April 3, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    This just breaks my heart. Sending you great big hugs. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
    Kerrie recently posted…Cadbury Creme Egg MilkshakeMy Profile
    Reply
  57. soapoperaspy says

    April 3, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    This is so heart breaking, I am so very sorry for your loss!
    Reply
  58. Rolyn says

    April 4, 2015 at 3:31 am

    You have had many lovely moments with your pregnancies and some very challenging experience throughout this journey. Your losses are heartbreaking and I saw how you and George were affected when you heard those tiny little heartbeats, and the intense love and joy you felt while supporting these babes in your womb. Each loss was devastating for both of you and I watched you deal with the pain and the grief. I also watched you pick up the pieces and admired your determination and strength as you managed to put one step in front of the other. LD was your constant sweet light, and you never faultered as her mommy, present in her everyday. You may have cried a zillion tears, but you still laughed, loved and cherished every day and every blessed moment with your sweet LD. When your sadness lifted a little, you and George still held on to hope and you tried to move forward as best as you could.
    I am beyond proud of who you are, what you’ve been through and how far you have come.
    Your journey continues, and you are still able to find joy and peace in your days. We still find humor in the small things and you have a great husband.
    It’s also inspiring to see the pouring of love and support you have received and it’s touching to read the responses. Many shared their ability to understand the feeling of miscarriage, and I too, can relate.
    I know you and I know you can overcome anything, come what may. You are such a special person who deserves all the good in this world,but has had to deal with some unbearably, difficult moments. The beautiful song that you sang had me in tears.
    Your ability to write such an honest story and open up to others…it is so brave of you and I am so proud of you.
    I admire you and I love you like crazy.
    Reply
  59. Maya Fitzpatrick says

    April 10, 2015 at 2:46 am

    Hugs! Do what you have to do. Cry, complain and scream. This is all about you and your emotions. No one can take that away from you.
    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts

who is Deb B. from Sass & Smalls

Sass and Smalls Profile 2021 www.sassandsmalls.com

sass & social…

  • Bloglovin
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

picks for smalls…

sass & pins…

sass-scribe…

sass & smalls faves…

http://www.newchic.com/
Girls Flower Princess Shoulder Bags Auto Updating Promotional Banner Crazy 8 Sale On Now! Shop Global.JanieandJack.com

sassy mama

PinkBlush

Search

Archives

@sassandsmalls – Instagram

sassandsmalls

🎙 Host @sassandsmalltalkpodcast TELUS Storyhive
🌶️ Neuro D Mama to 🌶️👧🏻🧒🏻
🇵🇭 Caregiver ⚕️👵🏼👴🏼
🔥 Burnout Survivor
📽️ Storyteller
👇🏻Get YOUR Sass back

Deb B. | Sass & Smalls
SOMETHING * IS * BREWING :: A #behindthescenes gli SOMETHING * IS * BREWING :: A #behindthescenes glimpse of what feels like the beginning of a powerful shift in #womenshealth right here in #Victoria.

To stand alongside such empowered women — #caregivers, #changemakers, survivors, women from all walks of life — in the very place where the hands and hearts of this hospital held me and my family together (in more ways than one)… it was overwhelming in the best way.

Even more so, to share it with my daughter, my fiercest little survivor. Both of our stories of survival are woven into these hospital walls.

This was more than just a shoot. This was change taking place in real time. Honoured to be a tiny part of this moment as it unfolds.

Thank you for bringing this to life @ourvichospitals @averybrohman @gaellevanerp 💛
To the kind dad at the @royalbaycolwood Easter Egg To the kind dad at the @royalbaycolwood Easter Egg Hunt this past Saturday—

You probably didn’t realize how much you and your kids impacted our day.

My son had just missed the first few minutes of the egg hunt (as usual, this mama was running late with a million things on her plate—homeschooling, caregiving, promoting a show, working from home, managing the home, advocating, feeding the young and old, managing moods... the usual chaos).

He stood in line for the balloon dome and said quietly, trying , “I got zero eggs, mama.”

You heard him. Your son, who seemed a bit overwhelmed himself covering his ears from all the noise, and your little girl, reached into their own baskets and filled my son’s bag.

I watched as kindness bloomed in real time.

You didn’t just hand out chocolate—you gave my son the gift of feeling seen and included. You taught your kids what generosity really looks like.

And for this tired, always-late, sandwich-gen special-needs mom—your gesture meant more than you’ll ever know.

If anyone in the Westshore community knows this lovely family (dad of Grayson?), please tag them or send them our thanks.

This is what #community looks like. 🐣💛

#SandwichGeneration #GlassChild #NeurodivergentMom #MomGuilt #CommunityLove #WestshoreBC #VictoriaMoms #RoyalBayColwood #RealEasterMagic #SmallKindnessBigImpact
She podcasts. She parents. She’s got a 🌶️ She podcasts. 
She parents. 
She’s got a 🌶️ 🧠.
She’s fresh outta burnout mode.
She sips #HappyJ.
And now, with🎙️in hand… she’s streaming on @TELUS @STORYHIVE (because even #actionfigures need a l’il 📺 airtime).

Hey, I’m Deb B., host of @sassandsmalltalkpodcast — a podcast turned video series where we get real about #parenting and #caregiver #burnout, and find joy in the messy middle.

Fueled by my go-to fix-the-gut-fix-the-burnout potion🥤, a l’il bit of tears, and a whole lotta sass, this season brings on the reality of living in the #burnout generation, with guests who will leave you asking yourself “where have they been all my life?”

Because we are DONE glorifying busy.
We’re saying YES to rest.
And HEEEECK YES to finding our joy once again. #INeedMySassBack

Catch the Pod Edition now on TELUS OptikTV Ch 9, Stream+, and on #Storyhive YouTube (Search Storyhive Sass Small Talk) Link on my bio for Episodes 1 & 2.

🦉 Sexy Studio. ✔️ I 👀 @haus.of.owl 
🛋️ Cozy couch. ✔️
🎙️ Good convo. ✔️
🥹 Big feelings. ✔️
🤩 And even bigger lashes. ✔️✔️✔️

LET’S TALK. 

Oh and PS - wanna know how to get your action figure #animated? Follow me, write “SASS”, and let me know what your action figure would be in the comments below and I’ll hook you up. 

#SassAndSmalls #TelusStoryhive #HappyJEnergy #GoodbyeBurnout #SmallTalkBigFeels #actionfigure #barbie #AI #Amare #happyblend #cortisol
When life gives you burnout… do squats. 🍑 In When life gives you burnout… do squats. 🍑

In Episode 2 of @sassandsmalltalkpodcast “Reclaiming Joy of #Parenthood Beyond Burnout”, I take on the ultimate #challenge:
Fitting fitness into my already chaotic #caregiving, #homeschooling, always behind the wheel, #neurodivergent navigating, mom-life schedule. 🧠🎢💪

Add to the mix, a busy 🧠 that thrives on chaos and fun? Why not #gamify? Moms- let’s do the #TriggerWordChallenge!! Every time your kids say (aka “demand”, I mean c’mon now…) “MOM!”, do a squat! In the kitchen, while cleaning, cooking, folding laundry. Just don’t do it driving! #safetyfirst

For this episode, Every time *I* said the word “lash” — yep, I squat. 😅

Joining me is none other than Victoria’s go-to #LashLady, who most would call a client-proclaimed “lash-a-pist” and certified #fitness coach, Emily Bowman @nevaehjade.beautywellness, who’s here to talk #burnout, #beauty, and #body movement. And I’m here to try and master the world’s most chaotic squat routine. 🙃

Side note: Psssst… your girl hasn’t done a squat since before the Pandy of 2020 so this may be nbd to the average person, but it’s quite literally a miracle ⛪️ for 🙋🏻‍♀️. #whateverworks #amIright?

Catch more laughter, squats, Yoga-envy 🧘🏻‍♀️, words of wisdom, and a tear or two…  on the full episode 🎙️NOW STREAMING on a 📺 near you. @Telus OptikTV (search “Storyhive Sass” on Demand), Ch. 9, Stream+ app, @storyhive YouTube

Comment “Squat” if you want the full episode link on @storyhive‘s YouTube. But it’s even more fun on TV, so try that first! We sure are…

#SassAndSmallTalk #SquatGoals #BurnoutAndBootyGains #bunsofsteel #LashLadyTakesOver #NeurodivergentMomLife #CaregiverFitness #SquatWhileYouCan #HomeschoolChaos #MomLifeUnfiltered #VictoriaBC #StoryHive #ReclaimYourJoy #JLoGotNothingOnMe
The PREMIERE episode is now LIVE on a 📺 near yo The PREMIERE episode is now LIVE on a 📺 near you!

SASS & SMALL TALK “Reclaiming the Joy of Parenthood, Beyond Burnout” is NOW STREAMING on @TELUS OptikTV, Ch. 9, Stream+, and @storyhive. 

“Join Deb and local lifestyle creator and entrepreneur, Natasha Mills of @mommamillsblog. Natasha reveals her bold shift from a successful corporate career to building a personal brand from home, striving for family balance while advocating for her community in Victoria, BC. Will this new path bring the joy she seeks, or will it come with its own set of challenges and #burnout? Tune in for an inspiring discussion on making a #careerpivot, finding purpose, and evolving as a recovering high achiever.”

Recorded & Produced @haus.of.owl @nikkye_music @jakerfilms @eric.thebald @remy.is.remy @hoelune 

@sassandsmalltalkpodcast is made possible with the support from TELUS STORYHIVE, and is available for free on
TELUS Optik TV, CH.9, and Stream+

#watchlocal #SassAndSmallTalk #ParenthoodUnfiltered #MomBurnout  #ParentingPodcast #StoryHive #VictoriaBC #MentalWellnessMatters #twinmom #momprenuer #burnoutrecovery #twinfamily
Calling in the troops. 🫠🔥 Because burnout is Calling in the troops. 🫠🔥
Because burnout is real—and so is the comeback.

Meet the incredible guests of the debut Season on TELUS StoryHive of “Sass & Small Talk: Reclaiming the Joy of Parenthood Beyond Burnout” 🎙️

After years of #caregiving, #homeschooling, and navigating life in a #neurodivergent family… I hit a wall. 

Hello, #Burnout. 👋 

But thanks to @telus and the @storyhive Video Podcast Program, I sat down with fellow parents, experts, and some of the most resilient humans right here in Victoria, BC to have the conversations we ALL need.

Together, we talk burnout, grief, the mental load of parenting, partnership, career pivots, and what it really takes to reclaim joy and purpose in the thick of #parenting and caregiving. 

Made in the community. For the community. 

📍Filmed at: @hausofowl
🎤 Featuring:
@mommamillsblog @nevaehjade.beautywellness @glowjar_ 
@truedad.community 
@minimaggie 
@sacred_advantage 
@sarjo08 
@scarletjaxen

Episodes 1 & 2 NOW streaming on TELUS OptikTV Ch. 9, Stream+, Storyhive YouTube. One episode drop every Tuesday until May 20th. 

This is for the #caregivers. The #sandwichgen. #Parents rebuilding from burnout with community, courage, and a whole lotta sass. 💬

#CallingInTheTroops
#SassAndSmallTalk #ParenthoodUnfiltered #CaregiverBurnout #NeurodivergentFamily #MomBurnout #ReclaimYourJoy #ParentingPodcast #StoryHive #VictoriaBC #MentalWellnessMatters 
#watchLocalTV
AUTISTIC BURNOUT :: Did you know there was such a AUTISTIC BURNOUT :: Did you know there was such a thing?

Me Neither! 

But it sure helped me understand my #neurdodivergent not-so-baby teen daughter who has been in #burnout mode for years. Gaining understanding of this aspect of burnout helps us find ways to cope when it creeps up on us as parents - and especially for our children. 

Here’s a #behindthescenes look of my talk on @sassandsmalltalkpodcast filmed at the amazing creative studios of @haus.of.owl with @kkayjudas at @sacred_advantage. She is our wonderful guest and a dear friend (and incredible advocate for my daughter specifically), who shares insight and personal experience on #autisticburnout in this raw and honest interview about how she navigated (continues to navigate) life on the spectrum especially during burnout. I may or may not have shed a tear… or 10… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tune in on @telus OptikTV Channel 9, stream+ on MAY 6th, and @storyhive YouTube on May 27th  to watch this compelling episode. 

And giving extra love to my beautiful and talented daughter who fine tuned the edit of this video! How blessed am I to be the mama of this creative young lady. Now gimme my phone back!!! 🤨

Have you or a loved one experienced Autistic Burnout?
Behind every #sandwichgeneration #entrepreneural # Behind every #sandwichgeneration #entrepreneural #homeschool #mom with #ADHD and #spicy kids, is: 
• a floor filled with painful-to-step-on toys and crafts
• Sniffly kiddos every few weeks 
• nothing crossed off her to-do list
• hundreds of unanswered texts/emails
• and a #mentalload sometimes too overwhelming to carry 

But unlike all the other gloomy seasons I’ve experienced this tough season, I have never felt such peace. 

WHY: 

• I have been walking through my #faithjourney with George and it’s been giving me a different outlook on everything life has thrown our way. My sistas in faith have kept us afloat this tough season @esther.driver @caarly.xo @lishgarv @nicoleacaldwell 

• I have been intentional on fixing my #guthealth, #cortisollevels, and #cognitivefunction with my daily #HJ #happy blend drink, and it has done wonders to my #mentalwellness  and overall health. <DM me for more info on this game changer drink>.

• I’ve been learning to just live in the moment and not be so caught up with doing EVERYTHING all at once. 

• I’m surrounding myself (albeit virtually and in spirit) with some of my chosen fam who probably get the most neglect of all, but still give me grace while I clumsily navigate this crazy season @nengineermom @rahannavu  @iamharpsra 
@m_stiggity 
@jenny_p1987  @westislanddesigns @kkayjudas @teacuphuman09 @i_am_miss_jen @swanny80 @trishita_namagita 

• Even though my business relies heavily on my #online presence, I’m giving myself grace for fully immersing myself in the needs of my family this last month I’ve been MIA. I know I can pick up where I left off, and lean on my mentors & biz sistas to pull me out of the seasonal funk @caitoaks @mommamillsblog, @happybalancemama @sweetmamalifedaily, and get back on track. 

Busy, overwhelmed mama… I see you. This is just a season. Do what you need to do, especially for you and your loved ones. Everything will still be there ready for you to “tackle” when you’re ready. 

And what losing two loved ones these last couple weeks has taught me - we’re only here temporarily. Spend your time earthside doing what you love, and loving who you love. @gjavier5 ❤️
No amount of “juice” can lessen the exposure t No amount of “juice” can lessen the exposure to elementary school winter bugs, but it sure came in handy when we need it IN & OUT of our household. 

Especially since I have elderly under my care. 

It skipped George and I entirely - but it definitely hit our two little ones, as bugs do. 

After a nice, tall glass of kid’s #HJ (mixed with some mango edge+ for my bigger and pickier smallie) - along with a nice snuggly nap - the symptoms were way less vicious than previous colds, and gone by the time I blended them their dose the next morning. 

It’s not some miracle drink with empty promises - it’s just ALL the good stuff in a glass. 

DM me if you want a sip for yourself or your sniffly kiddos. I’m telling you, our overall health and wellness as a family, has improved, since focusing on our #guthealth.

There is no price too high to pay for overall #wellness.

#happyblend #amare #fluseason
Impromptu check-in with my girl, Nicole from @happ Impromptu check-in with my girl, Nicole from @happybalancemama talking about all things #Amare. The reality behind #burnout,  #mentalwellness, finding our way through the everyday challenges and #mentalload of #motherhood, and how both of our lives have SHIFTED dramatically since starting our journey with fixing our #guthealth. 

#happyblend #juice #GBX #gutbrainconnection #gutbrainaxis #gutbrainhealth #gutbrain #motherhood #overwhelm
C O R T I S O L :: If you’re anything like me, y C O R T I S O L :: If you’re anything like me, you’ve tried to amp up in overall wellness - doing ALL the things…  and nothing worked 🪀🪀🪀🪀🪀 

ME THEN:(4.5 mnths + 4 decades ago)

• Cortisol levels out of control 
• Made self-sabotaging choices 
 • giving into sugar cravings
 • staying up all night doom 
  scrolling & researching 
  how to “fix” my life/kids/home 
  leading to #burnout
• Poor time management
• Emotionally charged and reactive due to poor quality sleep 

• What REALLY needed the most help - was my GUT. <ENTER #HJ #Amare #cortisolcontrol>

ME NOW: 

• Boost in: mood, motivation, metabolism, energy
• reduced bloating and inflammation
• Cravings gone, due to regulated blood sugar
• #cortisol #puffyface gone
• Better quality and DEEPER sleep
• Balanced hormones
• Improved cognitive function and no brain fog

** ADDED BONUS: A more organized home 
** DOUBLE ADDED BONUS: I’m the best mom I have ever been for my kiddos: ⬇️ reactive, ⬆️stress resilience

✨✨What I’m doing 👇🏼✨✨

• I mixed these two (or three) very simple supplements (EASY for my busy brain)
• First Supplement: Mood/Motivation/Metabolism - decreased bloating 
• Second supplement: Balanced hormones & mental wellness, improved skin, deeper sleep

2025 - I’m here for ya. BRING. IT. ON.

Comment CORTISOL OR just DM me, and I’ll send you more info and a link! 🥳
LIVE:: Sass & Small Chats with my girl Nicole @hap LIVE:: Sass & Small Chats with my girl Nicole @happybalancemama, before Mama Duty calls!  Chatting all things “Happy Blend”. We’ll do another spontaneous Live 2.0 when it’s not so nice outside!! For now - here’s a little bit of my personal experience with the Happy Blend  and how it’s made major shifts in mine and my family’s lives.  #30DayMentalwellnesschallenge
G R I N C H :: Just over here dreaming of a #green G R I N C H :: Just over here dreaming of a #greenChristmas when the kids and I had more time, energy, and gumption to do community deliveries to our local heroes. 

Since the #Pandemic, this little tradition of ours have stopped but our gratitude remains. @saanichpolice @saanichfiredepartment, Victoria Fertility Clinic, Sherwood Dental, and some of our buds who held our hands through our #grief and #fertility journey. 

Sigh. Was fun while it lasted. 

Thank you @dee_monster_girl @adammessana  @fiendwithoutaface87 for the inspo.

#throwback #grinch #Christmas
#NationalFamilyCaregiversMonth #november P I N K #NationalFamilyCaregiversMonth #november 

P I N K :: I recently learned that flamingos lose their pink when caring for others (notably, mom flamingos) —and I felt that deeply this past year. When my sweet elderly Mama had an unfortunate fall, resulting in emergency surgery, an extended hospital stay, and complete dependence on full time care, I was torn between moving in and being there for her full-time, caring for my sick kids and husband, homeschooling, and managing my business. 

I lost my pink.

Everything else—work, plans, even my son’s birthday—had to wait. Our home was a mess, appointments were missed, mistakes were made, friendships were tested, and the mental load was heavy. But nothing compared to watching my once strong Mama feel powerless as she leaned into the support she needed but once resisted.

My Mom lost her pink. 

It was a season of sacrifice, but now returning the equipment, that helped with her recovery, is a moment I’ll never forget.  I can now see from a clear lens, that working together as a family (my own family, my brother’s, my parents), we made it through, with the power of faith, a supportive community and amazing and understanding friends, love, and especially prayer.

It feels so good to stand back and see the full picture. And best of all… 

Both my Mama and I got our pink back.

@redcrosscanada 

#Caregiving #FamilyFirst #Gratitude #FlamingoFeels #FaithAndFamily
M A G G I E :: 🎉 Some #BTS #onthepod @sassandsm M A G G I E :: 🎉 Some #BTS #onthepod @sassandsmalltalkpodcast with my long lost twin and the hilariously brilliant MAGGIE of @thecatmompodcast ! We’re diving deep into life with a #SpicyBrain 🧠, talking all things #ADHD, and how she’s been navigating motherhood, chaos, and #burnout like the absolute rockstar she is. 💥

🎂 Oh, and did I mention it’s her #BIRTHDAY today?! 🎈 Be sure to give @minimaggie ALL the love in the comments! 🥳👇🏻

This episode, filmed at @haus.of.owl, is packed with so much relatable insight (and laughter... SO. MUCH. LAUGHTER 😂). Catch it #comingsoon #2025 on @TELUS OptikTV @storyhive! You won’t want to miss this one. 💬🎙️

Life just got a little more interesting @gjavier5 @ianshockeycards. Our apologies in advance… #doubletrouble 👭🏻
MY. FAM. IS. THRIVING. That is all. DM (and Fo MY. FAM. IS. THRIVING. 

That is all. 

DM (and Follow me) for deets on this amazing EASY 30sec Wellness supplement (and other #Amare Go-tos) that has elevated this family from shaking things up in the gut (bye 💩 probs), to clearing things up in the 🧠 (Wait - they actually WANT to learn? 🤯) … NOTHING ELSE has worked THIS GOOD for this family of Neuro-Ds. 

It’s not just some magic fix. 
It’s au naturale. Backed by science.
It’s #guthealth.
It’s #cognitivefunction.
Down to the cellular level.

✨ Sidenote: “Thriving” doesn’t mean, perfect, always happy, or that everyone is ALWAYS on the same page. 

That would just be weird. 

It means: 
• our target areas of concern (individually) are being addressed. 
• less chaos, more peace. 
• less reactive, less defensive
• more motivation, less resistance

We’re all collectively on our way to overall physical and mental wellness. 

And the best part is - all the kids care about is that it tastes darrrrrrrrn good. 

So what are you waiting for?
C O N N E C T I O N :: Now that George and I are b C O N N E C T I O N :: Now that George and I are both focusing on our COLLECTIVE #cortisolbalance - both our relationship and our kids benefit from these changes: 

• no longer reactive (to each other/kids)
• more playful with the kids, no longer irritable 
• have the #mentalclarity to pause and let each other have a say
• more well-rested - due to resisting #sleeprevenge (guys, I actually WANT to sleep now!! WHAT!??) 
• less overwhelm by everyday stressors
• tackle to-dos faster, together - procrastination completely not our thing anymore

** And the best and most shocking of them all… I am no longer impulsive with needless, emotional-spending, and that alone is a 🎁 for George! 

So many men and women in our age group are struggling like we were, only a few months ago.

This healthy cortisol mocktail is a daily favorite, takes 30 seconds to make, and is filled with adaptogens and healthy ingredients!

Comment CORTISOL and I’ll send you what we’ve been using to get to the bottom of our cortisol issues. WITH a $10 discount + 10% savings. 

✨ follow me for more simple tips for cortisol, weight, sleep, and stress for mamas and our partners too!

✨ Make sure you are following me to get the DM!

P. S. my husband prioritizes my daily intake as much as his own because we both know - “Happy wifey, easier Lifey” 😂☺️
P A R T N E R S H I P :: Our live discussion with P A R T N E R S H I P :: Our live discussion with Graham Meckling, Author, Coach, Educator, Community builder - as he launches his amazing and groundbreaking Online community at @truedad.community.

With focus on building the foundation as a team/partnership/family even PRIOR to becoming one, and how it’s a complete Gamechanger when faced with the reality of parenting in the coming years. 

Be sure to share this with any new parents-to-be who might need this resource - a sibling, a friend, a coworker, a distant cousin who you only seem to know on IG - we all know someone who might feel a little lost as they navigate this new chapter in their lives. This is not your everyday community - so grab a spot and find the community you never really know you needed! 

Seasoned parents - Graham’s book “Babies Don’t talk” has wonderful insights that are just as applicable to any stage of parenting as it is for the new parent - so GRAB YOUR COPY! I did and George and I ate it right up!
Found her. • • And right behind this once #b Found her. 
•
•

And right behind this once #burntout #Mama, finding her way back into her element again, sass-inclusive, are these #behindthescenes (behind the camera/desk/computer/headphones) MIRACLE WORKERS at @hausofowl. I have so much love for you guys. Thank you. 

@nikkye_music 
@hoelune 
@remy.is.remy 
@jakerfilms 

Not seen here but will pop up here and there as I catch them in action 🤞🏼 hint hint): @laaain_music @eric.thebald 

•
•

And none of this would’ve even been a thang if it weren’t for the Video Podcast Grant Program with @telus @storyhive. Life changing is an understatement. Thank you @made.by.donny & @thereallindakee for encouraging your girl to take the plunge with @sassandsmalltalkpodcast 

•
•

And the energy and gumption to keep me resilient, and in tip top shape to host my own show, and lead my own project - kudos to my girl @mommamillsblog who introduced me to the very #cortisoldrink I needed to amp up. And @caitoaks who also reminds me I got this. My gut and brain thank you both. #bestteamever

And my love, @gjavier5 - I’m doing this not just for me but for us and our little peeps. Thank you for leading the cheering squad and “assisting”
me when I need it most. Hope to make you guys proud. ❤️ 

•
•

Moral of the story, in getting that dang SASS back: 
✨ Take Risks
✨ Get your gut health in check 🥤
✨ Find your peeps 
✨ Tell them how awesome they are

DM me, watch my stories, click on my bio links if you want in on any of this good stuff! 🥤 + 🎙️ + 💰📺

✨Be sure to give a little ❤️ to my 13 year old Smallie who helped me level up with this reel with her magic touch. #ASD #autism #thisishomeschool #homeschooler #mygirl #techgirl #daughter
I’m 1/2 a century, baby. #HappyBirthday to me, i I’m 1/2 a century, baby. #HappyBirthday to me, indeed.
#thisisme

And life just got a little sweeter. 

It’s not some secret recipe, or some overcomplicated skin regimen. 

It’s #faith
Motivation
The want
The humility to accept help
The unconditional love from family
Learning to say no to the wrong, and yes to the right. 

I took a chance on ME a few months ago, and since then, have seen a shift in myself.

I dreaded this #milestonebirthday for the last 10 years. I dreaded ESPECIALLY, being transparent to ANYONE… even my own kids. 

But it dawned on me. 

(With the help of my fellow #hypewoman gals that gave me the gentle nudge to OWN my age, not hide it) @sweetmamalifedaily  @nengineermom @mommamillsblog  @caitoaks  @lilkeez @iamharpsra  @rahannavu @mstiggity

Why hide it? 
What am I scared of? 

I DID IT!

I hit 1/2 a century, I survived 9 brutal pregnancy losses, and held one of them in my arms. I looked death in the eye, and through prayer and community - I came out of it alive and kicking. AND thriving.

It wasn’t my time. I still have work to do here. 

But even with these life altering moments in my life, I STILL:
• made bad health choices
• stretched myself to max capacity
• said YES to things that stifled my growth.
• said NO to hard things that meant growth
• lived in debilitating fear, daily
• allowed my #adhd to paralyze, not enhance my life
• had horrible boundaries… correction… I had no boundaries 

It took 50 years, (3 months ago, to be exact), but I found exactly what I needed: 
• A deeper connection with God
• Gratitude
• A go-to, easy #cortisol #drink that balances out those darn hormones, and targets my #Mentalwellness #HJ 
• Forgiveness and freedom from past hurts 
• An awesome studio to do my craft @haus.of.owl
• A killer program that funds said craft @Telus @storyhive 
• A loving approach #wifey, #specialneeds Mama & #caregiver Daughter
• Self Compassion
• And the GUMPTION to follow (FIX) my Gut. 

Thank you to those who remembered when I chose to forget, that turning 50 is a blessing, not a curse. 

DM me or comment 50 if you want in on this big secret.
✨ I N S I D E * O U T ✨ :: If you wanna see ho ✨ I N S I D E * O U T ✨ :: If you wanna see how HAPPY J blend has made a difference for me, and coincidentally - the family - take a look at our Behind the scenes of this year’s Inside Out FAM-O-WEEN —an honest, messy, and very real snapshot of our year. 2024 was a DOOZY. 

From frustration, to resistance, to acceptance, to finding Joy again (with a DAILY DOSE of HAPPY J and a whoooooole lotta Jesus) - each character felt like a reflection of this year’s whirlwind of emotions. It’s been a time of big decisions, finding our footing, embracing transitions, more sleepless nights,  a diagnosis we’ve been waiting a decade for, falls, accidents, sickness - the whole shebang of emotions. 

And then #anxiety reared its ugly head.  In full force. 

But, alongside family and close friends, Faith, and some yummy sips of a healthy supplement, carried us through. 

In a year that stretched us to our limits, this shoot felt like the perfect way to honour all the “inside out” moments we’ve faced. So here’s to the messy, the joyful, and even the challenging times that shape who we are. From deep #burnout and anxiety to discovering our faith and mental wellness, I’m stepping into the next chapter with a full heart and maybe a few more laughs (even if I’m a year older 😉).

Here’s to growth, gratitude, and whatever’s next. #FamOWeen2024 #InsideOutLife #EmotionalYear #insideout #FindingJoy #Milestonebirthday
#NewChapter #amare #happyblend #hj #happyjuice

Music - AndreaDatzman, 
BENJIxScarlett, TheeOnlyJanessahhh
E M O T I O N S :: #HAPPYHALLOWEEN #FAMOWEEN editi E M O T I O N S :: #HAPPYHALLOWEEN #FAMOWEEN edition! 

2024 has been quite the year of change for us all. Emotions have been all over the map!
• #Caregiving has been amped up with unexpected falls and hospital stays 
• Our little not so little teen is on her last year of Middle school #homeschool version - not so easy but hey, surviving. #Disgust
• Our little guy cut his once curly locks and became a little man overnight - no tears except a very #sad dad who suffered from FOMO #Anger
• George also cut his hair that was once down to his waist. He was ready to let go of the weight of the world literally on his shoulders.
• I got selected for a wonderful @TELUS @Storyhive project to do a broadcast version of my #podcast and got my Juju back #happytears
• and yes… I found the perfect match for me to deal with my very neglected #guthealth, and yes… it’s a Gamechanger that has been behind the true shift in my mental health, productivity, and my road to a better me. Hence, “Happy” #Joy. #happyjuice

All these emotions check out. #insideOut we have thrived and survived. 

Happy Halloween!
S N E A K * P E E K :: I’m so excited to share a S N E A K * P E E K :: I’m so excited to share a little sneak peek of @theoutpostboardgamecafe, our good friend’s soon-to-be-opened #boardgame café, right here in the #Westshore 🎲🎲. The ONLY ONE of its kind in THIS part of town!! 🎉🎉We’ve ALL been waiting for this… 

Mamas… I’m looking at you… 👀

✨
✨ 

It’s been amazing watching this space come together - already such a fun vibe and a cozy spot to hang out, play some games, and connect with friends. And I already got my #gameschool curriculum ready to go for my #homeschooler (and her game lovin’ mama-teacher 🙋🏻‍♀️) to enjoy. And of course date nights with my guy and girls night with my ladies!! 

✨
✨

They’re getting so close to opening, and I can’t wait for everyone to experience it in person!! 

✨
✨

Be sure to SHARE THIS POST AND SPREAD THE WORD - #Grandopening is Nov 1st!! 🎗️✂️ Stay tuned for more updates—it’s going to be a game-changer! 😉 

#TheOutpostCafe #supportlocal #supportsmallbusiness #supportlocalbusiness #YYJ #vancouverisland #Victoria #langford #boredombuster #family
F E A R L E S S :: Becoming a mom changed me, and F E A R L E S S :: Becoming a mom changed me, and along the way, my confidence started to slip. The bold, carefree version of me was replaced by someone who worried about the little things—like making a simple left turn onto a highway (with nothing but a stop sign and a prayer).

For years, I avoided that turn. I’d ask trusted adults to drive my kid for these once a year field trips, while I anxiously waited for updates. Sometimes, if I couldn’t arrange a ride, I’d keep her home. No amount of spawning salmon is worth my sanity.

It sounds trivial to the average person, but that turn felt like a mountain I couldn’t climb - for 12 years!!! A really winding, single lane, high speed, intolerant and unforgiving mountain to climb.

✨✨✨✨✨

Enter my Happy Blend Morning supplement.

After a few weeks of working on my gut health and balancing hormones, including cortisol, I feel lighter—mentally and emotionally. The anxiety that used to grip me just… doesn’t anymore.

Something in me felt COMPELLED to make that turn. It was my actual, nurtured, gut telling me to not take the backroad out (which is 3 times the distance), and it felt like freedom. 

I’ve learned it’s not just about turning left on a highway; it’s about letting go of fear and no longer caring what others think. My people-pleasing feature was activated as I approached the turn - worrying about the driver behind me, but now, I prioritize what’s best for me and my loved ones. And what’s best for my loved ones is that they get the chance to enjoy an educational experience, without my anxious brain standing in the way.

I am mentally clear, more logical, and becoming resilient where stress once controlled me. I’m ME again, free from imbalanced hormones, and the fear of inconveniencing others.

If this resonates with you, drop “FEARLESS” in the comments, and I’ll share what I’ve been using to get here. You’re not alone. #MomLife
Follow us on Instagram
  • home
  • our story
  • lookbook
  • my life, unstyled
  • brands we dig
  • Let’s Talk
  • Sass & Small Talk Podcast
  • sass & face

Copyright ©2015 Sass & Smalls - All rights reserved | Web Design & Marketing by MAC5